It's Always Something

Remember Roseanne Roseannadanna?  She was on SNL Weekend Update in the 70's.  She would rant and rant about nonsense and say "you know, it's always something"...sounds familiar to me.  My blog (self proclaimed nonsense) has, believe it or not, a following. Now mind you, not a celebrity type following or a Charles Manson following, but a following none the less.  I was asked recently why I haven't blogged lately.  My answer to that was that I have been a little off  my game of late. I have had a crazy year, personally and professionally and the latter is stemming from the *closing of my school/losing a job that I have done for 20 years/saying good bye to people that I realistically  may never see again and not to mention the uncertainty of starting a new job (which took literally months to hear where my placement is ....more about that in the future) I told that person I don't like to write negative blogs...sarcastic , cutting and inappropriate, yes but not negative.   So that being said, this happened.

My mom got sick.  My mom is sick.  I have to say that out loud so it will sink in,
 I have mentioned my mom in past blogs ...mostly concerning our recent role reversal and not in a fun Freaky Friday way. Well looks like she is going to need me more as this new life chapter unfolds. That's okay, we got this....no need for negativity. But for those scoring at home, allow me to reiterate the events of the last 12 months.  They announced our school's closing, my dad had surgery, my husband was rushed to the hospital which was the catalyst for the whole cancer thing, my mom had surgery, my husband's  whole cancer thing and surgery, my dad's other surgery, the actual closing of our school and all that goes with that (*see above)  of course  here and there were your garden variety family dramas and friend issues and sprinkle the whole thing with MENOPAUSE.
and now this.....this last little bit of news may not have put me over the edge but I am desperately hanging on to those little tree roots as little stones and dirt crumble through my fingers.

When she called on Sunday to say she wasn't feeling well and told me her symptoms ...I didn't panic but I had that feeling,  I heard that little voice. You know that little voice.  That little voice that tells me when something is up,  That little voice that has kept me out of trouble because it is right 95% of the time.   I hate that little voice sometimes.  But by mid week she was in the hospital... I found out she was in the hospital a half hour before the opening night curtain of my summer musical.... (another reason for not blogging so much....the musical sucked the life out of me and in the words of  Lily Von Schtoop in Blazing Saddles..."goddammit I'm exhausted"). Now don't think that this directing gig of mine took up sooooo much time that I didn't check on her.....I had.
 It's my family, my family and their Communication Italiano.  It goes like this:

Calling at any time of the day or night for such pressing reason as... "I found a old high school picture of you, do you want it" or "the soup you made was delicious".  But when my grandmother died.....DIED.... they didn't call me because they didn't want to "bug me at happy hour."   That makes me sound like either a raging alcoholic or the biggest douche bag in the world....NO ONE DARE  BOTHER ME WHILE I'M A DRINKIN'....seriously???? 
Well by closing night, we kind of knew it wasn't good and the remaining weeks of my summer will be spent at oncologists and other specialist.   Still not negative,  I've been through this before(8 months ago) and God willing the outcome will be just as positive.  That's the word of the hour- POSITIVE!

So I thought I would blog about it.  I am doing  this for a couple reasons....I think it will be kind of therapeutic for me and I think it may benefit anyone else who may be going through some tough times themselves.  I don't want to diminish the severity or importance of  my or any one else's situation....but I am, I've been told, a funny girl. So if we can get through this together and have a smile or two along the way .....why the hell not?   Also I thought this would be a good way to keep my loyal reader (s) informed and updated on things.  Sometimes the face to face thing...not so good at it....the flooded eyes and quivery voice...so awkward and it makes me really uncomfortable ....so you can imagine how I feel when it's me - ba-da dum!.....(see what I did there, switched it up) .
I also refuse to put this shit on Facebook.   Again, not my style,   I like my Facebook interaction to be
a) clever and witty - posting a clip from Mommie Dearest on Mother's Day
b) gaga related- mainly adorable pictures of my adorable grandson
c) celebratory- birthdays, anniversaries and the like
d) musical- sharing an old song that always gets me (Fountain of Sorrow- Jackson Browne)
e) thought provoking- my post this morning about that moment when you wake up and all your problems and shit haven't you yet ....that split second of utter peace.  It meant something different for me but judging by the response, it hit home with some people.
So posting personal stuff on Facebook .not gonna happen.  It may be fine for some people, but I can't,
I just can't.  The thought of pouring my soul and divulging these personal traumas only to  get the obligatory comments and that horrible thumbs up..the LIKES....I will never understand that:
horrible news - "some asshole you kind of know likes this"....and besides ....who likes cancer?

So my friends, if you are choosing to come along on this new journey with me, I promise to be as snarky, sarcastic and inappropriate as humanly possible with the given situation.  I will try to be inspirational and informative and most of all positive.  I will really try to stay positive because when life gives you lemons...(refer to the lemons listed above) ....when life gives you lemons....fuck it ...I better open a stand, but I'm selling Lemincello....just sayin'