After the awesome, fun filled summer I had, the fall hit me with some pretty stark realities. One: my baby girl is getting married (Yay!!) and I need to lose some of that baby weight (Booo). Two: I am working in a new position at school. So glutton for punishment (and food) that I am. I accept the challenges – because I can do anything for one year…right? Well, we are one month in and all I am losing is my sanity!!!
Our school decided that we really don’t need the Career Center that I was in charge of- because college and career readiness is not a priority apparently? This decision was quickly overturned , I guess we do need a Career Center. So instead of putting me back, they decided to break my job up and spread it around to different people who are not willing or able to do it. This whole time I was assured that it wasn’t personal, just cuts from the top. Even my stellar evaluations, positive data/feedback and meeting after meeting could not sway their decision- and now, looking back it seems I am a casualty of an administrative pissing contest. Unbelievable- the guy who had the last word has called me by the wrong name for two years- yeah- I have a lot of faith in his decision making. So I was placed in a classroom with a pretty cool teacher (thank goodness) and rotating 8th and 9th graders with their own issues and need, most of which I am not equipped nor trained to handle. All this while trying to lose 20 pounds. Now remember, my “go to” to handle stress at this point would be a lot of chocolate cakes….nope- now it’s ex…ex…exercise.
First off these kids, I was told, are not violent (they are) and have no academic issues (they do). My day which used to consists of setting up college visits and finding scholarships and careers for students has been replaced with playing referee to kids telling each other to "shut the fuck up" and they believe they are all really “ser-we-ous game-ahs”. They live, breathe, eat, sleep video games ( I think I may have just figured out some of the problems ) and I don't know what the fuck they are talking about half the time. So I help these kids get through their day which includes the 8th grade lunch period which I lovingly refer to as Vietnam. First off- some genius in high places thought it would be a great idea to move the 8th graders to high school and slap them with expectations that are way beyond their maturity levels because they are 8TH GRADERS!!!!! These little numskulls are given a longer lunch period than they need and it is insanity. They eat in 4 seconds and spend the rest of the 41 minutes awkwardly flirting (chasing and hitting) , screeching to the people sitting at the same table and bottle flip- what is up what that fad. Toss a bottle in the air and have it land right side up. It has since been banned by one of the principal- although it was super annoying- it kept them in their seats. Another fabulous decision. They throw out enough food to feed a small nation. Here I am dieting- “are you really throwing all that food out- it’s a perfectly good school cafeteria spaghetti. (how's that for an oxymoron). I remember eating a ice cream scoop clump of white rice with brown gravy and a milk shake(633 calories) everyday of high school -Good Lord! I’m so freaking hungry! So don’t think about food- watch these little mini dramas that is our 8th grade lunch. There is this table of little boys (12/13 year olds) and these two little skanks- I mean gals that sit with them. These two could have been plucked out of my jr high years. Same look, same attitude and those boys don’t know what hit them- well it’s the one little ring leader-that did hit the kid- right in nuts- what a little skank!! You just wonder what kind of home these kids are from- I wonder what their parents would say. I wonder what their having for dinner...My thoughts switch to my delicious apple (medium sized 95 calories) and hope that Karma nabs the mother fuckers responsible for my new gig!!
Through this fresh hell- I am dieting- counting calories, walking and planking my way into this gorgeous black dress that I want to look fabulous in 9 months from now. I also will hopefully keep some of the healthy habits I am faking my way through. I think I have made it abundantly clear that I am not a Gym Girl- I will lift detergent bottles ( the economy sizers) and do my daily 2 minute plank (yeah baby 2 minutes) before setting foot in the gym. I do find in this new position I walk A LOT, at least a mile a day. I check up on my adorable little charges in their elective classes to make sure they aren’t killing each other or any of the faculty. A staff member was shoved – but it wasn’t on my watch. So I walk – I sometimes take the long way or an extra flight of stairs, just to get my steps in and then return to home base to find what ever catastrophe awaits. Now the 9th graders aren't too bad- (oh boy, I hope I didn't just curse myself) But those 8th graders...Every day it is someone’s turn to go batshit crazy, One day it’s the kid who proudly told us that he doesn’t really shower or bathe (no shit stinky) and I got news for you he isn’t brushing his teeth on a regular basis either. Ga -ross! Then we have Lee Harvey Oswald Jr (not his real name for those new to my blog) . This sociopath will do some thing so inappropriate and then do that stupid Dabbing thing…who the shit made that up? Some idiot who makes way too much money does this dumb pose and now every eighth grader feels compelled to dab—they think they look so cool and they look ssoooooooooooo ridiculous. I hope your happy Jason Derulo . One of my new "lunch friends" told that's who's responsible as he was throwing a half eaten Nachos Grande (700 calories)
Now after school most days I go to pick up my grandson from first grade and give him and his sister dinner. I have my 6th glass of water while I watch him pick at mac and cheese (350 calories) – I don’t have to worry about my little baby girl though. She has inherited my love for food MMMMMM and my obsession with SHOOOOEEESSS. Thank God for those two. They bring sunshine to my other wise shitty days . As does the process and excitement of planning this wonderful wedding which I am planking and counting and drinking water for. I have so much love and light in my life that a stupid job can ruin it …I mean, they are just kids- right? What was that? OH ...now you want me to train the people that you gave my job away to? Do you want me to rub the salt in my own wound or would you like to? You would rather me try to show the ( so far three) people how to do a job that I was never really trained in. Mind you, these people DO NOT want the extra work and we are all apologizing to each other for this mess that we didn't make! Wouldn't it make more sense....
Seriously my days can’t get any stupider- but I think I am – just by the word stupider. Deep breaths – it’s Thursday- Popcorn Day (air popped- 31 calories per cup) and tomorrow Pay Day Friday and all will be right with the world. Until Monday- make that Tuesday- This Monday is my new favorite holiday in the world COLUMBUS DAY-!!!! See ya in three whole days nit wits!! I think I will celebrate with a shot of Jack Daniels ( 65 calories) and a couple pizza logs (200 calories)s . Did you think I was going to have a Salad with Oil and Vinegar and a whole wheat Pita (333 calories)? You do the math- I bet even my 8th graders could figure that out- just sayin’
Seriously my days can’t get any stupider- but I think I am – just by the word stupider. Deep breaths – it’s Thursday- Popcorn Day (air popped- 31 calories per cup) and tomorrow Pay Day Friday and all will be right with the world. Until Monday- make that Tuesday- This Monday is my new favorite holiday in the world COLUMBUS DAY-!!!! See ya in three whole days nit wits!! I think I will celebrate with a shot of Jack Daniels ( 65 calories) and a couple pizza logs (200 calories)s . Did you think I was going to have a Salad with Oil and Vinegar and a whole wheat Pita (333 calories)? You do the math- I bet even my 8th graders could figure that out- just sayin’
