so live your life...

I wasn't going to blog about today, the 10th anniversary.  I feel almost unworthy to talk about how I remember every minute of that day- what I was doing - where I was....  I also don't want to be one of those flag waving, red white and blue phonies who want to publicly thank those who gave their lives, etc....(you phonies know who you are). But the fact of the matter is my life changed that day like everyone else.   My seemingly insignificant (by comparison, that is) life changed in very significant ways. 

Like ten years ago,  it's the first week of school, the weather is a beautiful mixture of the warmth of the sun and the crispness of fall.  My dad, who was in the hospital  10 years ago, is ailing, thankfully not hospital worthy, but ailing.  Then, I had a kid in college, one in high school and one in middle school.  Today my children are still in various stages of  life .  I am ten years older although I don't feel it nor do I act it, quite the contrary...(another blog)
So what's different?   What's different is now I live my life.  I'm not sure I did before. But I do now.  In the past ten years I have had losses that would have devastated me...and joys that I can't even find the appropriate words to describe.  I wonder how I would have handled the good, the bad and the fugly had my life not been changed that day.

I would like to think that I am thankful for every day that I have on this earth...good or bad...(but if any one is listening ....I can use more of the good ones) Unfortunately I don't think too many people feel that way.  Oh sure, right after and maybe a year or so after and probably every September 11th (aforementioned phonies) people were all about the random acts of kindness, sharing, caring and USA USA USA.....but I have noticed, because that's what I do....people right back to their old tricks.  Entitlement, greed,  inconsideration and complacency and ME ME ME.  Don't say you haven't noticed it either..
my contract says I get a bonus of a bazillion dollars even though I ran the company into the ground and all these peons lost everything...ME ME ME....or I screwed up your dental claim but I don't care enough about you to straighten it out...you do it yourself and get back to me but by that time some new rule would have been to into place... so sorry or why should I have to pay 5 dollars more for my insurance so someone else can have health care...USA USA ....c'mon everyone...
Now I'm not saying I haven't slipped up myself and cut someone/flipped someone off while driving  or slipped into my " financial why me"  mode...I'm not a F***ing robot, you know . But on a whole....I think I live my life...even if that life sucks you in with the day in day out horseshit ( I love that word so better than bull shit ...just fyi)

But once in a while something happens to make you stop and think ....what if this is the last day I get...what if there is another horrifying day like that one around the corner.  I wish I can take credit for this line...I can't remember who said it or even where I read it. I would like to give that person a nod...but they said and I am paraphrasing....Before that day, an attack was the last thing on my mind, now it's the first... my apologies to the author for the re- wording...but that always stuck with me because it's true.  Being Italian we are expect the worst...Hell, we were raised that way and yes, we worry about it before it even (and usually never) happens...but no one expected to see those images that are tattooed on our brains for good.

It could be a national tragedy or a personal one.... you really don't know what scary monster is out there.....so live your life, live it like it's your last time around the dance floor...like it's last call.....like that last, very best kiss.....I guess you can kind of see what I'll be up to on the last day...just saying