I'm never going to win the war...what war you ask....to answer I will borrow a phrase from a early, pre -Godfather Marlon Brando movie..."whaddya got?" I bet most of you know what I am talking about. The War - The daily war with banks that screw up your account, insurance companies that screw up you policies, Tim Horton's employees that screw up your coffee order...seriously it's just black coffee...no milk, no sugar...BLACK-it can't be that difficult, I know I am trying to stay positive in the coming months and I will.... just bear with me. There is always going to be that war so I am here to tell you to celebrate the Little Victories. Ah yes, the little victories- even if they are only important to you- enjoy them.... I do. Some days are tougher than others to find them, you have to really dig... but they are there. ( I didn't hit one red light ...take that Town Highway Department!)
Now I have to admit that many, many of my little victories are what one might call "imaginary". That being said let me take you back to the early 90's. I just plopped down a big bunch of money to get floor seats for Elton John. I have always been a fan ...since Tumbleweed Connection...before all the crazy get ups and glam glasses. So I was very excited and wasn't disappointed by the awesome performance. Now about 3 or 4 months later they announce that Elton John is touring with Billy Joel ( another fav...although I have seen him a few times). I was furious! Why didn't they announce this sooner. I would have loved to see them both together. So do I now plop down another big bunch of money? The guy just played here and now he's coming back with a better show for more money. NO ...I said. I am not going and I didn't and I don't regret it. This is coming from someone who has seen Bruce Springsteen 14 times....but that's not the point. I thought it was shitty so I didn't go.....I felt like I won a small imaginary, even demented battle-----little victory?----why not
I was and still am a big letter (email now) writer. Surprise Surprise.... I wrote letters to Dog Food Companies when I found little bugs in a bag of food---FREE DOG FOOD...victory! When my oldest daughter was a baby, she got her finger caught in a little Winnie the Pooh toy...APOLOGY FROM SEARS + GIFT CERTIFICATE- --victory! One year our school was closed because of a huge ice storm in October. Some of us didn't get paid for about a week or so (not to mention property damages and generator costs) and our school district refused to compensate us---I wrote a letter to NYSUT, the union we are affiliated with, and received a BIG CHECK right around Christmas time----fa la la la laaaa victory!
Now it doesn't always work and here's a big FUCK YOU to HOTWIRE.COM
I had a couple of little victories this summer....although this one may fall under the "imaginary" category. The beginning of last year when we started our last first day of school, our superintendent came in to say how smooth things were going to run and our placements will be handled by seniority which seemed cool ( especially since I have 20 years of it). Something told me to be proactive...so I (wait for it) wrote a letter. I wrote the superintendent a letter on behalf of my fellow employees. I wanted to make a plea to consider people's talents and strengths, along with the seniority, when deciding where to place them. I knew it was a complicated process and in a school district with huge money problems, our jobs were not priority one....we HAVE jobs...a lot of people didn't. He answered me, he thanked me for suggestion and said he would do his best. Two words came to mind...Bull and Shit....but I don't regret writing it...I don't regret! A few weeks ago, we got our placements. Hello, I am the new Career Center Coordinator at the High School. After 20 years in elementary school...I finally made it to high school! I was told by my new principal it's not that different...they are just a little bigger ..but he noticed that they were bigger than me by 3rd grade anyway. ( I think I'm gonna like this guy.) But my new job, I like to think, will allow me to finally use some of my public relation skills (30 years since college but still) and my technology abilities and was told to use my creativity to make the job my own. Not too shabby...and I'm not saying that the letter I wrote last year led me to this position. Coincidence....probably.... luck of the draw ...maybe...Victory .... hells yes!
In my mind...it's a victory ....the same mind that says look about 20 pounds thinner and 20 years younger...the mind that says everyone thinks I am as funny as I do.....the mind that says no one notices the food stains on ALL my shirts nor do they see the newest little hair on my upper lip.
Another victory this summer was getting my whole family together for a mini vacation.
It was Me vs. Six Busy Schedules but I WAS VICTORIOUS!
It wasn't for a long time at all, but there we were, all seven of us together ...that's all I wanted. We came up at all different times, some of us stayed longer, some left early to go to work. some of us got to go to the pool (by the way having that imaginary extra 20 lbs. makes you freaking fly down that water slide....take that skinny bitches), but we all had a great dinner and got to lay around the hotel room laughing and enjoying each others company. I say that was quite a victory indeed. After a crazy summer of rehearsals (our show made money this year...another not so little victory) and our upcoming "fresh Hell" with doctors and hospitals, we must grab these victories and hang on to them tightly with both hands.
We met my mom and dad at the office of her new doctor ( a man, I'm told, that does not mince words or give false hopes) I accompanied my mom in to the examining room where the doctor said "this doesn't look too bad". Our first little victory. He explained what the next steps were. Surgery, but she is going to a great hospital where she will get great care (same one my husband was)another little victory. I AM feeling positive and not as scared as I may have been in the past when I was afraid to say that word out loud. Now I say it with ease and a I find that I can yell it at the top of my lungs if I want to ....take that cancer
Because this conversation happens (more than once)
Mom: I hope they don't find a tumor ....
Me: Mom ..it's CANCER remember CANCER
Mom: Oh yeah
I'm not sure she totally understands what this all entails and maybe that's a little victory too. When I left the doctor's office with my sister and daughter, we agreed we are absolutely going to get through this- it was as positive a visit as it could be. I think my mom and dad got that and I said it out loud. "I think they get it" . Ironically at that moment, my daughter pointed out that my parents were passing us going the wrong way down Main Street..... doh! ....well at least they were in the right car ....little, little victories, just sayin'
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
It's Always Something
Remember Roseanne Roseannadanna? She was on SNL Weekend Update in the 70's. She would rant and rant about nonsense and say "you know, it's always something"...sounds familiar to me. My blog (self proclaimed nonsense) has, believe it or not, a following. Now mind you, not a celebrity type following or a Charles Manson following, but a following none the less. I was asked recently why I haven't blogged lately. My answer to that was that I have been a little off my game of late. I have had a crazy year, personally and professionally and the latter is stemming from the *closing of my school/losing a job that I have done for 20 years/saying good bye to people that I realistically may never see again and not to mention the uncertainty of starting a new job (which took literally months to hear where my placement is ....more about that in the future) I told that person I don't like to write negative blogs...sarcastic , cutting and inappropriate, yes but not negative. So that being said, this happened.
My mom got sick. My mom is sick. I have to say that out loud so it will sink in,
I have mentioned my mom in past blogs ...mostly concerning our recent role reversal and not in a fun Freaky Friday way. Well looks like she is going to need me more as this new life chapter unfolds. That's okay, we got this....no need for negativity. But for those scoring at home, allow me to reiterate the events of the last 12 months. They announced our school's closing, my dad had surgery, my husband was rushed to the hospital which was the catalyst for the whole cancer thing, my mom had surgery, my husband's whole cancer thing and surgery, my dad's other surgery, the actual closing of our school and all that goes with that (*see above) of course here and there were your garden variety family dramas and friend issues and sprinkle the whole thing with MENOPAUSE.
and now this.....this last little bit of news may not have put me over the edge but I am desperately hanging on to those little tree roots as little stones and dirt crumble through my fingers.
When she called on Sunday to say she wasn't feeling well and told me her symptoms ...I didn't panic but I had that feeling, I heard that little voice. You know that little voice. That little voice that tells me when something is up, That little voice that has kept me out of trouble because it is right 95% of the time. I hate that little voice sometimes. But by mid week she was in the hospital... I found out she was in the hospital a half hour before the opening night curtain of my summer musical.... (another reason for not blogging so much....the musical sucked the life out of me and in the words of Lily Von Schtoop in Blazing Saddles..."goddammit I'm exhausted"). Now don't think that this directing gig of mine took up sooooo much time that I didn't check on her.....I had.
It's my family, my family and their Communication Italiano. It goes like this:
Calling at any time of the day or night for such pressing reason as... "I found a old high school picture of you, do you want it" or "the soup you made was delicious". But when my grandmother died.....DIED.... they didn't call me because they didn't want to "bug me at happy hour." That makes me sound like either a raging alcoholic or the biggest douche bag in the world....NO ONE DARE BOTHER ME WHILE I'M A DRINKIN'....seriously????
Well by closing night, we kind of knew it wasn't good and the remaining weeks of my summer will be spent at oncologists and other specialist. Still not negative, I've been through this before(8 months ago) and God willing the outcome will be just as positive. That's the word of the hour- POSITIVE!
So I thought I would blog about it. I am doing this for a couple reasons....I think it will be kind of therapeutic for me and I think it may benefit anyone else who may be going through some tough times themselves. I don't want to diminish the severity or importance of my or any one else's situation....but I am, I've been told, a funny girl. So if we can get through this together and have a smile or two along the way .....why the hell not? Also I thought this would be a good way to keep my loyal reader (s) informed and updated on things. Sometimes the face to face thing...not so good at it....the flooded eyes and quivery voice...so awkward and it makes me really uncomfortable ....so you can imagine how I feel when it's me - ba-da dum!.....(see what I did there, switched it up) .
I also refuse to put this shit on Facebook. Again, not my style, I like my Facebook interaction to be
a) clever and witty - posting a clip from Mommie Dearest on Mother's Day
b) gaga related- mainly adorable pictures of my adorable grandson
c) celebratory- birthdays, anniversaries and the like
d) musical- sharing an old song that always gets me (Fountain of Sorrow- Jackson Browne)
e) thought provoking- my post this morning about that moment when you wake up and all your problems and shit haven't you yet ....that split second of utter peace. It meant something different for me but judging by the response, it hit home with some people.
So posting personal stuff on Facebook .not gonna happen. It may be fine for some people, but I can't,
I just can't. The thought of pouring my soul and divulging these personal traumas only to get the obligatory comments and that horrible thumbs up..the LIKES....I will never understand that:
horrible news - "some asshole you kind of know likes this"....and besides ....who likes cancer?
So my friends, if you are choosing to come along on this new journey with me, I promise to be as snarky, sarcastic and inappropriate as humanly possible with the given situation. I will try to be inspirational and informative and most of all positive. I will really try to stay positive because when life gives you lemons...(refer to the lemons listed above) ....when life gives you lemons....fuck it ...I better open a stand, but I'm selling Lemincello....just sayin'
My mom got sick. My mom is sick. I have to say that out loud so it will sink in,
I have mentioned my mom in past blogs ...mostly concerning our recent role reversal and not in a fun Freaky Friday way. Well looks like she is going to need me more as this new life chapter unfolds. That's okay, we got this....no need for negativity. But for those scoring at home, allow me to reiterate the events of the last 12 months. They announced our school's closing, my dad had surgery, my husband was rushed to the hospital which was the catalyst for the whole cancer thing, my mom had surgery, my husband's whole cancer thing and surgery, my dad's other surgery, the actual closing of our school and all that goes with that (*see above) of course here and there were your garden variety family dramas and friend issues and sprinkle the whole thing with MENOPAUSE.
and now this.....this last little bit of news may not have put me over the edge but I am desperately hanging on to those little tree roots as little stones and dirt crumble through my fingers.
When she called on Sunday to say she wasn't feeling well and told me her symptoms ...I didn't panic but I had that feeling, I heard that little voice. You know that little voice. That little voice that tells me when something is up, That little voice that has kept me out of trouble because it is right 95% of the time. I hate that little voice sometimes. But by mid week she was in the hospital... I found out she was in the hospital a half hour before the opening night curtain of my summer musical.... (another reason for not blogging so much....the musical sucked the life out of me and in the words of Lily Von Schtoop in Blazing Saddles..."goddammit I'm exhausted"). Now don't think that this directing gig of mine took up sooooo much time that I didn't check on her.....I had.
It's my family, my family and their Communication Italiano. It goes like this:
Calling at any time of the day or night for such pressing reason as... "I found a old high school picture of you, do you want it" or "the soup you made was delicious". But when my grandmother died.....DIED.... they didn't call me because they didn't want to "bug me at happy hour." That makes me sound like either a raging alcoholic or the biggest douche bag in the world....NO ONE DARE BOTHER ME WHILE I'M A DRINKIN'....seriously????
Well by closing night, we kind of knew it wasn't good and the remaining weeks of my summer will be spent at oncologists and other specialist. Still not negative, I've been through this before(8 months ago) and God willing the outcome will be just as positive. That's the word of the hour- POSITIVE!
So I thought I would blog about it. I am doing this for a couple reasons....I think it will be kind of therapeutic for me and I think it may benefit anyone else who may be going through some tough times themselves. I don't want to diminish the severity or importance of my or any one else's situation....but I am, I've been told, a funny girl. So if we can get through this together and have a smile or two along the way .....why the hell not? Also I thought this would be a good way to keep my loyal reader (s) informed and updated on things. Sometimes the face to face thing...not so good at it....the flooded eyes and quivery voice...so awkward and it makes me really uncomfortable ....so you can imagine how I feel when it's me - ba-da dum!.....(see what I did there, switched it up) .
I also refuse to put this shit on Facebook. Again, not my style, I like my Facebook interaction to be
a) clever and witty - posting a clip from Mommie Dearest on Mother's Day
b) gaga related- mainly adorable pictures of my adorable grandson
c) celebratory- birthdays, anniversaries and the like
d) musical- sharing an old song that always gets me (Fountain of Sorrow- Jackson Browne)
e) thought provoking- my post this morning about that moment when you wake up and all your problems and shit haven't you yet ....that split second of utter peace. It meant something different for me but judging by the response, it hit home with some people.
So posting personal stuff on Facebook .not gonna happen. It may be fine for some people, but I can't,
I just can't. The thought of pouring my soul and divulging these personal traumas only to get the obligatory comments and that horrible thumbs up..the LIKES....I will never understand that:
horrible news - "some asshole you kind of know likes this"....and besides ....who likes cancer?
So my friends, if you are choosing to come along on this new journey with me, I promise to be as snarky, sarcastic and inappropriate as humanly possible with the given situation. I will try to be inspirational and informative and most of all positive. I will really try to stay positive because when life gives you lemons...(refer to the lemons listed above) ....when life gives you lemons....fuck it ...I better open a stand, but I'm selling Lemincello....just sayin'
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