Niceties...is that even a word ? I actually looked it up because I knew I had heard it before but I also have a habit of making up words (check a few blogs back...I believe I addressed that topic). But it is a word; it's a noun, meaning
(1) a refined, elegant or choice feature - "working hard to afford the niceties of life "
(2) a quality of being nice
(3) a delicacy of character -of something requiring care or tact .
Antonym: BAD MANNERS
I know you're thinking, okay Webster-what's with the vocabulary lesson? First let me tell you what got me thinking of the word "niceties". I was at work, warming up my second or third cup of coffee in our office microwave. As I stood there, I noticed on top of the microwave was this old fashioned set of a fancy creamer and sugar bowl. As soon as I saw them, I thought of my grandmother. She had these charming little teacups which I always loved, and now have in my house. This creamer and sugar bowl were made the same kind of way, kind of ornate yet solid and durable. It struck me as ironic to see such an old timey item atop the modern convenience of a microwave. It sort of made me nostalgic for a time that I was never really a part of-
I imagine a time of having friends over for coffee instead of meeting at a coffee place. Now don't get me wrong, I loves me some Timmy's, but a) you don't get refills and b) they always fuck up my order and I drink my coffee black!!! Now I know I used to have people over for coffee and I know someone must have had cream, well, milk and sugar. I just never remember having these fancy sugar bowls and creamers that I remember my grandmother having or the like the ones I saw in the on the office microwave.
DING - coffee's heated ...stop daydreaming....get back to work....
I couldn't shake it though- the thought that somewhere along the way we lost some of these niceties. I guess we, as a generation, are just busy. How busy are we really? Does it excuse the fact that when I go to see a show at the theatre. some people are there in jeans? I mean are we too busy to wear nice pants? Maybe it's me- I think it's nice to dress up. I am not saying that suits and ties are necessary and I just had another flashback ...an old black and white picture, it's our 6th & 3rd birthday party (my sister and I always had parties together- those who know me well, I'm clarifying, not complaining) The picture I remember has us in matching dresses and everyone else dressed up and I mean really dressed up. The women wore dresses and the men had jackets and ties....for a kid's party....in our living room...can you imagine that today? Of course every adult (including the pregnant women) had a cigarette in their hands -but that's another story.
I just think there was a certain amount of civility. It was respectful in a way. I respect the theater therefore I dress accordingly when I attend a show. I always dress up for our shows in our little theatre in the projects. I'm the director- I remember the directors who I try to emulate would always dress up for the performances. I get such a kick out of the kids in the shows who are shocked to see me in fancy clothes with fancy shoes as opposed to the sweaty hot mess they are used to seeing for weeks. ''Wow...you look so good" they say almost not believing what they are seeing... But I wouldn't dream dressing any other way for my shows.
Being respectful is one of the niceties that I think we've lost along the way.
I work in an office where some students either have never been taught the proper way to speak to an adult or anyone for that matter. Here is an example:
Me: Can I help you?
Student: I need to see my counselor
Me: Well, they are not here at the moment-can I...
Student: But I need to see them-mah
Me: You can make an appointment...
Student: silently staring, waiting for me to somehow make their counselor appear .
Uh, I make appointments kids, I'm not a fucking magician.
I some times think they have never heard the word NO before because they stand there until they get what they want and when they don't they storm away ....THEN you meet their parents and you say ohhhhh that's where they get it from. You can actually see the apple next to the tree.
Now, I'm not saying that I haven't lost my shit. I have had my moments of rage when I spoke with a school, a doctor's office or bank. I have had to choose my words very carefully as not to sound unprofessional and really try not to pepper my conversation with various forms of the word fuck.
I think that sometime when you are the one in "control", you open yourself up for criticism and unwelcomed opinions. My feeling is always - if you think you can do better....by all means you be the director, coach, teacher or the person in charge of planning anything. Everyone had the right to have an opinion but if I may speak for all of those who have ever planned a party
"shut the hell up and keep it to yourself"...think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
If you spend your time coaching a team, directing a show, running an event -whether you get paid or not, would you want someone in your face telling you how you should be doing it. I think not.
I think in the past there was a sense of decorum when it came to situations like that.
In the education business you see it like crazy. Remember when you were a kid and you got in trouble at school...weren't you more scared of your parent?. Not today- parents will back their kids no matter how inane the situation....
Example- Religion Class -"My son should have gotten a perfect attendance award...yeah, he missed the first couple weeks of class but once he got there he never missed a class."
Example-Cafeteria- "I'm very angry that my 2nd grader came home upset because she wasn't allowed to use salt and pepper in the lunch room"
- really- your daughter has that discriminating a palate and you actually took the time to call the school ? Besides have you ever had the cafeteria food...salt and pepper ain't gonna help.
I just can't imagine complaining about seasonings to my parents or either of them ESPECIALLY my dad calling the school...it would be "what school do you go to again?" "which one are you?"
Handling both of those oh so true situations took a certain amount of tact or care or nicety.
The act of being nice is quickly becoming a lost art. Let some one in when you are driving, just because and a wave would be nice as well . And for the record if I fail to let you cut in, it's not because I'm not nice...I'm a really bad driver.
If you are lucky enough to be eating at a restaurant, be nice to your server - the word is server, not servant. Speaking of restaurants - put your phones down folks! Again-- guilty VERY guilty....I love my phone...I Facebook stalk ....I play games....I text, but let's all try not to do it when you should be having a conversation with the person you are out to dinner with. It's like someone is talking to you and you are talking to someone else at the same time RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. I don't know about you but I'm way too insecure to not be hurt by that. Excuse yourself for that moment -do what you have to do...finish that text, get that kick ass word on Words with Friends and then get your face out of your phone and pay attention. Not only is it the right thing to do- it's the nice thing to do.
I say we bring back some of these nice things. We shouldn't be so surprised when someone offers to let us ahead of them in line. We should thank people and accept the thanks we deserve. We shouldn't be shocked when a student says excuse me or holds the door for you. It should be the norm. So maybe next time I will invite you over to my house for coffee and pull out my grandmother's beautiful tea cups although I may not have a fancy sugar bowl or creamer 'cause I like my coffee like I like my hair dye- I found a great quote that said "Yes, I take my coffee black- is there another color? " Well is there?...oh be nice...I'm just sayin'
