527,040 Minutes...

Yes, I'm a musical freak - I have been told I have "Musical Tourettes"- bursting in to the appropriate  song ( usually Broadway) at any given situation....so yes, the final 2012 blog title kind of comes from the musical, RENT. Seasons of Love... "525,600 minutes how do you measure- measure a year?"
There are 525,600 minutes in a year. 365 x 24= 8,760  x 60, yeah I did the math.  Well this mother f**ker of a year had an extra day-an extra 24 hours, an extra 1,440 minutes.
Now for those who have read my rantings this year, know that I thought that 2012 pretty much sucked.  Oh it had some fine moments, some sweet memories and lovely connections with some wonderful people....but the majority of it just plain sucked with a capital F.  I am not going to rehash the past and I do have a theory of why it was so awful (it has to do with last New Year's Eve and the responsible party has been contacted).
I did go back and forth about a title for this final blog.. like  Apocalypse Now What?  or  I Did it Mayan Way ..or just plain WTF is Wrong with Everyone.
 But then this happened:
The events of the last 37 days, the last 888 hours, the last 54,280 minutes made me change my mind.  I lived a lifetime in the the last 37 days.  The only way to  make any sense of it is to break it down in minutes.

• The minute I came home from work and hearing my husband say he has cancer. (the day before the day before Thanksgiving- the kick off of holiday& family & celebration time- really?...REALLY??)
• The minute you tell your kids their dad has cancer. Kids who lost their aunt 10 years ago to cancer. Kids who are old enough to know what this means.  Kids who are all grown up but still look at you with those eyes like "you can fix this right?"
• The minute the doctor came in the room and told us that everything in life as we knew it is now different. It is now the "first day of the rest of your life"...his exact words.  Now I always thought that was a nice phrase...a good positive, "you're gonna make it after all" phrase. But it took on a different meaning when the doctor said it.  Everything is changed-it is the end of our world as we know it (fucking Mayans).
• The minute my whole family met in the pre-op room and put on those brave faces as we smiled and made jokes (cuz that's what we do) and we were all terrified.
• The minute the doctor came out to talk to us and told us how well it went and when the pathology report comes back  (in about a week...A WEEK??!!??) we will go from there. Let's just hope for a speedy recovery he said and walked away and I knew he didn't really have the answers either.
• The minute that the old man in the white old man car slammed into my car as I drove home from a 7 hour day at the hospital. That was the day after the surgery, the same day some piece of shit shot up an elementary school. The day I couldn't hold it in anymore.  I couldn't be brave girl any more...I was everything I despise...the damsel in distress..ick....crying in the rain over a minor fender bender (minor meaning  two grand in repairs). 

Now God works in mysterious ways- we all know that.  The gall bladder attack led to the colonoscopy which led to the discovery of the cancer and the doctor saying "good thing you came in when you did" . God, who I will always believe has a great sense of humor..gently pushed one car into another so I can have my mental breakdown instead of the stroke which I probably would have had by "handling it" my way.  I could have done with out the $2,000 in repairs there, God....but I digress-

• The minute(s) the ever headstrong patient  *peed *ate solid food *handled pain pills *walked and * passed gas (passing gas is a huge deal in hospitals...and yes it just as funny especially when you have the same maturity level as your 2 1/2 year old grandson . When I sat in the recovery room of the "lifesaving" colonoscopy it sounded like they were re-casting Blazing Saddles...donotlaughdonotlaughdonotlaugh).  All those minutes allowed him to go home in record time.
• The minute you realize who your real friends are. 

That is a toughy. I always equate to a strainer of sorts...you shake and shake ...some people fall through...some people are keepers...those are your friends.  The friends that show up at the hospital with that "I don't know what to do or say " look on their face but they come in anyways.  Who cares if it's awkward and uncomfortable...it's fucking cancer ....it's the epitome of awkward and uncomfortable....but those friends were there-damn it!  The friends who bring you food and those who collect money and those who made sure there was no pity in their voices (or anyone else's) when they talked. And those you didn't hear from at all...not even a FaceBook like--the laziest of friendship efforts.  Whatever...I do forgive  I do not forget. (I guess I can be a real c word...the other c word)

• The minute you buy a Christmas present not knowing if that is the last one you will ever buy him.
• The minute you decide to put that brave face back on and listen to the kids at school sing "Silent Night" and "Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas" and not fall apart.
• The minute you get good news (Christmas Eve...God, you are so funny)
• The minute the doctor says the official words  "you're cured"
• The minute you finally exhale!

So there you have it...all those freaking minutes. I will never forget them and don't want to go through them ever again thank you very much.  It was quite an experience...the C word...the Big C word ...the word you whisper, like it you say it out loud, you'll get it.  Cancer...I have said and/or thought about that word every minute of the last few weeks. I say it without fear...because you can't really hide from it- so you have to put on that brave face and deal.  I did.  I will continue to be that brave girl into 2013 ...and then some. ...
So I say good bye to you 20-fucking 12...as AAA tows my son's car away because it won't start...you had to get one last one in didn't ya. 
I am ready for a great new year  .. "we got a lot of livin' to do"...told ya..musical tourettes...
And as long as Tim Horton's makes coffee, Jack Daniels makes whiskey and we are still getting those fancy little prescription pain killers... I can handle what 2013 has in store... but I am breaking the pills in half now---just sayin'    Happy New Year!