An Unfinished Life

I have been thinking about life lately.  Maybe because eveyone's lives are shared so openly on Facebook and the like-mine included. I mean it was just my birthday month and all. I have been thinking how some people have horrible lives- because of circumstance or because of their own doing.  Some people seem to have charmed lives...never a blip or a bump- and SEEM is the key word there. If you look at social media it ranges from look at me on vacation... again to oh woe is me-there's a lot of "Eeyores" out there- whatever the case... everyone is eating delicious looking food !!!

It's been a year since I lost my mom.  Maybe that's what got me thinking- a year-like life, has a beginning - middle and end. Last year at this time (the beginning) I was wondering how I was going to maneuver through this year..."the year of firsts".  I was a little anxious to say the least.  Once the year progressed (the middle), it was okay- there were ups and downs-sadness that came out of no where and joy when I felt that she was all around us (butterflies sightings, certain songs and happy coincidence). Then when it neared the anniversary-panic set in.  I think because I didn't know what to expect (the end).  But it was all fine.  We made through the year of firsts -Everyone tell me it gets easier but I don't see it getting easier- but I think it becomes part of your everyday- your new normal. That is just my take on it and it's my blog so shut up.

All too recently -there have been too many wakes in my little world. The last few have been super sad- punched in the gut sad. The latest one was a young  guy- friend of my daughter's and ours-It was drugs, I hear.  So hard to process sad .  We went to the wake and there were the obligatory poster boards of pictures. Now when we were preparing for my mom's wake- we had boxes of her photos- from black and whites-to amber colored  1970's Polaroids to computer generated prints from people's phones.   Technologically- Beginning Middle End.

 I looked at this poor boy's posters and thought- beginning...only beginning.  This is an unfinished life.  

I have been to too many young wakes this year....very young - like kid young - to my age young- unfinished lives.  Some more unfinished than others.  Some lives are taken due to illness-mental/physical-some due to accidents- always unanswered and confusing- I don't know.  That's just it, I guess you don't know.  You can't sit around a worry about it, unless you are Sicilian- then it comes with the territory.   I told someone that being Sicilian is a part time job.  The worry- the food obsessions- the death obsession...the hard gestures- it's all very time consuming. 

In my many thoughts about  the end...I have a few things that I want to put out there- 

Cremated- I want to be cremated. I don't need a bunch of people judging me and how I look in that coffin- and I certainly don't want to go through eternity wearing a freaking  bra- fuck that- cremate me sprinkle my ashes in the ocean as close to Asbury Park as possible- or right on Bruce Springsteen's front lawn- oh hel,l sprinkle me right on Bruce Springsteen!

Open Bar- Is it wrong to have an open bar at a wake- I think it would ease the tension and relax everyone-Maybe even a signature cocktail- a Gaga Colada or something-  I bet more people would come too!  Which leads me to my next requests

Separate Cars-  I saw a funeral procession the other day and it was the hearse- and then like four cars- No Way!!! - I want the people waiting at a green light at an intersection to say "Wow -Who the hell died??? Must have been pretty popular!"

Music- We played Frank Sinatra at my mom's wake at her request- I guess I would go with the obvious Springsteen choice- (how funny to hear  Rosalita in the middle of a wake)- but I think I would needs some show!  tunes!  people!!!!  Specific show tunes;

For Good - from Wicked (of course)

Memory- from Cats (obviously)

So Long, Dearie from Hello Dolly

One Day More- from Les Miz

Good Bye Old Girl- from Damn Yankees

Don't Rain on My Parade (funeral procession) -from Funny Girl

Last Night of the World - from Miss Saigon

The Party's Over- from The Bells are Ringing

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life -from Spamalot

So Long, Farewell- from Sound of Music

Dance 10 Looks 3- from Chorus Line ( you musical nerds will know why)

And I am Telling You- I'm Not Going -from Dreamgirls

To name a few....

I'm not being disrespectful- those who know me and have been reading my thoughts theses past years know it's all about the sense of humor- how do you get by with out it?   I do know that death and dying and illness is no laughing matter- when my precious granddaughter was in surgery-nothing was was funny,  I would look at other people and think - what are you smiling about? - until she was out of surgery & out of the hospital ...and everything was worth smiling about.  Even more so because the outcome could have been so different and now she smiles more that anyone I know. These days, she is the source of most of my smiles and laughter- along with her brother- the loves of my life!

So my advice to you is, if you can- find the loves of your life- whether it person, place or thing. Hang on to it and enjoy life!  You just don't know when your ending will be.  So be kind to people- be kind to yourself.  

I like to think I will look back and say, I'm really glad I did  _______ !(fill in the blank with something that seemed really stupid at the time) For example:  When I payed way too much to see the aforementioned Bruce Springsteen twice in three days-Once should have been enough (yeah right- I'm on concert #17) .So I went to that second show- I didn't know that I would get the chance to see him close up after that show as he was leaving the arena.  By close up- I mean rushing his car like an teenager obsessed  to the sound of the police saying "you need to move back... Please ma'am stay on the side walk" ...Ma'am???- aren't I 18 years old...and.the answer to that came the next day -um  "NO"- my ass was tiiii-red, but I will never regret that night. There are so many other unregrettable things and hopefully many things to come! So as the old show tune says "forget regret- or life is yours to miss".  No Day But Today, baby.  So say yes to that invite- even if you are on the couch, all comfy. Even I am thinking of changing my Bra Off Policy- ( once I've "released the hounds' there's no going out) There are a precious few of you that I have revoked the policy for- but not many!!!  I think I will re- think things and put that baby back and go out if the opportunity arises.  Especially because the Ol' DD have been coming off earlier and earlier these day. Finish your life each day- make each day count- even if it is a little thing that made you happy or even better- someone else happy.  Make that goal -fill your life with good- Good People- Good Food - Good Times!!!  I have never been a Bucket List person unless that bucket is full of delicious KFC- but I do get it!  I am sort of opposite- I kind of do things and add it to my list- kind of a FUCK-IT List.  I can't afford this- I really shouldn't ....Fuck It- I did it...and I didn't get arrested  ...just sayin'