What a Drag it is Getting Old

The Rolling Stones were in town this past weekend.  I did not go to see them.  I kind of wish I had…I'm sure it was a mixed bag of age groups.  My son and son in law were there. They tailgated from very early and got home very late...to paraphrase Danny Glover in Legal Weapon..."I'm too old for that shit".  I really rarely say that- but that phrase has been creeping into my lexicon as of late. Another reason I didn't go to the concert was an article I wrote way back in the days when I wrote for the Buff State newspaper,  ( I know I told this story before, I can hear my kids' collective eyes rolling- but I'm old now and I can start repeating stories....I checked, it's in the handbook) 

When I was interviewing my cousin's punk rock band "Stiff Mitten" (great name) I casually said I doubt bands like the Rolling Stones will be touring in 20 years...well that was 30 plus years ago. I kind of still stand by it. Although I heard they put on an awesome show- it had to be kind of odd to see 70+ year old guys singing "You cant always get what you want"...C'mon Mick, if you haven't gotten it by now.  I mean really 70!  Did they play Under ( I think there's arthritis in )My Thumb or Wild Horses (couldn't drag me off this couch)But, also something kind of cool about it too about getting older.

I think the worst part is the physical part- the everything hurts. If I do anything out of the ordinary, I am sore for days. I consider myself pretty active too- especially in the summer, I am at the theater directing five nights a week- I watch my  "babies" two or three times a week and I go to the gym  (muffled word) times a week....well let's say I have a gym membership.  But if I decide to put some plants in the ground...owwww or if I carry that baby girl around too much  eeeeeehh or if I have to cut a extra tough piece of steak...yeeoww,  The next day- things ache.  I can't handle it.  If we go out for a few drinks- I stop and say-oh I have too much to do tomorrow to have a hangover- I have NEVER said that in the past- I was the queen of  "oh alright...one more shot" And it's not the alcohol that 's the killer- it's that I'm soooo tired!

Physically...I'm different- clothes fit different-my body looks different- I have to have plan B outfits all the time- and never under estimate the power of leggings and a flow-y top or the ever popular "eating pants" Oh and I can't forget to mention the fatigue- I walk around like that guy from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" who kept saying "I'm tired I'm tired - not to be confused with the times I'm walking around asking "Is the heat on- it's freaking hot in here"which usually is followed by me standing in front of the open freezer- which is where the ice cream is - and then my clothes fit differently- ahh it's quite the vicious circle ! But of all the things I've lost over the years, I think I miss bladder control the most....what the hell is up with that!?!

Mentally- I'm different- I can't remember shit!  I recently forgot my pin number for my debit card and I called the credit union and they said they would send me a reminder. I asked if they can send me a reminder..oh say every six weeks.  Not a bad idea ! My passwords are all the same and I break into a cold sweat when the time comes to update them. Make sure there's an uppercase and a number - oh what the fuck - steal my identity- I can't remember most of it any way.

Emotionally- I'm different- I have lost my patient with humans and much rather spend time with my big ol' dog. People are shidiots and I don't mind telling them so.  I used to be nicer and I cared what people thought.  I wanted everyone to like me like me like me!  Hell, now I like it when people hate me- I just hope it's for a good reason!  

BUT....on the other hand ...I have to say I kind of like being this age.  I feel like I've earned my spot in a special club where we are privy to things. Like- the phrase "this too shall pass". I remember people saying it to me when I was younger- and they were right.  I don't let myself worrying so much anymore.  Of course still do worry about things...the health and well being of my family, I AM Sicilian for God's sake.  We have made it through some unspeakably hard times and tragedies lately.  It's true that we are stronger for it.  And by the way no more thanks- I believe I am strong enough now!!!  

 I like being with people my age-especially when we are with people the next age group down and they think THEY'RE old.  HA! It's like were all in on this secret- we've been through it and came out the other side. We came out okay for the most part too. I realized this one morning while I was proctoring the SAT's.  Here were a room full of teenagers agonizing over these questions and stressing over the fact that they may have to write some thing...on paper...in CURSIVE!!!! No one knows cursive anymore-it's a lost art especially that capital Q...(that's a 2 isn't it?). Anyway, while all this was going on I was playing a little game on my tablet. Match three color marbles and break down the wall...lalalalala..Bubble Blaster or something. If you fail to do this - the word LOSER comes up in big letters on the screen.  Loser? I don't think so- ! I wouldn't trade places with these kids for all the blue marbles in Bubble Blaster Land!!! But the irony of that situation was so rich!!  Working in a high school now I see the pressure and stress these kids have to endure.  I don't think they even enjoy it.  The cyber crap and the competition.  I'll take the class of 1978 anytime baby!  Looking back- we really enjoyed high school- despite some really, really stupid decisions and dumb fashion choices.  I recently had a little reunion of sorts with some close friends from high school, and like it sometimes happens - it was like no time had passed. We may have a few more pounds and a couple of covered up grey hairs between us but we earned all of them. It is what makes us who we are.  The heartaches and tribulations and the triumphs of the years shape us. A Lot of water went under that proverbial bridge, but the "remember when" stories start-and it's like the fucking twilight zone ...we are those same goofy kids again except we can drink legally! That happens when you hear a song too- thanks to satellite radio- you get to listen to a whole car ride of 70's music! Not that it was all great ( Billy Don't be a Hero and what ever that "My name is Michael- I got a nickel" song was) but they are our memories- one Styx song and I'm right back in 11th grade!  It's so funny how I can't remember if I paid the electric bill this month but I can sing along, word for word to "Hot Rod Lincoln"...everybody...."Daddy said son your gonna drive me to drinkin...."

Age I guess is all relative, my youngest was in disbelief when she turned quarter century last year and my son is enjoying his last year of his 20's and my oldest...in her early thirties already has that "I can't ...I'm Old" excuse down. My kids will also learn as they start feeling older that their shows and music are so much better than  whatever the"kids these days" are in to. I see them do it now- I see them getting al nostalgic for the Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Spice Girls- and the cool thing is that it was all a part of my life as well as theirs. But it does make them feel "old".

What they don't know is that they have a little second childhood to look forward to.They will have a little bit of freedom from certain responsibilities both real and the ones you plague yourselves with. It is kind of cool to not care about certain things or what certain people think. In fact, they will run into people from high school in years to come and pick right up where they left off  with no pretense because you all are in the same age boat. I just hope they enjoy each age they are in because each one is important in it's own way. The truth is -it goes fast, incredibly fast. The trick is have some fun along the way and try not to take things too serious- I can almost guarantee you will be laughing about it someday. Like the time we really should have gotten arrested.....

All these kids will all be where I am some day- they will sit down on the couch to watch a show and wake up an hour later watching a completely different show!   They will get a new phone and feel like a total idiot- saying things like- no I didn't mean to call you  and oh that's just my alarm and no, I don't know how to turn it off and yes, I know it's 6:45 PM!!! Maybe they will buy a new car and stand in front of the wrong new car and wonder why the stupid key thingy doesn't work.  Okay this last one really isn't the fault of me or my age.  I bought a car last year and the choices of colors were "Metamucil Gold" ""AARP Silver" or fucking RED RED RED RED as can be!  I did not want to go tooling around in a little red car with my grand children's car seats in the back ...but I got the RED one given my other choices- now a year later everyone in town has a little red Chevy Cruze- three on my street alone- can you blame me!!

So I digress or regress as they case may be- I can't say I look forward to getting any older- I do look forward to slowing down a bit- I thought I would have by now- I am actually quite busy and I guess that's what keeps us young despite all the other aforementioned factors that are out of our control- So I will direct my musicals(good for the soul)- do my crosswords (good for the brain)- Instead of saying "I must have looked like an old lady in high school", I will say thank you when someone says I look the same as I did way back then (good for the ego) . I will plunge ahead into the next phase with my black hair and leopard print (yes I will be THAT old lady) and I will watch the next generation  contemplate if they should buy tickets to see the Tragically (artificial) Hip....just sayin'