Yeah, I'm not really sure what that phrase means, but I love it and it does describe the weather the past week or so. Hot as Balls...I have a good idea what it means and I really don't want to think about it - I just like saying it!
Now I love this weather ...this is the weather I think about when I am scraping the ice off my car windows, knee deep in snow. This is the weather I think about when my car is in the furthest parking space from the store in mid December. This is the weather I think about when my back wheels are making that zzzz zzzz zzzz sound when I'm stuck in the snow bank at the end of the drive way. Got it? I love this weather...it's "hide the sharp knives" hot and I love watching the tempers flair!
Now I understand....especially when the humidity is 1000%, we all get a little nastier. But since I've kind of jumped feet first into my 50's, I like to think of it as leveling the playing field. I have this personal little heat wave all year round...thanks a lot menopause!
I do have to feel for the kids in our theater group. I think I have mentioned that we are attempting to perform
Jospeh and the blah blah bla ..Dreamcoat ( which, by the way, may be just Joseph! if we don't locate the technicolor son of a gun). Anyway, in this hot little theater we have these 11 sweaty brothers dancing and singing sometime with their 11 sweaty "wives". We haven't even put up any real numbers yet....when we do ....there will be about 45 of them, plus about 20 musicians, a choreographer, musical & assistant directors and pre-menopausal me! Oh and don't forget all the egos! Honestly, I love these kids. They are troopers. They give it their all every rehearsal ( can you tell it's early on in the process....I have scheduled a "melt down" no pun intended in about 2 weeks).
But honestly I do love this season...it's summer and it's summer musical season. ....
I used to wait all year for this time. You get to see all the people you really haven't seen for like 10 months and then you are practically joined at the hip with them for the next 2!! I still feel this way...someone recently commented that it seems to be "taking over my life" and I answered that it absolutely has. The obsession is the best part about it...eat sleep musical....We couldn't wait til rehearsal and when we cancelled a rehearsal ,I overheard one of my little actors say "awww I hate when I can't come here". That makes it all worth it -a zillion degrees and all.
But the heat paired with a bunch of these theater folk,dare I say, divas (and I mean that in a good way) that makes for some tense times. Everyone has great ideas of how certain things should look and sound. And they are all GREAT ideas and sometimes the Ado Annie in me comes out.and "I caint say no"....It's because there is passion behind these ideas, it's not that they just want it their way....it's the passion, the
heat that drives these people to show up every night so we can "put on a show". It's hard to say no to that passion! But I get paid the big bucks to make sure we have 200+ sweaty people for 4 shows walking out of that hot little theater thoroughly entertained ...at least $9 worth of entertained!
There is something about this season ...the sultriness ...the smoldering heat that makes people go to extremes...it's the extreme that I like I think...(so I cant say no and I like to go to extremes to those keeping score out there)
We all know that it is the the heat makes people...actors and other animals misbehave a bit. My favorite is when someone says something so mean and so rude and then comes back with..."sorry I'm just hot" ....like no one else is.
Now the only people I will let slide on that are the cooks that I work with at the restaurant. Man, its like working on the sun back there. So you have to be nice to the cooks....and while you're at it be nice to your servers- we work back there too and ...if you haven't learned that lesson yet -don't mess with the people that touch your food. So thank you Mr. I am more important than anyone else,
I will bring your 50 chicken wings out when they are ready...so you don't have to remind me that you ordered them/ask me where they are...I have been doing this for a long time, dude, I know how it works. You order...Cooks cook...I bring out...pretty simple asshole...sorry I'm just hot...
Thank God for air conditioning ....when it works...especially in your car. So Ms. I had to cut you off just to go 20 miles under the speed limit, my horn works way better than the air conditioner does....Is it getting hotter in here...
Yeah it is... hot as balls...Balls- while we are on the subject -is one of my favorite "swears" It's kind of kid friendly because they don't get it yet and it way less offensive than motherfucker. I always imagine that being my answer when James Lipton asks me what my favorite swear word is on Inside the Actor's Studio-
"It's motherfucker, James" .....yeah so ...I never grew up...remember ...I used to be one of those sweaty actors on stage ...now I'm the sweaty, pre-menopausal director ( which still gets looks and comments believe it or not ...woman director???) I think the reason I like the phrase hot as balls so much is that it reminds me of the origin of why I say "BALLS" when I get mad. I believe the quote is... "Balls, said the Queen, if I had them, I'd be King"...just sayin'
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
A Few Good Men
I have been thinking about men lately....and not because of that 50 Shades of Whatever. I think about men a lot. So what...I have a lot of men in my life to think about. A husband, a dad, a son, a son-in-law, a grandson, co workers, friends and to top it off, I was in search of about a dozen or so guys who can sing and dance.
Yes it is theater season again and we decided to do Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat ...which requires in addition to the main character of Joseph, his 11 brothers! We did it...we found a dozen (and then some) talented young men to fill the bill which only means, I will be surrounded by even more men this summer! (Much more about my musical trial and tribulations to come...) So back to men
Maybe because it was just Father's Day ...maybe because I went to 3 wakes for 3 men. One was a grandfather, one dad from our school..one father of a dear friend who was also a war hero. All very sad and all got me thinking about the men in my life and men in general.
I don't claim to be an expert, but a few decades of observation and 30 years of marriage have led me to the conclusion of men...they are all alike! Young, old, gay, straight, any shape, size or color....men are all alike. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. There is some comfort in that I feel. I have had many conversations over coffee or stronger beverages about husbands or boy friends and many times my answer to them has been..."it's a man thing" More times than not...I have been right..."It's a man thing".
So what does that mean......the idea that men are only after one thing is true...but that one thing changes, it differs a bit with the man and the situation, but I will try to break it down
HUNGRY- EAT TIRED - SLEEP MISERABLE- POOP
(usually poop...sometimes this last emotion if you can call miserable an emotion involves s-e-x ...a shade of grey if you will). I know it sounds infantile but in my experience it helps to keep this in mind and it applies cradle to grave. My grandson and my husband are much easier to be around after they EAT SLEEP POOP ...(starring Julia Roberts...).
Proof: One time we had to deal with an insurance issue. I spoke to the insurance agent, I got all the info ...I made some decision or two that I was a little unsure about. So I called the Mr and told him what I had done/decided and he was very quite on the other end of the line.
ME:"Did I do the wrong thing...should I have done something different, you're not saying anything" HIM: "It's fine, but really have to go to the bathroom."
Your Honor...I rest my case!
Maybe this is not true with all men...but in my experience, it makes life easier if you get those three things out of the way first, then you can further investigate and they are sooooo different from girls it's kind of refreshing. Speaking as a mother. I have 2 daughters 1 son...now we all know how girls can be (that is a blog and a half) but having a boy in the middle gave me a little respite from GIRLWORLD.
Proof: My son had some guys over back when Texas Hold 'Em was all the rage. There were some words exchanged about some one cheating blah blah blah, voices got loud and there was some storming out. I was panicked. I was expected to spend the next day on the phone with some of the moms of these upset boys and I was trying to piece together how it all went down. The next day rolls around and there they are.. all the boys ...everyone of them back at my house, playing poker like nothing happened. Awesome! If this were one of my girls and a situation like that broke out...I would be dealing with weeks of phone calls and tears and probably an eating disorder or two. Holy shit! I love men!
Another cool thing about men is that my son and my husband are still friends with people they went to elementary school with. I have one, just one that I stay in touch with... Tammy- who used to ride bikes by boys houses with me and was by my side for my first encounter with a real man...Hubbell Gardner (aka Robert Redford in the Way We Were.) That perfect man in that perfect movie which we saw about 100 times and consequently "ruined romance for us" ...But it was those early days looking for a ''Hubbell" that made me love men!
I do ...I love men...which is why I am giving myself license to dish a little. I like the company of men...I prefer to work for and with men I get along with all the cooks (men) at the restaurant and share a room at school with a man....I kind of grew up as a "one of the guys" girls. (I'm "the you're so funny, hey, let's chug a beer and listen to this disgusting , offensive joke and who is your tall blonde friend? " girl) So I have always felt comportable around men. ....most of my friends and very best friends are men. I DO believe men and women can be friends (sorry to the "Billy Crystal" out there... I think I kind of do believe it)
But as much as I love men I hope everyone out there that you knows you have to love yourself before you can really love any man...or anything. I don't want to go all Oprah on you ...but you come first...then your man...(that's what she said...couldn't resist) But honestly, sometimes we lose ourselves in what our men want and drive ourselves crazy "over a guy" to quote Holly Hunter in Broadcast News. I love that movie too. She is a successful news producer whose world is shook up "over a guy"...now granted this guy was William Hurt. But it goes to show you how we can drive ourselves to drink because some man says or does something that cuts us to the core and we spend hours trying to shake it and figure it out what it all means and sometime the answer is very simple.
Sometimes our men just want to EAT SLEEP POOP and maybe a couple a shades of grey...just sayin
Yes it is theater season again and we decided to do Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat ...which requires in addition to the main character of Joseph, his 11 brothers! We did it...we found a dozen (and then some) talented young men to fill the bill which only means, I will be surrounded by even more men this summer! (Much more about my musical trial and tribulations to come...) So back to men
Maybe because it was just Father's Day ...maybe because I went to 3 wakes for 3 men. One was a grandfather, one dad from our school..one father of a dear friend who was also a war hero. All very sad and all got me thinking about the men in my life and men in general.
I don't claim to be an expert, but a few decades of observation and 30 years of marriage have led me to the conclusion of men...they are all alike! Young, old, gay, straight, any shape, size or color....men are all alike. I'm not saying that is a bad thing. There is some comfort in that I feel. I have had many conversations over coffee or stronger beverages about husbands or boy friends and many times my answer to them has been..."it's a man thing" More times than not...I have been right..."It's a man thing".
So what does that mean......the idea that men are only after one thing is true...but that one thing changes, it differs a bit with the man and the situation, but I will try to break it down
HUNGRY- EAT TIRED - SLEEP MISERABLE- POOP
(usually poop...sometimes this last emotion if you can call miserable an emotion involves s-e-x ...a shade of grey if you will). I know it sounds infantile but in my experience it helps to keep this in mind and it applies cradle to grave. My grandson and my husband are much easier to be around after they EAT SLEEP POOP ...(starring Julia Roberts...).
Proof: One time we had to deal with an insurance issue. I spoke to the insurance agent, I got all the info ...I made some decision or two that I was a little unsure about. So I called the Mr and told him what I had done/decided and he was very quite on the other end of the line.
ME:"Did I do the wrong thing...should I have done something different, you're not saying anything" HIM: "It's fine, but really have to go to the bathroom."
Your Honor...I rest my case!
Maybe this is not true with all men...but in my experience, it makes life easier if you get those three things out of the way first, then you can further investigate and they are sooooo different from girls it's kind of refreshing. Speaking as a mother. I have 2 daughters 1 son...now we all know how girls can be (that is a blog and a half) but having a boy in the middle gave me a little respite from GIRLWORLD.
Proof: My son had some guys over back when Texas Hold 'Em was all the rage. There were some words exchanged about some one cheating blah blah blah, voices got loud and there was some storming out. I was panicked. I was expected to spend the next day on the phone with some of the moms of these upset boys and I was trying to piece together how it all went down. The next day rolls around and there they are.. all the boys ...everyone of them back at my house, playing poker like nothing happened. Awesome! If this were one of my girls and a situation like that broke out...I would be dealing with weeks of phone calls and tears and probably an eating disorder or two. Holy shit! I love men!
Another cool thing about men is that my son and my husband are still friends with people they went to elementary school with. I have one, just one that I stay in touch with... Tammy- who used to ride bikes by boys houses with me and was by my side for my first encounter with a real man...Hubbell Gardner (aka Robert Redford in the Way We Were.) That perfect man in that perfect movie which we saw about 100 times and consequently "ruined romance for us" ...But it was those early days looking for a ''Hubbell" that made me love men!
I do ...I love men...which is why I am giving myself license to dish a little. I like the company of men...I prefer to work for and with men I get along with all the cooks (men) at the restaurant and share a room at school with a man....I kind of grew up as a "one of the guys" girls. (I'm "the you're so funny, hey, let's chug a beer and listen to this disgusting , offensive joke and who is your tall blonde friend? " girl) So I have always felt comportable around men. ....most of my friends and very best friends are men. I DO believe men and women can be friends (sorry to the "Billy Crystal" out there... I think I kind of do believe it)
But as much as I love men I hope everyone out there that you knows you have to love yourself before you can really love any man...or anything. I don't want to go all Oprah on you ...but you come first...then your man...(that's what she said...couldn't resist) But honestly, sometimes we lose ourselves in what our men want and drive ourselves crazy "over a guy" to quote Holly Hunter in Broadcast News. I love that movie too. She is a successful news producer whose world is shook up "over a guy"...now granted this guy was William Hurt. But it goes to show you how we can drive ourselves to drink because some man says or does something that cuts us to the core and we spend hours trying to shake it and figure it out what it all means and sometime the answer is very simple.
Sometimes our men just want to EAT SLEEP POOP and maybe a couple a shades of grey...just sayin
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
So a deaf man and a blind woman walk into a bar....
Sounds like the beginning of a great joke, right? Oh the possibilities! But it's no joke, folks....tonight at the restaurant/bar where I work, a deaf man and a blind woman came in for dinner. Keep this thought in mind as I say that I was in that "waa- waa- feeling sorry for myself "mood. I'm driving to my second job,and I'm pissed off at every dumbass driver that crossed my path. I am stressing over the beginning stages of musical planning....the business part of "show" business which I really don't like..I am also stressing over being in the midst of putting up a show which I "adopted" when their director quit....Plus..I am in a total "what the hell do I want to do if and when I grow up" phase.
Shut. Up. right?
So it's hot and it's humid, my hair looks like Linc from the Mod Squad and my mind is going in a hundred different directions and my first table is this deaf man and blind woman. GREAT! Within seconds ... I immediately start feeling like a real jackhole for even complaining about my perfect life. This couple sat there, holding hands... holding hands because that is how they communicate with each other. She would sign into his hand as he read the menu and signed back to her. He would look at me then and speak his order the best he could. I'm sure he was thinking why is this goofy woman smiling so much? (I suppose I smile a lot in awkward situations)...but it was better than trying to be all Annie Sullivan at them and try to"over" help. They were doing just fine on their own. They ordered their dinners and drank their sodas "with not a lot of ice" . They were fascinating to watch and absolutely adorable.
I wonder if they know the impact they had on me. It was like getting hit in the head with a cast iron frying pan a la Wile E. Coyote on the Road Runner cartoons. How dare I complain about the "stuff" I have to deal with. I think of the people I encounter during the day...co-workers, family, friends, random humans...there is a whole lot of bitching out there folks and I'm not so sure how much of it is justified. We all have "one of those days" ...I was having one myself. We are all allowed to have them ...once in a while. Some people, though, are really pushing it ...in my opinion. Now I am all about that "walking in their shoes"shit and you really don't know people until then...but COME ON!!! I see an awful lot of " boo hoo..there was a long line at the bank as I was cashing my $1000 check" kind of whining. I wish those people (and again- you know who you are) could have witnessed the deaf man and blind woman having dinner.
I wish more people had the LIVE LAUGH LOVE attitude that I try to have...and I think I do tons of reality checks when I start getting whiny. People need to do that more. And now here's a little story..
When I had my last child ...there were ....complications....not with her, thank God...with me. I won't go into it...that's a whole other blog topic. But I almost didn't make it. There were surgeries and heart issues and thoughts of being the main character in the Lifetime movie of the woman who went to have her third child and didn't come out alive....scary stuff kids...but it's been 22 years and for the most part have adopted the live your life lifestyle. You just never know ....
I have been accused, many ,many times of not taking things seriously., "you know, not everything is funny," I've been told... Well the truth is...not everything is funny...mostly it's hysterical ...you just have to be able to look at life a little differently. Sure there are serious, scary things...I 've been through a bunch of them...but when things are not that bad....don't make them worse. Try to be positive...have faith and don't be afraid to laugh and enjoy the ride.
Back to the deaf man and the blind woman...they ate every bit of their dinner....paid their bill, left me a great tip and they were on their way. The bartender and I wondered how they manage. What do they do when they get home. How do they run errands, pay bills and just do every day tasks ?Everything seemed like it was such a struggle....probably not to them, though..they were just out for dinner on a lovely, warm May evening. I honestly can not get them out of my mind..but I forgot to mention that when I gave them their drinks, they sat there for a minute. As I walked away.. out of the corner of my eye I saw them clink glasses together...."cheers".
Now I don't like to cry in public....I am a very emotional person but I do NOT like people to see me cry....only a few chosen have...but man...turn on the water works when I saw the deaf man and the blind woman toast each other over their diet pepsi's....it was truly one of the coolest thing I ever saw. I'm not going to say it changed my life but it surely gave me a kick in the big ass attitude adjustment.... So maybe I didn't get that interview and ONE of our cars may need work on the transmission...and my kitchen counter didn't come in ..but just I saw and I heard two of the coolest people ever who made me open my eyes and ears on this lovely, warm May evening ...."cheers'.....just saying
Shut. Up. right?
So it's hot and it's humid, my hair looks like Linc from the Mod Squad and my mind is going in a hundred different directions and my first table is this deaf man and blind woman. GREAT! Within seconds ... I immediately start feeling like a real jackhole for even complaining about my perfect life. This couple sat there, holding hands... holding hands because that is how they communicate with each other. She would sign into his hand as he read the menu and signed back to her. He would look at me then and speak his order the best he could. I'm sure he was thinking why is this goofy woman smiling so much? (I suppose I smile a lot in awkward situations)...but it was better than trying to be all Annie Sullivan at them and try to"over" help. They were doing just fine on their own. They ordered their dinners and drank their sodas "with not a lot of ice" . They were fascinating to watch and absolutely adorable.
I wonder if they know the impact they had on me. It was like getting hit in the head with a cast iron frying pan a la Wile E. Coyote on the Road Runner cartoons. How dare I complain about the "stuff" I have to deal with. I think of the people I encounter during the day...co-workers, family, friends, random humans...there is a whole lot of bitching out there folks and I'm not so sure how much of it is justified. We all have "one of those days" ...I was having one myself. We are all allowed to have them ...once in a while. Some people, though, are really pushing it ...in my opinion. Now I am all about that "walking in their shoes"shit and you really don't know people until then...but COME ON!!! I see an awful lot of " boo hoo..there was a long line at the bank as I was cashing my $1000 check" kind of whining. I wish those people (and again- you know who you are) could have witnessed the deaf man and blind woman having dinner.
I wish more people had the LIVE LAUGH LOVE attitude that I try to have...and I think I do tons of reality checks when I start getting whiny. People need to do that more. And now here's a little story..
When I had my last child ...there were ....complications....not with her, thank God...with me. I won't go into it...that's a whole other blog topic. But I almost didn't make it. There were surgeries and heart issues and thoughts of being the main character in the Lifetime movie of the woman who went to have her third child and didn't come out alive....scary stuff kids...but it's been 22 years and for the most part have adopted the live your life lifestyle. You just never know ....
I have been accused, many ,many times of not taking things seriously., "you know, not everything is funny," I've been told... Well the truth is...not everything is funny...mostly it's hysterical ...you just have to be able to look at life a little differently. Sure there are serious, scary things...I 've been through a bunch of them...but when things are not that bad....don't make them worse. Try to be positive...have faith and don't be afraid to laugh and enjoy the ride.
Back to the deaf man and the blind woman...they ate every bit of their dinner....paid their bill, left me a great tip and they were on their way. The bartender and I wondered how they manage. What do they do when they get home. How do they run errands, pay bills and just do every day tasks ?Everything seemed like it was such a struggle....probably not to them, though..they were just out for dinner on a lovely, warm May evening. I honestly can not get them out of my mind..but I forgot to mention that when I gave them their drinks, they sat there for a minute. As I walked away.. out of the corner of my eye I saw them clink glasses together...."cheers".
Now I don't like to cry in public....I am a very emotional person but I do NOT like people to see me cry....only a few chosen have...but man...turn on the water works when I saw the deaf man and the blind woman toast each other over their diet pepsi's....it was truly one of the coolest thing I ever saw. I'm not going to say it changed my life but it surely gave me a kick in the big ass attitude adjustment.... So maybe I didn't get that interview and ONE of our cars may need work on the transmission...and my kitchen counter didn't come in ..but just I saw and I heard two of the coolest people ever who made me open my eyes and ears on this lovely, warm May evening ...."cheers'.....just saying
Sunday, May 6, 2012
This is a test...this is only a test.....
Beeeeeeep....remember those? Those Emergency Broadcast System things used to scare the shit out of me! What were those and what is the Emergency Broadcast System anyway? All I know is that I would hear that beep and think "just a test...did they say it was just a test? This isn't THE emergency where we are supposed to tune into that station....wait ...what are we supposed to do....WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?"
I can only assume that this stress early on in my life contributed to my hatred for tests! I hate tests -always have. I guess I don't know of too many people who enjoy them (I'm sure you're out there) but I know there are people who handle them better than I.
I am not a good test taker....I never was. I would try to study but I never knew what to study and I always studied the wrong stuff. I had all kinds of tricks, songs, mnemonic and none of that information was ever on the test. I would read so much in to the questions that I would wind up stressing over the simplest things.
(What do they mean by Name__________________?)
Tests- I know at one point in my life....way, way back... I took a test and did so well that they wanted me to skip a grade at School 49. I think it was 1st or 2nd - I don't know because my Mom said no based on the fact that I was too little....size wise...too little. I will pause here for the collective ...huh?. Whatever ...I can't think about how different things may have been because everything happens for a reason but seriously....too little....huh?
But grade skipping aside, I know that I am sort of bright, kind of clever and sometimes I can be
somewhat of a "smartypants" if you will...but put a test in front of me and I'm all TRUE...no FALSE...no TRUE...oh shit! Maybe I can make it look like a "T" and an "F" and let the person correcting deal with it.
Tests- I'm stressed just thinking about the word. Even out of the school setting...who ever wants to hear the phrase "I'm sending you for tests" or "those tests were inconclusive so we'll run some more tests " I do not like those kinds of tests either.
Road Test- I passed mine on the first try and I am a HORRIBLE driver. I checked my mirrors and parallel parked and passed....so what did that prove. It proved for that little snapshot of my driving ventures, I did everything right. I guess that is kind of my point. Tests kind of show what you know or what you remember at that little snippet of time. In college, I took and passed tests in classes ranging from Greek Mythology to Geology to Rhetoric...test me now on that BS ( ironically the degree I earned) I don't think I would do very well...geology-really?. I do know a bit about Greek Mythology mostly thanks to crossword puzzles and Jeopardy.
The reason TESTS have jumped in the forefront of my cluttered brain is that for the past two week the 3rd, 4th & 5th graders at the school I work at have been inundated with New York State tests. Now the tests have been all over the news mostly due to the unfair questions, the "opting out" movement, the amount of time used for teaching to the tests and the ridiculous actions they will be taking with the results of these tests.
A certain percentage of the classroom teacher's evaluation will be determined by the outcome of the tests. Can you imagine you are assessed based on how a bunch of 8 year olds felt like doing on a test on a certain day?
It's like my driving test. I did well on that day....but if I hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten my licence...but they wouldn't have taken away my dad's licence because he's the one who taught me how to drive. Sounds silly when you think about it like that. But that isn't even the worst part. I just think about that one kid...that one who is just like me when I'm faced with tests. The stress of having to take 6 tests in 2 weeks is more than I would have been able to handle at that age.
They are told not to worry and get upset about it, it's just like any other test but only use these #2 pencils (do we know what the other number pencils are for)/we can't answer any of your question/ if you need to use the bathroom you must do so with a chaperone /and make sure you bubble in correctly/ DON'T ERASE -cross out then circle...what the fuck? I'm stressed!
Let's face it ... I took tests as a kid and I know, more recently my kids took tests. I always told them do your best, prepare yourself and do your best...YOUR best. You don't have to do THE best. If you do, great, but just try to show what you are capable of.
I recall my youngest (a lot like me) totally stressing about these test. Stomach aches ...head aches...and me totally relaxed mom at this point... telling her that the outcome of these tests for her will be someone saying..."oh she did well, just like I thought or hmmm I thought she'd do better". But either way it won't change your day to day life....and it didn't. My son...who also followed in my footsteps as a bad test taker...did not fare well on his Math assessment way back when he was 12 or 13. (yes ...let's test kids going through puberty and base important decisions on those results.) When the dust settled and the results were in, his score showed he was eligible for extra help in Math,
a subject that he was now pulling 90's in. So much for tests, I did have one good test taker- my oldest daughter--the logical one ...She has a brilliant mathematical mind and also says some of the "air headiest "things I ever heard uttered by a human being. So much for tests.
So in conclusion..being an intelligent woman, a "smartypants" as aforementioned, I can see the need for tests- I understand what they show ....but I don't think it tells the whole story. While proctoring one of these test I encountered a "little darling" that will probably score very well on these assessments but was one of the most obnoxious, rudest child I've seen. What are you going to do with that New York State! While tests are important ...I always feel there are things that can't be tested (on paper) that prove more important. I like seeing people's true colors come out when "tested" in certain situations. Some of the "smartest" people are the "dumbest" people I know. You know who you are!
So tests...are there good tests? Taste tests- I guess I'd like those...Pregnancy tests...I was always pretty good at those-- ( I can pee on those sticks like nobody's business) but those can be scary too...
And the phrase "I've been tested" has a whole new meaning in these current times One's reaction to hearing that phrase come out of one of your childrens' mouths is a true test of a person ----my reaction.....let me see if I can illustrate it....you know those Looney Tune cartoons where the character has a frozen smile on and piece by piece their face falls apart....yeah that's the reaction!
So yeah I get it ...tests are a necessary evil in all aspects of society but I guess how you react and what you do with the results is more telling than anything they can test you on.
Just
a) be prepared
b) do your best
c) don't panic
d) whatever the result- deal with it and move on
Ummm...I choose e) all of the above...true? no... false no true...can you repeat the question...
just sayin'
I can only assume that this stress early on in my life contributed to my hatred for tests! I hate tests -always have. I guess I don't know of too many people who enjoy them (I'm sure you're out there) but I know there are people who handle them better than I.
I am not a good test taker....I never was. I would try to study but I never knew what to study and I always studied the wrong stuff. I had all kinds of tricks, songs, mnemonic and none of that information was ever on the test. I would read so much in to the questions that I would wind up stressing over the simplest things.
(What do they mean by Name__________________?)
Tests- I know at one point in my life....way, way back... I took a test and did so well that they wanted me to skip a grade at School 49. I think it was 1st or 2nd - I don't know because my Mom said no based on the fact that I was too little....size wise...too little. I will pause here for the collective ...huh?. Whatever ...I can't think about how different things may have been because everything happens for a reason but seriously....too little....huh?
But grade skipping aside, I know that I am sort of bright, kind of clever and sometimes I can be
somewhat of a "smartypants" if you will...but put a test in front of me and I'm all TRUE...no FALSE...no TRUE...oh shit! Maybe I can make it look like a "T" and an "F" and let the person correcting deal with it.
Tests- I'm stressed just thinking about the word. Even out of the school setting...who ever wants to hear the phrase "I'm sending you for tests" or "those tests were inconclusive so we'll run some more tests " I do not like those kinds of tests either.
Road Test- I passed mine on the first try and I am a HORRIBLE driver. I checked my mirrors and parallel parked and passed....so what did that prove. It proved for that little snapshot of my driving ventures, I did everything right. I guess that is kind of my point. Tests kind of show what you know or what you remember at that little snippet of time. In college, I took and passed tests in classes ranging from Greek Mythology to Geology to Rhetoric...test me now on that BS ( ironically the degree I earned) I don't think I would do very well...geology-really?. I do know a bit about Greek Mythology mostly thanks to crossword puzzles and Jeopardy.
The reason TESTS have jumped in the forefront of my cluttered brain is that for the past two week the 3rd, 4th & 5th graders at the school I work at have been inundated with New York State tests. Now the tests have been all over the news mostly due to the unfair questions, the "opting out" movement, the amount of time used for teaching to the tests and the ridiculous actions they will be taking with the results of these tests.
A certain percentage of the classroom teacher's evaluation will be determined by the outcome of the tests. Can you imagine you are assessed based on how a bunch of 8 year olds felt like doing on a test on a certain day?
It's like my driving test. I did well on that day....but if I hadn't, I wouldn't have gotten my licence...but they wouldn't have taken away my dad's licence because he's the one who taught me how to drive. Sounds silly when you think about it like that. But that isn't even the worst part. I just think about that one kid...that one who is just like me when I'm faced with tests. The stress of having to take 6 tests in 2 weeks is more than I would have been able to handle at that age.
They are told not to worry and get upset about it, it's just like any other test but only use these #2 pencils (do we know what the other number pencils are for)/we can't answer any of your question/ if you need to use the bathroom you must do so with a chaperone /and make sure you bubble in correctly/ DON'T ERASE -cross out then circle...what the fuck? I'm stressed!
Let's face it ... I took tests as a kid and I know, more recently my kids took tests. I always told them do your best, prepare yourself and do your best...YOUR best. You don't have to do THE best. If you do, great, but just try to show what you are capable of.
I recall my youngest (a lot like me) totally stressing about these test. Stomach aches ...head aches...and me totally relaxed mom at this point... telling her that the outcome of these tests for her will be someone saying..."oh she did well, just like I thought or hmmm I thought she'd do better". But either way it won't change your day to day life....and it didn't. My son...who also followed in my footsteps as a bad test taker...did not fare well on his Math assessment way back when he was 12 or 13. (yes ...let's test kids going through puberty and base important decisions on those results.) When the dust settled and the results were in, his score showed he was eligible for extra help in Math,
a subject that he was now pulling 90's in. So much for tests, I did have one good test taker- my oldest daughter--the logical one ...She has a brilliant mathematical mind and also says some of the "air headiest "things I ever heard uttered by a human being. So much for tests.
So in conclusion..being an intelligent woman, a "smartypants" as aforementioned, I can see the need for tests- I understand what they show ....but I don't think it tells the whole story. While proctoring one of these test I encountered a "little darling" that will probably score very well on these assessments but was one of the most obnoxious, rudest child I've seen. What are you going to do with that New York State! While tests are important ...I always feel there are things that can't be tested (on paper) that prove more important. I like seeing people's true colors come out when "tested" in certain situations. Some of the "smartest" people are the "dumbest" people I know. You know who you are!
So tests...are there good tests? Taste tests- I guess I'd like those...Pregnancy tests...I was always pretty good at those-- ( I can pee on those sticks like nobody's business) but those can be scary too...
And the phrase "I've been tested" has a whole new meaning in these current times One's reaction to hearing that phrase come out of one of your childrens' mouths is a true test of a person ----my reaction.....let me see if I can illustrate it....you know those Looney Tune cartoons where the character has a frozen smile on and piece by piece their face falls apart....yeah that's the reaction!
So yeah I get it ...tests are a necessary evil in all aspects of society but I guess how you react and what you do with the results is more telling than anything they can test you on.
Just
a) be prepared
b) do your best
c) don't panic
d) whatever the result- deal with it and move on
Ummm...I choose e) all of the above...true? no... false no true...can you repeat the question...
just sayin'
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