Do Nice

Nice... I have been thinking about writing this blog for a long time. But for some reason I just could not get pen to paper or fingers the keyboard, I guess is more appropriate. Nice! Is it that hard to be nice? Sometimes it seems like it is! Here it is three months into the school year, about a month or so since the election, and a week before Christmas-  so you know that whole naughty/ nice thing!   I say "be nice " a lot around my grandchildren! My six year old grandson is super smart and super sensitive-so when his feisty two-year-old little sister does something that's not so nice , he gets very hurt . and We  say "she's just a baby - she doesn't get it" but when I look in those sparkly little eyes,  I know that she really does get it ... sometimes all too well !! So we say to her " Rory be nice to your brother!" There it is gain "Be Nice" . Then to watch them eventually get along does my heart good as it does when I watch my all too grown-up children get along so well.  They really like each other and enjoy each other's company and laugh a lot( mostly at my expense) I believe the most important thing is raising nice humans and I think I have. I'm excited for the days when my own kids can hear people tell them if they have such nice children.  It is ...for lack of a better word,really nice!!!
 So my professional and real world collide quite a bit! The school world and real world are different and I told a very snooty young teacher that  one time "You know ...is not the real world " -she looked at me with disdain and disgust and disbelief and I think ask to never work with me again because I haven't seen her since.  Anyway,  in  the class I work in  the kids' behaviors are (excuse the educational term) cuckoo for cocoa puffs and are not so nice to each other. Now  they're in a very specific classroom for very specific reasons. but I keep telling them please -please -please be nice to each other.   No matter what your condition, disorder, syndrome or flavor of the month problem is, there's no excuse to not be be nice.   I was telling them that their behavior was kind of like the candidates during the campaign. Now I wasn't planning on getting political here, and I don't care who you voted for  (that's not true.... I do care) it doesn't give you the right   to treat somebody differently because of their believes or their opinions . So when these kids started calling each other "Hitler" (a direct result of the campaign) I told them  that was it was so inappropriate and also I'd give them a hundred dollars if they told me who Hitler was ....blank. stares.  . Then they told me, it's always nasty- the campaigns are always nasty (because they live through maybe two of them?)  My response was that it really wasn't and it's a really sad state that our classroom/country is in !! Being in school mode I looked up the definition for nice and it is a resort city on the French Riviera!!! Good enough for me!!! Then I looked a little more and saw NICE -adjective-pleasant ,kind, compassionate and my favorite...delightful! What a  a great word! I'm going to use that word more in 2017 .These children's hygiene can be a bit more delightful and I have $ 4.28 in my checking account but that wedding will be  delightful come July !!!(much more about that later) C'mon we all know it...it's the Golden Rule, baby- treat others the way you want to be treated. It  seems to me people like to be cut off in traffic, be name called,  be excluded and be ridiculed for how they choose to live their life and their pursuits of happinesses. I noted one time that  I was afraid that our country was not going to be the country I want my grandchildren to grow up in and  I got hit with all kinds of comments and backhanded insults about the candidates etc. Holy Fuck!!! It's about the people, the country..the whole world and we  do. have to be nice to each other. When you walk mile in my high heels you'll find out why I do things the way I do and swear as much as I do, but don't judge me or anyone  until you know their story . We all have backstories, just read Facebook  they're vomitted all over the place there ...every last gory detail!  May I reminded you Facebook is great for keeping in touch ...seeing food and family pictures and especially  finding out certain things .... like what dog breed you are  (poodle – must be the hair ) Disney princess you are  (Ariel – not a part of your world )– cartoon character (Betty Boop ...well,  duh) and that I am 100% going to go to heaven(Hey -be NICE out there)  It seems that our technology has made us less communicative which is very ironic if you think about. The  advances in technology   make I it very easy to stay in touch ( text or Facebook , Facebook message and Instagram , Twitter- which I don't really still don't get) it  gives everybody a chance to check in and see how someone else is doing (stalking) That's all it is it takes and that goes a long way. In 2017 let's try to keep in touch with each other a little bit more and just see that everybody's doing OK  -it's the right, no, nice thing to do. I am starting another  one woman campaign  to be nicer every day...the other day I noticed another a staff member had lost a couple pounds and I told her!!!  Now I have been trying to lose some wedding poundage (13 so far ) although I am taking a break from calorie counting because of you know... cookies but someone mentioned that I looked  like I had lost weight and looked good!!! IT MADE MY DAY  and I grabbed another cookie!!! So when I told a little girl in the lunch room that I loved her haircut I hope it made her day too!!! So come on guys let's be nice ...we can do it ...a little goes a long way!   Let someone ahead of you in line,  pay a compliment,  pay for a coffee for the person behind you in the drive thru line  and DONT  POST IT on Facebook...(oooooooh  that's the real hard part)  so speaking of Facebook  I took another Facebook Quiz ...very confidently and almost cocky only to find out that I'm 75% naughty and only 25% nice ..hey....I'm working on it...just sayin-
Merry Merry Everything  and for goodness sake be nice!!!
Disclaimer: my computer crashed while mid blog -I said some not nice words and had to "write"  this on my phone -so excuse the errors in spacing,  punctuation etc -just be...well you get it😊

The Year of Living Hungrily

After the awesome, fun filled summer I had, the fall hit me with some pretty stark realities. One: my baby girl is getting married (Yay!!) and I need to lose some of that baby weight (Booo). Two: I am working in a new position at school.  So glutton for punishment (and food) that I am.  I accept the challenges – because I can do anything for one year…right?   Well, we are one month in and all I am losing is my sanity!!!

Our school decided that we really don’t need the Career Center that I was in charge of- because college and career readiness is not a priority apparently?  This decision was quickly overturned , I guess we do need a Career Center. So instead of putting me back,  they decided to break my job up and spread it around to different people who are not willing or able to do it. This whole time I was assured that it wasn’t personal, just cuts from the top.  Even my stellar evaluations, positive data/feedback and meeting after meeting could not sway their decision- and now, looking back it seems I am a casualty of an administrative pissing contest.  Unbelievable- the guy who had the last word has called me by the wrong name for two years- yeah- I have a lot of faith in his decision making.  So I was placed in a classroom with a pretty cool teacher (thank goodness) and rotating 8th and 9th graders with their own issues and need, most of which I am not equipped nor trained to handle.  All this while trying to lose 20 pounds. Now remember, my “go to” to handle stress at this point would be a lot of chocolate cakes….nope- now it’s ex…ex…exercise.

First off these kids, I was told, are not violent (they are) and have no academic issues (they do).  My day which used to consists of setting up college visits and finding scholarships and careers for students has been replaced with playing referee to kids telling each other to "shut the fuck up" and they believe they are all really “ser-we-ous game-ahs”. They live, breathe, eat, sleep video games ( I think I may have just figured out some of the problems )  and I don't know what the fuck they are talking about half the time. So I help these kids get through their day which includes the 8th grade lunch period which I lovingly refer to as Vietnam.  First off- some genius in high places thought it would be a great idea to move the 8th graders to high school and slap them with expectations that are way beyond their maturity levels because they are 8TH GRADERS!!!!! These little numskulls are given a longer lunch period than they need and it is insanity.  They eat in 4 seconds and spend the rest of the 41 minutes awkwardly flirting (chasing and hitting) , screeching to the people sitting at the same table and bottle flip- what is up what that fad. Toss a bottle in the air and have it land right side up. It has since been banned by one of the principal- although it was super annoying- it kept them in their seats. Another fabulous decision.  They throw out enough food to feed a small nation.  Here I am dieting-  “are you really throwing all that food out- it’s a perfectly good school cafeteria spaghetti. (how's that for an oxymoron). I remember eating a ice cream scoop clump of white rice with brown gravy and a milk shake(633 calories) everyday of high school -Good Lord! I’m so freaking hungry! So don’t think about food- watch these little mini dramas that is our 8th grade lunch.  There is this table of little boys (12/13 year olds) and these two little skanks- I mean gals that sit with them.  These two could have been plucked out of my jr high years. Same look, same attitude and those boys don’t know what hit them- well it’s the one little ring leader-that did hit the kid- right in nuts- what a little skank!! You just wonder what kind of home these kids are from- I wonder what their parents would say. I wonder what their having for dinner...My thoughts switch to my delicious apple (medium sized 95 calories) and hope that Karma nabs the mother fuckers responsible for my new gig!!

Through this fresh hell- I am dieting- counting calories,  walking and planking my way into this gorgeous  black dress that I want to look fabulous in  9 months from now. I also will hopefully keep some of the healthy habits  I am faking my way through.  I think I have made it abundantly clear that I am not a Gym Girl-  I will lift  detergent bottles ( the economy sizers) and do my daily 2 minute plank (yeah baby 2 minutes) before setting foot in the gym. I do find in this new position I walk A LOT, at least a mile a day. I check up on my adorable little charges in their elective classes to make sure they aren’t killing each other or any of the faculty. A staff member was shoved – but it wasn’t on my watch.  So I walk – I sometimes take the long way or an extra flight of stairs, just to get my steps in and then return to home base to find what ever catastrophe awaits. Now the 9th graders aren't too bad- (oh boy, I hope I didn't just curse myself)  But those 8th graders...Every day it is someone’s turn to go batshit crazy, One day it’s the kid who proudly told us that he doesn’t really shower or bathe (no shit stinky) and I got news for you he isn’t brushing his teeth on a regular basis either.  Ga -ross! Then we have Lee Harvey Oswald Jr (not his real  name for those new to my blog) . This sociopath will do some thing so inappropriate and then do that stupid Dabbing thing…who the shit made that up?  Some idiot who makes way too much money does this dumb pose and now every eighth grader feels compelled to dab—they think they look so cool and they look ssoooooooooooo ridiculous. I hope  your happy Jason Derulo .  One of my new "lunch friends" told that's who's responsible as he was throwing a half eaten Nachos Grande (700 calories)

Now after school most days I go to pick up my grandson from first grade and give him and his sister dinner.  I have my 6th glass of water while I watch him pick at mac and cheese (350 calories) – I don’t have to worry about my little baby girl though. She has inherited my love for food  MMMMMM and my obsession with SHOOOOEEESSS.  Thank God for those two. They bring sunshine to my other wise shitty days . As does the process and excitement of planning this wonderful wedding which I am planking and counting and drinking water for.  I have so much love and light in my life that a stupid job can ruin it …I mean, they are just kids- right?   What was that? OH ...now you want me to train the people that you gave my job away to? Do you want me to rub the salt in my own wound or would you like to?  You would rather me try to show the ( so far three) people how to do a job that I was never really trained in. Mind you, these people DO NOT want the extra work and we are all apologizing to each other for this mess that we didn't make! Wouldn't it make more sense....
Seriously my days can’t get any stupider- but I think I am – just by the word stupider.  Deep breaths – it’s Thursday- Popcorn Day (air popped- 31 calories per cup) and tomorrow Pay Day Friday and all will be right with the world. Until Monday- make that Tuesday- This Monday is my new favorite holiday in the world COLUMBUS DAY-!!!! See ya in three whole days nit wits!! I think I will celebrate with a shot of Jack Daniels ( 65 calories) and a couple pizza logs (200 calories)s .  Did you think I was going to have a Salad with Oil and Vinegar and a whole wheat Pita (333 calories)? You do the math- I bet even my  8th graders could figure that out- just sayin’

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes.....

When I was trying to think of a title for the blog accounting our family vacation to the happiest place on earth ...I decided on a song lyric ..... a magical one to boot.  Let me explain and please know although being a lifelong Disney fan...I did not drink the Mouse-Ade...I admit to getting a bit teary eyed when I saw Cinderellas castle and I wore mouse ears and shirts with Mickey, horribly distorted by my Bobbitt Bobbitt Boobs! But I guarantee you...I get it....it's a real cool place, but something happens to people when they step office that monorail! More about that later!
The dream or wish referred to in the title is the one where I go to Disney with my little family!  Back about 25+ years ago when my oldest started school, my little bubble of normalcy burst...EVERYONE went to Disney!! They went on break...they went on non breaks, pulling their kids out of school...they went three/four times a year!! What the fuck???  How is everyone affording these trips???  I mean, we just had our third child and I was babysitting other kids from my home and my husband's job in the printing business was already starting to feel the effect of the digital future...so what gives???
Whatever...we took our kids to the ocean...rented cottages, saw broadway shows and yes, we even summered with friends/family in the Hamptons (it was only a couple days but it was in the summer!!). We were more than okay with that...after a while, we prided ourselves on the fact that we didn't become THOSE people. But alas, the thought of Dumbo's mom cuddling baby Dumbo with her trunk( hang on...I need a moment...that scene gets me everytime) I mean  she was chained up and still put her needs last...she was a good mom despite whatever those other jealous elephant moms thought.... was I as good a mom as Dumbo's mom ????   Um...ANYway...I'm trying to say we vacstioned the best way we could and as years went on....summer musicals took up the bulk of our summers and sports, the rest. This year was no different... after our very successful and awesome production of Footloose...(the show which I didn't want to really do but turned out to be my favorite and the one where we all felt..."hey we are pretty good at this") we took off...literally.  Now I am not a great flyer....I used to have to get all "Judy Garland-ed" up (that's an outdated reference but who would it be now ... Lindsay Lohan ? ....at least Judy was sort of classy about her addictions)  Not this time...this  I did it sober AND I got a few ideas Mr. Big Ol Jet Airliners. FIRST..Lower your damn  prices and maybe offer for some complimentary deodorant along with those funky blue potato chips (I get it...JetBLUE) Also...the rule should be if you don't have stuff in the overhead bins....you get to go first... This way all you overhead bin users can fight it out with out us and spare us the hunched over wait. (I noticed others hunched....I stand up with no problem in that little seat compartment!!). Unless of course you have a kid or two with you....then you go before everyone! I wasn't traveling with my babies,  but I have and people are rude and ridiculous when traveling  (see a blog about 6 years ago when Cooper and I went to NY by train....same shit...different transport)  Relax everyone, except  for the young girl who was afraid she was going to miss her flight because of a delay...I hear you talking, you're all going on vacation like me...so chill. I was super anxious and claustrophobic....plus I flew over the east coast with a full bladder....C'mon folk...."Look around look around ...how lucky we are to be alive right now" Yeah so, I listened to Hamilton the whole time.... Actually that lyric could've been my blog title.  At one point during the week..I did just that ....I looked around!  I saw my whole little family all grown up with lives and dreams of their own all together, celebrating the engagement of my baby girl (many blogs to come on that subject)Amazing.... I got to see Disney through the eyes of not just my children, but my grandchildren...how lucky I am to be alive right now!  We have had a few scary, sad, cancer and surgery filled years. ("No matter how your heart is grieving.... if you keep on believing...) I don't say I earned it, people go through TONS more than us... but I can say it was  that much sweeter because of it all.  My Goombadi told me "I was a very rich woman"....I do believe that's true.(save the $100+ spent on family mouse ears. C'mon...the bride and groom ones though) You know I have always felt rich..."lucky" (if you are Lin-Manuel Miranda) "blessed" ( if you area hashtagger on social media) or just plain fortunate!!!  Sure, I slip up now and then, mostly because of work shit..which is shit right now...but I don't need to find ZuZus pedals ala George Bailey (Merry Christmas Bedford Falls) to realize it.
So we made it to Disney....Final!y....and I got a few ideas about that too....how about some complimenatery phone charging stations...and that deodarant thing again!! . Oh my goodness the lines ....the waits.....the horror....it wasn't even that crowded I was told...being the middle of August.-but holy shit!!! How about tthe whole fast pass thing...my husband could not grasp the concept of it until I said it's like when you call ahead at Red Lobster.  Ahhhh !!! It was like Tinker Bell  hit his head with her magic wand!  Actually, we really never waited for more than 45 minutes which is a life time to a six and almost two year old and I have to admit that when we did get a fastpass...I was all "Suck it Losers". Also, what's with all  the scooters...I walked my 56 year old fat ass around the Magic Kingdom and Epcot where I also drank my weight in beers from around the world (plus a shot of limoncello from my homeland of Italy) I must say,too  if you are with child in a wheelchair...automatic fastpass...unless you are paying people with disabilities to get your healthy self through, which I heard is sometimes done...then you can take the fastpass straight to hell with Creuella DeVil, Captain Hook and all the other villians.   Finally....get your own Disney GPS system...because the regular one doesn't work in your parks Walt....I mean you have a "world" & a "land" you egomaniacal, rumored Nazi sympathizer....sorry, sorry. Hakuna Matata everyone....But we were lost and recalculated and u-turned enough to make us late for breakfasdt with Chef Fucking Mickey... Our poor GPS girl! (not what I was calling her during our driving debacle.. It was "c u next toodles"...for you Mickey Mouse clubhouse fans). We are driving though Georgia and she is still trying to get us to West Buena Vista Drive ! "I can still get you there guys...honest...just one more turn...guys???" But she got us to Charleston's to stay at my aunt and uncle's place for the relaxation part if our vacation!!  Now we are back and  we will be planning a wedding and you are all welcomed to come along on that journey!!! That brings us back full circle to my blog title...to see your children's dream come true is almost too much for this old girl's heart to handle. You see, I always felt my career was motherhood ...sorry Hillary... I support you to the end, but I was never that ambitious. But I wanted to raise the kind of people that let people ahead of them in Disney crazed lines. They do good and meaningful things on a daily basis! I couldn't be prouder of them. When all the chicks are back in their nests (which are all pretty close to then hen house)we will go on to our lives and hi ho hi ho...back to work we go (ugh..in my case, my job has been messed with yet again....retirement I hear you a callin') until the next adventure that is....We will all move on to have other dreams and wishes....but for me, a dream came true... it took few years but... Zipadee do dah Zipadee ay..everybody paid their own way....just sayin'

MJust Sayin: An Unfinished Life

MJust Sayin: An Unfinished Life: I have been thinking about life lately.  Maybe because eveyone's lives are shared so openly on Facebook and the like-mine included. I me...

An Unfinished Life

I have been thinking about life lately.  Maybe because eveyone's lives are shared so openly on Facebook and the like-mine included. I mean it was just my birthday month and all. I have been thinking how some people have horrible lives- because of circumstance or because of their own doing.  Some people seem to have charmed lives...never a blip or a bump- and SEEM is the key word there. If you look at social media it ranges from look at me on vacation... again to oh woe is me-there's a lot of "Eeyores" out there- whatever the case... everyone is eating delicious looking food !!!

It's been a year since I lost my mom.  Maybe that's what got me thinking- a year-like life, has a beginning - middle and end. Last year at this time (the beginning) I was wondering how I was going to maneuver through this year..."the year of firsts".  I was a little anxious to say the least.  Once the year progressed (the middle), it was okay- there were ups and downs-sadness that came out of no where and joy when I felt that she was all around us (butterflies sightings, certain songs and happy coincidence). Then when it neared the anniversary-panic set in.  I think because I didn't know what to expect (the end).  But it was all fine.  We made through the year of firsts -Everyone tell me it gets easier but I don't see it getting easier- but I think it becomes part of your everyday- your new normal. That is just my take on it and it's my blog so shut up.

All too recently -there have been too many wakes in my little world. The last few have been super sad- punched in the gut sad. The latest one was a young  guy- friend of my daughter's and ours-It was drugs, I hear.  So hard to process sad .  We went to the wake and there were the obligatory poster boards of pictures. Now when we were preparing for my mom's wake- we had boxes of her photos- from black and whites-to amber colored  1970's Polaroids to computer generated prints from people's phones.   Technologically- Beginning Middle End.

 I looked at this poor boy's posters and thought- beginning...only beginning.  This is an unfinished life.  

I have been to too many young wakes this year....very young - like kid young - to my age young- unfinished lives.  Some more unfinished than others.  Some lives are taken due to illness-mental/physical-some due to accidents- always unanswered and confusing- I don't know.  That's just it, I guess you don't know.  You can't sit around a worry about it, unless you are Sicilian- then it comes with the territory.   I told someone that being Sicilian is a part time job.  The worry- the food obsessions- the death obsession...the hard gestures- it's all very time consuming. 

In my many thoughts about  the end...I have a few things that I want to put out there- 

Cremated- I want to be cremated. I don't need a bunch of people judging me and how I look in that coffin- and I certainly don't want to go through eternity wearing a freaking  bra- fuck that- cremate me sprinkle my ashes in the ocean as close to Asbury Park as possible- or right on Bruce Springsteen's front lawn- oh hel,l sprinkle me right on Bruce Springsteen!

Open Bar- Is it wrong to have an open bar at a wake- I think it would ease the tension and relax everyone-Maybe even a signature cocktail- a Gaga Colada or something-  I bet more people would come too!  Which leads me to my next requests

Separate Cars-  I saw a funeral procession the other day and it was the hearse- and then like four cars- No Way!!! - I want the people waiting at a green light at an intersection to say "Wow -Who the hell died??? Must have been pretty popular!"

Music- We played Frank Sinatra at my mom's wake at her request- I guess I would go with the obvious Springsteen choice- (how funny to hear  Rosalita in the middle of a wake)- but I think I would needs some show!  tunes!  people!!!!  Specific show tunes;

For Good - from Wicked (of course)

Memory- from Cats (obviously)

So Long, Dearie from Hello Dolly

One Day More- from Les Miz

Good Bye Old Girl- from Damn Yankees

Don't Rain on My Parade (funeral procession) -from Funny Girl

Last Night of the World - from Miss Saigon

The Party's Over- from The Bells are Ringing

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life -from Spamalot

So Long, Farewell- from Sound of Music

Dance 10 Looks 3- from Chorus Line ( you musical nerds will know why)

And I am Telling You- I'm Not Going -from Dreamgirls

To name a few....

I'm not being disrespectful- those who know me and have been reading my thoughts theses past years know it's all about the sense of humor- how do you get by with out it?   I do know that death and dying and illness is no laughing matter- when my precious granddaughter was in surgery-nothing was was funny,  I would look at other people and think - what are you smiling about? - until she was out of surgery & out of the hospital ...and everything was worth smiling about.  Even more so because the outcome could have been so different and now she smiles more that anyone I know. These days, she is the source of most of my smiles and laughter- along with her brother- the loves of my life!

So my advice to you is, if you can- find the loves of your life- whether it person, place or thing. Hang on to it and enjoy life!  You just don't know when your ending will be.  So be kind to people- be kind to yourself.  

I like to think I will look back and say, I'm really glad I did  _______ !(fill in the blank with something that seemed really stupid at the time) For example:  When I payed way too much to see the aforementioned Bruce Springsteen twice in three days-Once should have been enough (yeah right- I'm on concert #17) .So I went to that second show- I didn't know that I would get the chance to see him close up after that show as he was leaving the arena.  By close up- I mean rushing his car like an teenager obsessed  to the sound of the police saying "you need to move back... Please ma'am stay on the side walk" ...Ma'am???- aren't I 18 years old...and.the answer to that came the next day -um  "NO"- my ass was tiiii-red, but I will never regret that night. There are so many other unregrettable things and hopefully many things to come! So as the old show tune says "forget regret- or life is yours to miss".  No Day But Today, baby.  So say yes to that invite- even if you are on the couch, all comfy. Even I am thinking of changing my Bra Off Policy- ( once I've "released the hounds' there's no going out) There are a precious few of you that I have revoked the policy for- but not many!!!  I think I will re- think things and put that baby back and go out if the opportunity arises.  Especially because the Ol' DD have been coming off earlier and earlier these day. Finish your life each day- make each day count- even if it is a little thing that made you happy or even better- someone else happy.  Make that goal -fill your life with good- Good People- Good Food - Good Times!!!  I have never been a Bucket List person unless that bucket is full of delicious KFC- but I do get it!  I am sort of opposite- I kind of do things and add it to my list- kind of a FUCK-IT List.  I can't afford this- I really shouldn't ....Fuck It- I did it...and I didn't get arrested  ...just sayin' 

MJust Sayin: Say You Want a Resolution

MJust Sayin: Say You Want a Resolution: Well here it is the February  already and so far so good with  resolutions. Mainly because I really didn’t make any. Well that’s not entire...

Say You Want a Resolution

Well here it is the February  already and so far so good with  resolutions. Mainly because I really didn’t make any. Well that’s not entirely true. In other years  about  one o’clock on New Year’s  Day I’ve said the statement “ Fuck it – I’m not going to the gym, I’m going to eat the rest of these Christmas cookies, polish off this Bailey’s and judge other people.” Boom!!!  All the resolutions -done!

This year I decided to give myself a little break.  If you have been following my adventures –the last three years have been a bit…trying.  So I have made the following resolutions:

I will NOT cut down on my swearing.  I have decided swearing is good for the soul.  It helps when you’re driving and some FuckAss © doesn’t know how to drive in one inch of snow- using some profanity eases the pain.  The whole idea of Fuck it- is such a freeing thought.  Examples?  Sure-

I didn’t take anything out for dinner- fuck it, let’s go out

These jeans don’t fit like they used to- fuck it I’m wearing yoga pants

I should really go to bed- fuck it, one more episode of House of Cards (or insert any binge-able show)

I will not burn the garlic bread.  I have yet to make garlic bread without sounding the smoke alarms.  We have hence renamed it “Oh Shit Garlic Bread”  (See above ) and the beeping begins and the lady (who is this lady?) says” evacuate -evacuate”—seriously…it’s garlic bread not plutonium.

I will DVR everything I watch- I don’t know what has happened to me lately – but I fall asleep  approximately  48 minutes into any program I watch.  If it’s a movie, I miss usually the most pivotal part of the movie and wake up saying…wait? What? Rewind...."wow I missed a lot"

If it’s a 60 minute drama – I miss the entire ending and then try to figure out how this completely different show fits into the one I was originally watching 

So now I DVR everything and yes that means FINAL JEPORADY

I will not panic about the fact that I fall asleep so suddenly

I will visit the ladies’ room before going anywhere -This is another new phenomenon in my life. I am now those ladies in commercials I used to laugh at.  Oh, the eye rolls I gave my mom when she would say “I better go or I’ll never make it”.  Make what? I used to think ...now I know – You’ll never make the Olympic Dry Pants team.  Holy shit – this is real and I have the embarrassing stories/laundry to prove it. And for the record – Holy shit is just a phrase- I am not ready for the “Oops I crapped my pants” ….yet

I will not panic about my lack of bladder control/ nor will I share “wet my pants” stories

If I want to do something-I’m doing it – Why are you seeing Springsteen again –haven’t you seen him 15 times?  Why are you going to two Springsteen concert in three days. – My anwer to that is why not...well actually "fuck it,why not?" Seriously, the days of the two concerts fall on the year anniversary of my granddaughter’s open heart surgery.  (I still get the chills at that phrase).  I spent four days in Rochester, last year watching what turned out to be the miracle of her recovery, knowing that back home – my mom was being admitted to the hospital.  What I didn’t know was she would never make it home from that hospital ….So, yeah- I can give my Bruce 2 days.

I will allow myself to cry- Something happened to me since my last blog.  I don’t know if it was the holidays or the hormones but I cannot STOP crying.  Hang on–it’s not a bad thing.  I mean, I’m not sad- but when I am-the flood gates open….also when I’m happy, hear a song, see an old friend, enjoy a good meal, try on pants that fit and anytime the babies do something adorable which is um…all the time- I tear up! I tear up and it feels good damn it!  I am not going to retract the blog – I still don’t do sadness – but when I do- a good cry is welcomed almost deserved – kind of like, it’s my menopause and I’ll cry if I want to.

I will preface all my judging with “not to judge but….” Okay, I am a Judgy McJudgster.   I even judged myself for using that stupid Blanky Mc Blankster phase. There is nothing like a good session of ragging on people with the gals- “She’s starting to look old” (well, ya…me too) “She put on some pounds” (ditto)- Of course it’s not nice – and I fully expect  /give permission to others to judge me.( hence the italic, bolded words in parenthesis). I don't do it to be mean...usually it's for a laugh...but-                                                                                                                             

I will openly judge those who 1) do not do their job- from the lady at Citibank mortgage company who said I skipped a mortgage payment when it is automatically taken out of my account BY THEM twice a month to the ever torturing Tim Horton’s employee who just can’t seem to get a handle on medium black dark roast to go. Do your fucking job- I do mine. Yes we all make mistakes – but if your job is pouring coffee, keeping tabs on my money, mailing out my Amazon order, fixing the copier, answering phone calls or again,  pouring coffee (yes it’s that important) DO YOUR FUCKING JOB! 

 I will also openly judge you if 2) you are deliberately mean to others.  Even when you don’t do you job- I will not be mean to you- I’ve been known to be somewhat sarcastic (pausing for your sarcastic remark) - but I won’t be mean – unless you are mean first – then it’s on Bitch! -  I am amazed at people who are outwardly nasty- we have all had that “day from fuck”© – but that doesn’t give anyone the right to be disrespectful and rude, now does it?   A tragedy occurred recently that I can’t even talk about yet because I’m still processing it. There is a big part of me that feels if you are good to your fellow human being-some of these awful things maybe won’t happen.  I guess it’s naïve- bad things are bound to happen to people – but it’s certainly worth a try.  Not to sound like a Facebook Meme- but what does it cost to smile or share a nice word.  A compliment (not a back handed one either) and a thank you goes a hell of a long way- it does with me anyway. So let’s play nice!  

Lastly I will openly judge you if you 3) tell me how bad this potato chip/cookie/ chicken wing/chocolate covered anything is for me. Shut up!!! And for the record…no one wants to know how far you ran either. I don’t tell you how many mini crescent roll hot dogs I’ve eaten-nor do I put it on a bumper sticker-I just proudly own it – mostly around my big ass.

I will throw out my old…. Oh just fill in the blank- Throw out my old make-up- when your eyeliner or lipstick hurts to apply –it’s time for a new one…Throw out …old nail polish- good Lord- it’s like 99 cents if you’re desperate for a new color, that glop of goo that doesn’t even spread with that loooong stringy residue-yeah toss it …it was an impulse sparkly teal color choice anyway.  Throw out….old bills and junk mail Did you know  that if you keep it on your table too long- it multiplies- for reals   well it must...that’s the only explanation I could think of! I don't need to keep bills  or the "this is not a bill" ones or any other piece of paper I can easily get online. Plus, if my maiden name is on it...it's gone!. Throw out ….leftovers – now that it’s February –that cranberry sauce in the cool whip container can GO!!!   No one is going to eat one half eaten pork chop and some sad looking corn that was semi covered with Saran Wrap….at least I think that’s what is was.   Throw out old hard feelings and hurt- don’t hang on to the negative –This is a tough one- I forgive but I don’t always forget. Unless you can laugh at it or maybe dare I say learn from it, just pull an Elsa and let it go- or better yet, judge it and move on.

So there you have it a whole bunch of resolutions that I think I can actually keep! So Dear 2016,  I will be swearing, eating not burnt garlic bread with fresh make up on judging away- hopefully wide awake with dry pants- Sincerely yours- Bloggy McBlogster -ps. no judgments....just sayin’