What a Drag it is Getting Old

The Rolling Stones were in town this past weekend.  I did not go to see them.  I kind of wish I had…I'm sure it was a mixed bag of age groups.  My son and son in law were there. They tailgated from very early and got home very late...to paraphrase Danny Glover in Legal Weapon..."I'm too old for that shit".  I really rarely say that- but that phrase has been creeping into my lexicon as of late. Another reason I didn't go to the concert was an article I wrote way back in the days when I wrote for the Buff State newspaper,  ( I know I told this story before, I can hear my kids' collective eyes rolling- but I'm old now and I can start repeating stories....I checked, it's in the handbook) 

When I was interviewing my cousin's punk rock band "Stiff Mitten" (great name) I casually said I doubt bands like the Rolling Stones will be touring in 20 years...well that was 30 plus years ago. I kind of still stand by it. Although I heard they put on an awesome show- it had to be kind of odd to see 70+ year old guys singing "You cant always get what you want"...C'mon Mick, if you haven't gotten it by now.  I mean really 70!  Did they play Under ( I think there's arthritis in )My Thumb or Wild Horses (couldn't drag me off this couch)But, also something kind of cool about it too about getting older.

I think the worst part is the physical part- the everything hurts. If I do anything out of the ordinary, I am sore for days. I consider myself pretty active too- especially in the summer, I am at the theater directing five nights a week- I watch my  "babies" two or three times a week and I go to the gym  (muffled word) times a week....well let's say I have a gym membership.  But if I decide to put some plants in the ground...owwww or if I carry that baby girl around too much  eeeeeehh or if I have to cut a extra tough piece of steak...yeeoww,  The next day- things ache.  I can't handle it.  If we go out for a few drinks- I stop and say-oh I have too much to do tomorrow to have a hangover- I have NEVER said that in the past- I was the queen of  "oh alright...one more shot" And it's not the alcohol that 's the killer- it's that I'm soooo tired!

Physically...I'm different- clothes fit different-my body looks different- I have to have plan B outfits all the time- and never under estimate the power of leggings and a flow-y top or the ever popular "eating pants" Oh and I can't forget to mention the fatigue- I walk around like that guy from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" who kept saying "I'm tired I'm tired - not to be confused with the times I'm walking around asking "Is the heat on- it's freaking hot in here"which usually is followed by me standing in front of the open freezer- which is where the ice cream is - and then my clothes fit differently- ahh it's quite the vicious circle ! But of all the things I've lost over the years, I think I miss bladder control the most....what the hell is up with that!?!

Mentally- I'm different- I can't remember shit!  I recently forgot my pin number for my debit card and I called the credit union and they said they would send me a reminder. I asked if they can send me a reminder..oh say every six weeks.  Not a bad idea ! My passwords are all the same and I break into a cold sweat when the time comes to update them. Make sure there's an uppercase and a number - oh what the fuck - steal my identity- I can't remember most of it any way.

Emotionally- I'm different- I have lost my patient with humans and much rather spend time with my big ol' dog. People are shidiots and I don't mind telling them so.  I used to be nicer and I cared what people thought.  I wanted everyone to like me like me like me!  Hell, now I like it when people hate me- I just hope it's for a good reason!  

BUT....on the other hand ...I have to say I kind of like being this age.  I feel like I've earned my spot in a special club where we are privy to things. Like- the phrase "this too shall pass". I remember people saying it to me when I was younger- and they were right.  I don't let myself worrying so much anymore.  Of course still do worry about things...the health and well being of my family, I AM Sicilian for God's sake.  We have made it through some unspeakably hard times and tragedies lately.  It's true that we are stronger for it.  And by the way no more thanks- I believe I am strong enough now!!!  

 I like being with people my age-especially when we are with people the next age group down and they think THEY'RE old.  HA! It's like were all in on this secret- we've been through it and came out the other side. We came out okay for the most part too. I realized this one morning while I was proctoring the SAT's.  Here were a room full of teenagers agonizing over these questions and stressing over the fact that they may have to write some thing...on paper...in CURSIVE!!!! No one knows cursive anymore-it's a lost art especially that capital Q...(that's a 2 isn't it?). Anyway, while all this was going on I was playing a little game on my tablet. Match three color marbles and break down the wall...lalalalala..Bubble Blaster or something. If you fail to do this - the word LOSER comes up in big letters on the screen.  Loser? I don't think so- ! I wouldn't trade places with these kids for all the blue marbles in Bubble Blaster Land!!! But the irony of that situation was so rich!!  Working in a high school now I see the pressure and stress these kids have to endure.  I don't think they even enjoy it.  The cyber crap and the competition.  I'll take the class of 1978 anytime baby!  Looking back- we really enjoyed high school- despite some really, really stupid decisions and dumb fashion choices.  I recently had a little reunion of sorts with some close friends from high school, and like it sometimes happens - it was like no time had passed. We may have a few more pounds and a couple of covered up grey hairs between us but we earned all of them. It is what makes us who we are.  The heartaches and tribulations and the triumphs of the years shape us. A Lot of water went under that proverbial bridge, but the "remember when" stories start-and it's like the fucking twilight zone ...we are those same goofy kids again except we can drink legally! That happens when you hear a song too- thanks to satellite radio- you get to listen to a whole car ride of 70's music! Not that it was all great ( Billy Don't be a Hero and what ever that "My name is Michael- I got a nickel" song was) but they are our memories- one Styx song and I'm right back in 11th grade!  It's so funny how I can't remember if I paid the electric bill this month but I can sing along, word for word to "Hot Rod Lincoln"...everybody...."Daddy said son your gonna drive me to drinkin...."

Age I guess is all relative, my youngest was in disbelief when she turned quarter century last year and my son is enjoying his last year of his 20's and my oldest...in her early thirties already has that "I can't ...I'm Old" excuse down. My kids will also learn as they start feeling older that their shows and music are so much better than  whatever the"kids these days" are in to. I see them do it now- I see them getting al nostalgic for the Backstreet Boys, New Kids on the Block, Spice Girls- and the cool thing is that it was all a part of my life as well as theirs. But it does make them feel "old".

What they don't know is that they have a little second childhood to look forward to.They will have a little bit of freedom from certain responsibilities both real and the ones you plague yourselves with. It is kind of cool to not care about certain things or what certain people think. In fact, they will run into people from high school in years to come and pick right up where they left off  with no pretense because you all are in the same age boat. I just hope they enjoy each age they are in because each one is important in it's own way. The truth is -it goes fast, incredibly fast. The trick is have some fun along the way and try not to take things too serious- I can almost guarantee you will be laughing about it someday. Like the time we really should have gotten arrested.....

All these kids will all be where I am some day- they will sit down on the couch to watch a show and wake up an hour later watching a completely different show!   They will get a new phone and feel like a total idiot- saying things like- no I didn't mean to call you  and oh that's just my alarm and no, I don't know how to turn it off and yes, I know it's 6:45 PM!!! Maybe they will buy a new car and stand in front of the wrong new car and wonder why the stupid key thingy doesn't work.  Okay this last one really isn't the fault of me or my age.  I bought a car last year and the choices of colors were "Metamucil Gold" ""AARP Silver" or fucking RED RED RED RED as can be!  I did not want to go tooling around in a little red car with my grand children's car seats in the back ...but I got the RED one given my other choices- now a year later everyone in town has a little red Chevy Cruze- three on my street alone- can you blame me!!

So I digress or regress as they case may be- I can't say I look forward to getting any older- I do look forward to slowing down a bit- I thought I would have by now- I am actually quite busy and I guess that's what keeps us young despite all the other aforementioned factors that are out of our control- So I will direct my musicals(good for the soul)- do my crosswords (good for the brain)- Instead of saying "I must have looked like an old lady in high school", I will say thank you when someone says I look the same as I did way back then (good for the ego) . I will plunge ahead into the next phase with my black hair and leopard print (yes I will be THAT old lady) and I will watch the next generation  contemplate if they should buy tickets to see the Tragically (artificial) Hip....just sayin'

MJust Sayin: A Weekend in Another Country

MJust Sayin: A Weekend in Another Country: It seems I can't stay away from Steven Sondheim.  "A weekend in the country...how amusing, how delightfully droll..."  Well an...

A Weekend in Another Country

It seems I can't stay away from Steven Sondheim.  "A weekend in the country...how amusing, how delightfully droll..."  Well anyone who knows me knows can attest to the fact that I would not be very amused if I was in the actual country as the song indicates.
Me and Nature ...we got a deal..I stay out of your area and you keep your bugs and spiders and such out of my house.  Not that I don't appreciate the outdoors...I d have enjoyed many a drink on a patio as a matter of fact I am outside blogging right now!   But a tent...sleeping bag...critters. I believe they had me in mind, specifically, when they coined the term "not a happy camper".

Anyway- I did have a weekend away -in another country...Oh Canada!  I never want to lose sight of the fact that we can hop over to another country in twenty minutes.  It is kind of cool- but because we've been doing it our whole lives, we forget.  I have memories of being a kid on our way to our cottage and crossing the Peace Bridge coming up to the flags at the actual border chanting US US US US -CANADA ! and on the way home CANADA CANADA CANADA CANADA- US
Not at all annoying - I'm surprised my dad didn't drive directly in to the Duty Free shop!

So here we go, my sister in law and I on a little getaway that we have been talking about for at least 15 years!  We booked our room in Niagara Fall, Canada and made reservations for dinner and that was all the planning we did!  A weekend free of plans!  We were on the road with our GPS - (did I mention we've lived here all our lives) and got to customs and for some reason it turned into the airport scene from Argo.
Why am I so nervous?
 Do I just hand the passport  to him or do I open it ?
Should we say we have wine?
How many should we say we have... three?
Say "a couple"
That's too vague
That's the point
Stick to the script.
Do you speak Farsi?
So after they barely asked us our citizenship, we were in another country - ready for adventure...but first...  a nap!  After a little pajama miscommunication  ( I can sleep anywhere in anytime and place in any outfit.-in college I used to wear my waitress uniform to bed after a late, late night so I can just get up and go to work) apparently she has to be in full pajama mode..to take a 10 minute nap.  If I did that I 'd never go out..( I have a once the bra is off policy).  Once that was hilariously figured out- we went out on the town. and we did that for three day- laugh eat drink  repeat!
 I love Canada- you pay for stuff and they bring you this blue paper back that you can also use to buy ore stuff.  Cool...I guess it's their currency...there was a moose on one and I think Michael J Fox was on another...It was kind of like that old Steve Martin thing where he was that awful waiter who messed everything up but when he brought your change it was a ton of money back "one hundred-two hundred three-hundred"..
It wasn't quite that good, but our very, very expensive steak and lamb chop dinner turned out to be very, very affordable. Thanks Canada!  This was just what I needed after the last couple weeks-no months- no years of shit...it was nice to be free-care free and phone free (international roaming what the fuck? we are 20 minutes from home!) .It felt great-and I have to thank my sister in law for being so persistent and actually making the plans.  I also want to thank the nice Canadian lady who told me I looked so pretty as we walked down the street after dinner.  I felt just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman-  only with black hair ...and a foot shorter, with food stains down her dress and full of delicious lamb but still- Is Richard Gere Canadian? I thought I saw his picture on some money.

Now we've all had weekends away and it is hard to get back to real life and yeah, it was ...but kind of different this time.  There was not the dread of the last couple years.  It was not the feeling of what fresh hell awaits me now.  I have read so much stuff on loss and grief lately and some of it helps and some of it makes me want to say shut the fuck up and get on with it. Either way, I think I'm ...healing.  Healing from the following: my husband's cancer more than scare- my mom's battle, my losing and starting new jobs...my kids moving out....my granddaughter's open heart surgery and losing my mom after such a awful fight. (well I'm exhausted- how about you?)  I would be lying to say that there still isn't a little  waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling but at least they are really cute shoes...little strappy sandals actually!  I have learned to take each day as it comes whether it be delightful or heartbreaking.  You can never plan for things- if someone told me I'd have a granddaughter who would have to go through what she  did- I would be paralyzed with fear...and although she was 80 and ill ...how do you prepared for losing your mom...you do it  moment by moment...day by day...Oh dear Lord!  You have to handle things the best way you know how. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no time frame either.You have to do what is right for you.
For example, at the Hershey stor,e when they didn't have the big chocolate covered strawberries you wanted - you just have to pick your self up, you do not  (I learned) drop to your knees and scream WHY ME GOD?? you move on...tearfully...  and maybe  have some strawberry  frozen yogurt with chocolate sauce...not the same but close and better for you  (maybe not the chocolate sauce... hell, I'm GRIEVING).
 I have had a couple of very close, close friend have health "events "as of late. In talking to them I learned to take it slow, appreciate each day- I know it may be really really scary, but you got this guys I know you do and I'm here for you and if you need a getaway....I'm your girl!  I am so good at it.  Very amusing and sometimes hilarious...extremely agreeable- up for anything (maybe not boats)!  I wish  there was an occupation as a travel companion that doesn't me sound like paid escort.
Anyway I hope for them and for all of us that there are more good times and happy days ahead if we take this life one day at a time...now I sound like a 70's TV Guide!  I guess we just have get out of bed every morning no matter how difficult or how emotionally hung over you feel and seize the day or at least face it....because when all is said and done -that big beautiful bed is waiting for you when you get home!!!
Now I don't want you to think my life is prefect...when I'm with my beautiful grandchildren- I dare say it is damn near perfection...but I still have the same fucking day to day bullshit ...money shit..like your new debt card is lost in the mail and other stresses. In years past I would have freaked with the what ifs and although it is still my first reaction now I breathe and call what ever moron is on the other end of the line and get things straightened out.

Oh some times the send the YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN YOUR CARD BY NOW letter before they send your actual card
WHAT   THE   FUCK?
Who in the wide wide world ever thought that would be a good idea????

Or you failed to pay your taxes...
yeah because it;s included in our mortgage now.
What? yeah I guess that's true...but it will take 6-8 weeks to fix it in our system

Or your FREE gym membership is going to cost your $20 a month (never trust a gym)...

Did I mention I like wine now?  I do...I really do ..it's delicious!  What was my point- oh yeah that every day is a gift...my life could have been very different  starting Thanksgiving weekend of 2012- but we handle things and we are happy for every little bit of sunshine after the longest winter EVER or a three day getaway with fake money  or a nice dream  that makes you feel that everything is going to be alright..  I used to love that feeling ( and I think I've talked  about it before.... the second  you wake up ....right before you are really up and everything is right in the world- you know , before reality sets it.)Well I haven't felt that in a while...the dread of reality part...I guess that's healing!  I still look over my shoulder hey- I'm Italian. But I am thankful for everything I have and the things I have to come. I have to remember to breathe, be sad if I want to and laugh as much as possible and have a little faith that everything is going to be okay!
Wow.. all this from a little getaway to Canada....Imagine how enlightened I'd be if  I went to sayyyyy Italy,...any takers...I'm a fun companion /escort...just sayin'

Life, Death and Frank Sinatra

What The Fuck!  An unusual way to begin I guess, but that is what I have been saying to my self for the last few weeks.                                                                                                         My mom died.                                                                                                                     Same number of words in the sentence, all one syllable words....but the what the fuck sentence  is easier to say and makes way more sense to me.  After the incredible,happy ending,"Lifetime-movie" like story of my baby granddaughter's open heart surgery (how's that for a sentence), I came back to "earth" and immediately had to deal with my mom who had been in one hospital the entire time I was at the other hospital. I went to see her the very next day and she looked awful, she could barley comprehend the good news of her great granddaughter's amazing comeback!  I thought my head was going to explode- it was the emotional equivalence  of jumping in a cold pool after being in a hot tub! So I strapped myself in for what I knew was going to be a very bumpy ride.  I longed for the days when I would  stand next to the "you must be this tall to ride this ride" signs at Crystal Beach and would get turned away. " I'm too short to handle all this" I kept thinking.- no such luck though.                                                                                                                     The doctor called us in for what was to the the first of two or three meetings....you know that meeting.  But, she rallied - for what ever reason, she did.  She was sitting up, eating an Italian ice, flirting with the doctor. Later, at the last meeting with her doctor, I realized this guys kind of looks like Frank Sinatra- that older, gray comb over version of old blue eyes!     My mom LOVED Frank Sinatra, but more than that she loved blue eyes!!!  Her beloved brother has blue eyes. She talked about it all the time- she felt inferior I think for being brown eyed.  As did I (for a while) growing up-because she as did her mom and aunt made such a fuss over her brother's genetic luck of the draw. But I love my eyes- I have been told they are one of my best features...if you look up from my other best feature- (my smile- you pervs) When I met my husbands blue/green eyed family- I felt exotic and mysterious  almost with my brown eyes that no one else in that family had at the time- Then I had two girls with sparkling brow eyes and so far, two beautiful brown eyed grandchildren, By the way, my son's eyes are not blue, but gorgeous green, close enough and I always suspected that's why he was my mom's favorite.                                                                                                But back to  Dr.Sinatra -we had a meeting where we decided to take her off of everything because although the cancer numbers were down-she was not bouncing back. Do you bounce back when you're 80?  Maybe ...maybe not  but she seemed okay with the decision-maybe relieved. He told her if she eats (and she could have what ever she wanted- finally no dietary restrictions)  she may be okay for a while. So off he went like a Stranger in the Night and we went home feeling confused  but secure that we were doing the right thing for her.

The next day I went to join my dad to meet with the Hospice people in the new room where I assumed I would be spending the remained of my spring break and then some. We can bring her all her favorite foods and play some music (you know who) and maybe have the babies come in for a visit.  Never got the chance.  I walked in and she was (what I now know) "dying" - I have never seen anything like it- the night before she was sitting up -now lying in bed in such distress- labored breathing, moaning and it was just the worst thing to see-  the worst.....What The Fuck.   I asked the nurses what did they give or not give her to cause such a drastic change. They said noting- they just moved her- I said move her the fuck back then.  
The Hospice social worker said it is common for people to just decide to stop fighting for what ever reason.. Maybe talking about taking off all the stuff was enough for her to let go.  I know though, in my heart, she was waiting to see her brother's blue eyes one last time.  He came to see her the night before she was moved- I think that is what she needed to see before she was able to stop her two year fight with this awful disease.                                 I'm so glad I got to say good bye that night - I didn't know it was the last, real good bye- but when that phone rang later that April night I knew.....                                                               Right now it may not seem like spring at all we're drifting and the laughs are few  Thank you Mr Sinatra, that about says it all.                                       So  then came the "am I in a movie" days of planning your mother's funeral.  What the Fuck! We were going to sit and talk about it as Hospice suggested, but we didn't get the chance.Those Hospice people are amazing but I think I horrified the poor social worker when she was trying to do her job by comforting me. The baby' heart ordeal came up as we were talking about how long my mom had been in the hospital....White as a ghost, she kept saying "tell me you have a third...tell me you have a third" ....I was all  "ummmm, welllll- hmmm, oh yeah, my husband had cancer a couple years ago?"   Hoping that would make her feel better-(role reversal much)  Oh good she said all relieved "they come in three's you know  and  it looks like you're done"...Can I have that in writing and notarized please? 

The wake was filled with family, friends and Frank as his music played in the background. It is amazing how many lives someone touches- it's exhautingly overwhelming! Although, I found it funny how the people you least expect are there for you and the ones you did expect immediately rise to the top of your asshole list.                                                           It's still pretty much a blur-but we got through it. I am extremely proud of my family and I know she would have been too. Her grandsons did readings and her granddaugther, my daughter gave the eulogy. I think we did it Her Way!  

And now what? well-it's good to be busy because those silent times  the wee small hours of the morning is the time I miss her most of all- Boy Frank- you are writing this blog for me!  I have to say we have already had "visits". One of her favorite songs Smile came on the night she died-you know smile-though your heart is aching-  I don't know what was on tv or what time it was or maybe it was a dream, but I feel like it was her reminding me that it's the time you must keep on trying, smile what's the use in crying, you'll find that life is still worthwhile if you just smile.  I hear you mom,  loud and clear- it wasn't Frank but I got the message- and that is what I intend to do.                  

 I am so glad that she is not in any more pain and is not tired anymore.  I miss her, but I miss the old her who I haven't seen for so long.   But I know she is watching us...both my daughters have said that on two separate occasions, their bedrooms were filled with the aroma of sauce and meatballs- well, that would be her!  I know she will be with us at our family gatherings and will be watching her great grandchildren grow!  That is if she is not too busy stalking Frank Sinatra in heaven...would he be there- wasn't he kind of a gangster? Anyway, I will keep looking for signs- when a butterfly lands at just the right moment, when a song or a favorite old movie (An Affair to Remember)  comes on just when I need it or when your picture falls on the floor as it did on the day of her wake. Or on the days when I'm awfully low, when the world is cold- I will feel the glow, just thinking of you   ... I love you Mom- and that's coming from ol' brown eyes...and as for the What The Fuck....I think she would approve....just sayin'                  

The Rory Story

Did you ever drop your phone and watch it smash onto the floor.  It  usually breaks into three pieces, the phone part, the back and the battery, all fall in different directions, If you are anything like me, the reaction is as follows:

 1) swear

 2) shake your head and snicker 

 3) pick up the pieces. put it back together and hope that it still works.

For the last five months, my life has been the human equivalence of dropping your phone.  Five months ago I fell in love all over again with a sweet little angel named Rory Lee Ann.  I believe I mentioned her the last time I was able to blog- which was before the holidays, and for that I apologize to my faithful readers.  I was incapable of stringing  together a coherent sentence (or a thought, for that matter) since my last installment.  In the last blog did mention that I was incredibly happy to welcome my granddaughter, although she kind of had a shaky start.

A shaky start is putting it mildly, but as I said I was not able to put into words my thoughts and feelings.  Yeah I know, you're thinking- that's what you do, kid- that's your thing....you talk about life stuff- good bad and hilarious. You're absolutely right, my friends.  Blogging has gotten me through cancers, loss of friends  human and animal alike, job changes and five or six musical productions.  But this was too much- way too much,  I actually felt if I were to write about it - that would make it  all too real.

It was just a mummer they said- common, right?  Well upon further investigation, it was more than that- there were three little "glitches" in her heart - two which may correct themselves. one probably not-but it was too soon to tell- she was three days old. for goodness sake.  So what do I do with this information?  Me- a former panic stricken worrier-although as I have gotten older I have become less of a "hypochondriac/fretter" and more of a "oh yeah? bring it/ wine drinker".  
I thought "she'll be fine - right? I mean - it will fix itself"  on the outside....
On the inside I was THE SCREAM..... that painting by Edvard Munch 

According to the doctors. (that my incredibly brave and strong daughter took her daughter to weekly)  Rory was a text book case, Watch for symptoms (let's add insightful and intelligent to the "strong and brave" description of my daughter)  yep...after four weeks.... symptoms.  She started on a medication to make sure fluid didn't build up in her lungs- she was slow gaining weight because her heart, her metabolism burned off all her calories. Sounds like a great thing, sure, except for she was struggling to hit 10 lbs.- which she finally did just weeks before her OPEN HEART SURGERY.    WHAT????
It was  4 1/2 months of watching her struggle to eat and breathe, yet smile and develop like a "normal" baby,  She's fine,  I just kept praying and believing that it would be okay...she wont need that surgery.   That isn't how this is going to be, right St. Jude- I mean you're the hopeless cases guy-you're gonna fix this for me.
It was 4 1/2 months of this little family-doing their best to keep things normal for a little boy who just started preschool and has a new little sister in his world.  This smart little boy, who I am sure sensed things were a bit off-for lack of a better word.
It was 4 1/2 months of an incredible extended family (and friends and angels) who were there for support and encouragement -even if they didn't know the extent of the situation.
The situation was Rory needs this surgery so why not do it while she is little so she won't remember. Sbe will heal quickly and then be able to get on with her life in front of the eight ball instead of behind.

So fast forward to the end of February- just last week....we coordinated the who's, the wheres. the hows and the WTF's  and Rory headed to Rochester for surgery.  

 RED ELEVATORS
I will always remember taking the red elevators up to the pediatric cardiac intensive care operating waiting room or whatever that little room from hell was called.  Riding the red elevators knowing that all our lives can be changed today.  

For those who FACEBOOK you know-She came through it amazingly well - her heart was mended and was "working beautifully"- she was breathing on her own by that evening and I believe I finally was as well.  I think I may have even exhaled for the first time in a long time....but I made sure to hold my breath in a little longer- it was still early.  The days after the surgery are kind of a fuzzy blur but I know when we rode those red elevators to see her ... we found she was taken off the monitors and the IVs and was dubbed the ROCK STAR of the floor.   Did we expect anything less from this little scrapper!  What I didn't expect was two day after OPEN HEART SURGERY- she would be laying there in this too big hospital bed, with a 6 inch incision (1/4 of her body) that she would look over at me and stick out her little tongue and try to make a little raspberry sound- (something I have been teaching her to do like every obnoxious Gaga should).  But I swear when our eyes connected- something... shifted- I felt it and I don't know, maybe you did  or  the whole universe did too.  But I felt like she was telling me -  I'm fine and now we are going to have many chances to do more silly, obnoxious things together.  I literally shook me and it is now a new entry in the list of moments that I will never be able to forget- or want to.
I will also always remember the night slept in her hospital room because she was moved out of intensive care (in record time I might add). I rocked her to sleep as I watched February turn into March, Alabama Shakes sang on Saturday Night Live and I knew there was a sweet, happy ending to this Rory Story.

So there you have it- that was the five days that kind of put an end to my sleepwalking through the last five months and I can't stop smiling.  You know that moment when you wake up and you don't have a care in the world...well that moment goes on all day for me! I pray thankful prayers and even though it is freaking 4 below outside and there is an ass ton of snow- my world is full of sunshine- and that sunshine comes from these little loves of my life, especially this new one with the mended heart!

Of course, I came home from Rochester to a mother in the hospital, yet again - Things are not so good- not so good at all... but that is for another blog.  I will soon be selling tickets to my emotional roller coaster ride  and you are all invited to read/ride along as I venture into whatever lies ahead.  So I guess for now I will continue to swear (after Lent) shake my head and snicker a little as I pick up the pieces and try to put everything back together and continue to hope it still works....or maybe it's time to get a new phone- just saying.

MJust Sayin: My Cup (and my plate) Runneth Over

MJust Sayin: My Cup (and my plate) Runneth Over: Runneth?  Of course there is a red squiggly line underneath that word.  Runneth. It is kind of an old fashioned word, which  I had to invest...

MJust Sayin: My Cup (and my plate) Runneth Over

MJust Sayin: My Cup (and my plate) Runneth Over: Runneth?  Of course there is a red squiggly line underneath that word.  Runneth. It is kind of an old fashioned word, which  I had to invest...