Little Victories

I'm never going to win the war...what war you ask....to answer I will borrow a phrase from a  early,  pre -Godfather Marlon Brando movie..."whaddya got?"  I bet most of you know what I am talking about. The War - The daily war with banks that screw up your account, insurance companies that screw up you policies, Tim Horton's employees that screw up your coffee order...seriously it's just black coffee...no milk, no sugar...BLACK-it can't be that difficult,   I  know I am trying to stay positive in the coming months and  I will.... just bear with me. There is always going to be that war so I am here to tell you to celebrate the Little Victories.  Ah yes, the little victories- even if they are only important to you- enjoy them.... I do. Some days are tougher than others to find them, you have to really dig... but they are there. ( I didn't hit one red light ...take that Town Highway Department!)

Now I have to admit that many, many of my little victories are what one might call "imaginary". That being said let me take you back to the early  90's.  I just plopped down a big bunch of money to get floor seats for Elton John.  I have always been a fan ...since Tumbleweed Connection...before all the crazy get ups and glam glasses. So I was very excited and wasn't disappointed by the awesome performance.  Now about 3 or 4 months later they announce that Elton John is touring with Billy Joel ( another fav...although I have seen him a few times).  I was furious!  Why didn't they announce this sooner.  I would have loved to see them both together.  So do I now plop down another big bunch of money?  The guy just played here and now he's coming back with a better show for more money.  NO ...I said.  I am not going and I didn't and I don't regret it.  This is coming from someone who has seen Bruce Springsteen 14 times....but that's  not the point.  I thought it was shitty so I didn't go.....I felt like I won a small imaginary, even demented battle-----little victory?----why not

I was and still am a big letter (email now) writer. Surprise Surprise.... I wrote letters to Dog Food Companies when I found little bugs in a bag of food---FREE DOG FOOD...victory!   When my oldest daughter was a baby, she got her finger caught in a little Winnie the Pooh toy...APOLOGY FROM SEARS + GIFT CERTIFICATE- --victory! One year our school was closed because of a huge  ice storm in October.  Some of us didn't get paid for about a week or so (not to mention property damages and generator costs)  and our school district refused to compensate us---I wrote a letter to NYSUT, the union we are affiliated with, and received a BIG CHECK right around Christmas time----fa la la la laaaa  victory!
 Now it doesn't always work  and here's a big FUCK YOU  to HOTWIRE.COM

I had a couple of little victories this summer....although this one may fall under the "imaginary" category.  The beginning of last year when we started our last first day of school, our superintendent came in to say how smooth things were going to run and our placements will be handled by seniority which seemed cool ( especially since I have 20 years of it).  Something told me to be proactive...so I  (wait for it) wrote a letter.  I wrote the superintendent a letter on behalf of my fellow employees.   I wanted to make a plea to consider people's talents and strengths, along with the seniority, when deciding where to place them.  I knew it was a complicated process and in a school district with huge money problems, our jobs were not priority one....we HAVE jobs...a lot of people didn't.  He answered me, he thanked me for suggestion and said he would do his best.  Two words came to mind...Bull and Shit....but I don't regret writing it...I don't regret!   A few weeks ago, we got our placements.  Hello, I am the new Career Center Coordinator at the High School.  After 20 years in elementary school...I finally made it to high school! I was told by my new principal it's not that different...they are just a little bigger ..but he noticed that they were bigger than me by 3rd grade anyway. ( I think I'm gonna like this guy.)  But my new job, I like to think, will allow me to finally use some of my public relation skills (30 years since college but still) and my technology abilities and was told to use my creativity to make the job my own.  Not too shabby...and I'm not saying that the letter I wrote last year led me to this position.  Coincidence....probably....   luck of the draw ...maybe...Victory .... hells yes!
In my mind...it's a victory ....the same mind that says look about 20 pounds thinner and 20 years younger...the mind that says everyone thinks I am as funny as I do.....the mind that says no one notices the food stains on ALL my shirts nor do they see the newest little hair on my upper lip.

Another victory this summer was getting my whole family together for a mini vacation.
It was  Me vs. Six Busy Schedules  but    I   WAS   VICTORIOUS!   
It wasn't for a long time at all, but there we were, all seven of us together ...that's all I wanted.  We came up at all different times, some of us stayed longer, some left early to go to work. some of us got to go to the pool (by the way having that imaginary extra 20 lbs. makes you freaking fly down that water slide....take that skinny bitches), but we all had a great dinner and got to lay around the hotel room laughing and enjoying each others company.  I say that was quite a victory indeed.  After a crazy summer of rehearsals (our show made money this year...another not so little victory) and our upcoming "fresh Hell" with doctors and hospitals, we must grab these victories and hang on to them tightly with both hands.

We met my mom and dad at the office of her new doctor ( a man, I'm told, that does not mince words or give false hopes)   I accompanied my mom in to the examining room where the doctor said "this doesn't look too bad".  Our first little victory.  He explained what the next steps were. Surgery, but she is going to a great hospital where she will get great care (same one my husband was)another little victory.  I AM feeling positive and not as scared as I may have been in the past when I was afraid to say that word out loud. Now I say it with ease and a I find that I can yell it at the top of my lungs if I want to ....take that cancer
Because this conversation happens (more than once)

Mom:  I hope they don't find a tumor ....
Me:     Mom ..it's CANCER remember CANCER
Mom:  Oh yeah

I'm not sure she totally understands what this all entails and maybe that's a little victory too.   When I left the doctor's office with my sister and daughter, we agreed we are absolutely going to get through this- it was as positive a visit as it could be.  I think my mom and dad got that and I said it out loud.  "I think they get it" . Ironically at that moment, my daughter pointed out that my parents were passing us going the wrong way down Main Street..... doh! ....well at least they were in the right car ....little, little victories, just sayin'

It's Always Something

Remember Roseanne Roseannadanna?  She was on SNL Weekend Update in the 70's.  She would rant and rant about nonsense and say "you know, it's always something"...sounds familiar to me.  My blog (self proclaimed nonsense) has, believe it or not, a following. Now mind you, not a celebrity type following or a Charles Manson following, but a following none the less.  I was asked recently why I haven't blogged lately.  My answer to that was that I have been a little off  my game of late. I have had a crazy year, personally and professionally and the latter is stemming from the *closing of my school/losing a job that I have done for 20 years/saying good bye to people that I realistically  may never see again and not to mention the uncertainty of starting a new job (which took literally months to hear where my placement is ....more about that in the future) I told that person I don't like to write negative blogs...sarcastic , cutting and inappropriate, yes but not negative.   So that being said, this happened.

My mom got sick.  My mom is sick.  I have to say that out loud so it will sink in,
 I have mentioned my mom in past blogs ...mostly concerning our recent role reversal and not in a fun Freaky Friday way. Well looks like she is going to need me more as this new life chapter unfolds. That's okay, we got this....no need for negativity. But for those scoring at home, allow me to reiterate the events of the last 12 months.  They announced our school's closing, my dad had surgery, my husband was rushed to the hospital which was the catalyst for the whole cancer thing, my mom had surgery, my husband's  whole cancer thing and surgery, my dad's other surgery, the actual closing of our school and all that goes with that (*see above)  of course  here and there were your garden variety family dramas and friend issues and sprinkle the whole thing with MENOPAUSE.
and now this.....this last little bit of news may not have put me over the edge but I am desperately hanging on to those little tree roots as little stones and dirt crumble through my fingers.

When she called on Sunday to say she wasn't feeling well and told me her symptoms ...I didn't panic but I had that feeling,  I heard that little voice. You know that little voice.  That little voice that tells me when something is up,  That little voice that has kept me out of trouble because it is right 95% of the time.   I hate that little voice sometimes.  But by mid week she was in the hospital... I found out she was in the hospital a half hour before the opening night curtain of my summer musical.... (another reason for not blogging so much....the musical sucked the life out of me and in the words of  Lily Von Schtoop in Blazing Saddles..."goddammit I'm exhausted"). Now don't think that this directing gig of mine took up sooooo much time that I didn't check on her.....I had.
 It's my family, my family and their Communication Italiano.  It goes like this:

Calling at any time of the day or night for such pressing reason as... "I found a old high school picture of you, do you want it" or "the soup you made was delicious".  But when my grandmother died.....DIED.... they didn't call me because they didn't want to "bug me at happy hour."   That makes me sound like either a raging alcoholic or the biggest douche bag in the world....NO ONE DARE  BOTHER ME WHILE I'M A DRINKIN'....seriously???? 
Well by closing night, we kind of knew it wasn't good and the remaining weeks of my summer will be spent at oncologists and other specialist.   Still not negative,  I've been through this before(8 months ago) and God willing the outcome will be just as positive.  That's the word of the hour- POSITIVE!

So I thought I would blog about it.  I am doing  this for a couple reasons....I think it will be kind of therapeutic for me and I think it may benefit anyone else who may be going through some tough times themselves.  I don't want to diminish the severity or importance of  my or any one else's situation....but I am, I've been told, a funny girl. So if we can get through this together and have a smile or two along the way .....why the hell not?   Also I thought this would be a good way to keep my loyal reader (s) informed and updated on things.  Sometimes the face to face thing...not so good at it....the flooded eyes and quivery voice...so awkward and it makes me really uncomfortable ....so you can imagine how I feel when it's me - ba-da dum!.....(see what I did there, switched it up) .
I also refuse to put this shit on Facebook.   Again, not my style,   I like my Facebook interaction to be
a) clever and witty - posting a clip from Mommie Dearest on Mother's Day
b) gaga related- mainly adorable pictures of my adorable grandson
c) celebratory- birthdays, anniversaries and the like
d) musical- sharing an old song that always gets me (Fountain of Sorrow- Jackson Browne)
e) thought provoking- my post this morning about that moment when you wake up and all your problems and shit haven't you yet ....that split second of utter peace.  It meant something different for me but judging by the response, it hit home with some people.
So posting personal stuff on Facebook .not gonna happen.  It may be fine for some people, but I can't,
I just can't.  The thought of pouring my soul and divulging these personal traumas only to  get the obligatory comments and that horrible thumbs up..the LIKES....I will never understand that:
horrible news - "some asshole you kind of know likes this"....and besides ....who likes cancer?

So my friends, if you are choosing to come along on this new journey with me, I promise to be as snarky, sarcastic and inappropriate as humanly possible with the given situation.  I will try to be inspirational and informative and most of all positive.  I will really try to stay positive because when life gives you lemons...(refer to the lemons listed above) ....when life gives you lemons....fuck it ...I better open a stand, but I'm selling Lemincello....just sayin'

Take another little piece of my heart

I borrowed this title from Janis Joplin but I don't think we have the same take on it. It's a great song to belt in your car but I'm just really in need of the song's title
Recently, they closed my school. As I may have mentioned in past blogs, they closed the school I worked at for almost 20 years. It's the school  my kids went to and I even went there for a few grades when we first moved to this area.  Now from this blog title, one can assume I mean to convey a couple things, like how they have taken little pieces of  the heart out of education.  That would be true. They have replaced the pieces with data and dollars that are going to the wrong places.  When I refer to they, you know I mean the Department of Education who once sent us a letter with the wrong spelling of principal and have misspelled words on tests etc.  One can also assume that there are little pieces of broken hearts of  the kids, parents, teachers and staff as we see the end of an era of the little neighborhood school. This is also true. That is not exactly where I want to go with this ....not this time.
I think we can look at this another way. Maybe it's not so bad to lose a little piece of your heart here and there.  What? Why would you think that?   Is she on as many drugs as Ms. Joplin?  Hear me out
. 
Earlier this month, I ran away from home, played hooky from school and went to NYC.  I went with a friend who also needed to be a runaway.  We hadn't been on one of these little trips in over 30 years.  Back then the reason was, we were done with exams, that was a brutal semester. our families were driving us crazy.  Well that last part may still be true for me.  In my case ( I can't speak for my travel companion) I was temporarily escaping my aging parents and their compulsion to go to the grocery store EVERYDAY.  Now I took their car away since my dad's surgery so I kind of was at their mercy.  But one desperate trip was for two bananas and  emergency Dixie cups and the next day was one can of peaches and dryer sheets.....what is going on in that house???  Do you kind of see my need to flee? 

Off we went on our family free and I might add guilt free getaway. I guess you get less guilty as you get older. We had no plans,no idea where we were going and no time restraints.  We only needed to check into our hotel at some point. Speaking of our hotel, we stayed in a place called the Pod on 39th Street, and yes, we referred to ourselves as "pod people".  If you get the chance, check out this cool little place. It was new and hip....way hipper than us. The rooms are small...think  the Asian businessmen in the drawers on Seinfeld small.  We had bunk beds small.  It was awesome.  I didn't go to away for college but I assume it was dorm room small, which seemed  perfect since we hadn't been on an adventure since our college days.  Although climbing to the top bunk at my age and in a semi Janis Joplin state was quite a sight, I'm sure. Take another little piece of my dignity baby.... But it was a fabulous place, from the awesome roof top bar to the cute little subway tiled bathroom...the "pee pod" if you will.

Anyway we got to the city and met up with friends that we hadn't seen in an embarrassing number of years.  It is an amazing phenomenon, I know you have all experienced it.  That you can up where you left off with certain people, in our case, after decades.  Of course we talked of our aches and pains and yes, we grabbed a light jacket ...just in case, but we were those same people that were singing Springsteen at the top of our lungs in cars and matching each other shot for shot.  It was fascinating to see that although we have been away from each other, we can relate and have the same take on pop culture that we have clearly experienced separately. For example laughing at Seinfeld references ...that is kind of universal.  Whaddya know, it seems to me I found a couple pieces of my heart that I thought I lost when these dear people moved out of my life.

So when we feel like we are losing someone or something, a friend. a relationship, a school... maybe, just maybe, they are taking a piece of your heart with them and keeping it with them.  I feel like there definitely are now pieces of my heart in NYC and the general tri-state area.   I think that's a good thing, no,  a great thing. That's what I learned on my  (pre-) summer vacation..  If I can pick up where I left of with old friends, maybe I don't have to feel like I've lost them.  After three decades, a couple of gals can still shop, have a drink or two. get stopped on the street to be complimented (thank you handsome Little Italy waiter) giggle about stupid things before going to sleep ( which was considerably earlier than the last go around)and share secrets that you know you can only share with someone who has a piece of your heart.

What I thought  was going to be a fun getaway turned out to be quiet an enlightening experience.  I returned to my life of  mistaken car insurance cancellation, another urgent run to get some odd fruit request and the uncertainty of my next school year with a new out look.  It was just what I needed. I can certainly say that I will leave a piece of my heart in every part of that little school and especially with the people that I realistically may not ever see again.  But my trip to the big city showed me that is okay.  You leave a piece but it doesn't leave a gap. It gets filled with new people and relationships and your heart does go on and on....near....far ....where ever you are.... you know  I waited as long as I could to use that lyric.

As I start my summer, my heart is filled with my ever crazy, loving family who I adore and enjoy more and more with every stage of their busy, blossoming lives. Not to mention a bunch of eager drama-manaics who anxiously await the excitement of our annual summer musical (much more on that to come)...,and of course I can give hunks of my heart away because it is more than filled with my wonderfully hysterical and truly beautiful grandson.  We took walk today and as we stopped every so often to Ninja Turtle fight some "bad guys" and referrred to me as "his buddy", I realized  my heart couldn't be fuller. Well..... I guess it kind of can....maybe with another grand child perhaps..no pressure or anything but.if you're reading this.....foots a tappin' here....just sayin'

What the f*** is wrong with people?

I don't want to get all bogged down with negativity, but seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people?  Events of this past week nationally, locally and personally have me asking this question that I have been asking most of my life.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  I can remember saying years and years ago that if this is what humans are really like, I must be from another planet.  I'm sure some of you have been saying that about me too.
A couple of  ( fill in with your own expletive) dirt bags set off some bombs at the Boston Marathon.  It is really incomprehensible that someone thinks their beliefs, ideas, needs are more important than anyone else's,that you can destroy what is usually called the "happiest day of the year" in Boston.  Oh yeah and one of the bombs was set down right by a little kid...whatever....little kids seem to be targets for some people lately.  It wasn't that long ago that we saw that happen, right?  Which brings me to another reason to ask what the fuck is wrong with people?  
Our government is putting on Anybody Get Your Gun.  yep anyone who wants one can get a fire arm....no matter what their history.  I heard 90% of the nation thinks there should be some kind of background check, but for some reason, the bill wasn't passed.  Someone's ideas, beliefs and in this case, need or should I say greed is more important.   I don't want to get in to the big gun argument.  I have my beliefs and there are conflicting ones out there too.  But holy shit, stop talking about the 2nd amendment unless you are referring to muskets and not assault weapons.  Maybe there wasn't a need for background checks back then but I'm sure people were smart enough not to give a gun to the village idiot. 

Help me down off my soap box for a second to say isn't it too bad the term village idiot used anymore.  ...okay back up there.

This week I was witness to the dreaded state testing in the elementary school level.  I think last year at this time I devoted a whole blog to "testing."  Nothing has changed too much since then, actually, things have gotten worse.  The expectations are ridiculous for children as young as 8 or 9.  I, as a educated adult and a self proclaimed smarty pants had a little trouble with the questions asked on the 3rd grade ELA test....yep, 3rd grade.  I read the passage and looked at the questions and said WHAAA????   These kids must feel the way I do when I'm filling out insurance forms.   That was 3rd grade.  The 5th grade one must be like when you get that little book with your new cell phone.   Three days of this and next week will be 3 days of math because every 5th grader needs to know how much fruit  to buy in pounds, ounces, grams, drams(?) kilograms,  just buy the damn grapes!  Do these tests prove anything?  Yeah, a little ...it would be nice if we can get the results and go over the problems with the kids.   No, the results go to the state so they can see who gets more funding....and the schools with the best scores get more funding.  WHAAAA??   Put this math problem on the test.  If school A scored below average and school B scored above average and  if money is needed to help support the struggling kids in the lower scoring schools then.
A) School A should  get funding to help afford more resources
B) School B should get funding so more people will buy houses in School B's district
C) Let's create more tests so the corporation that makes these tests can get funding
D) Ask the village idiot
Let me answer that question with a question...What the fuck is wrong with people?  Some one is getting rich out there and the wealth is NOT being shared.

On the subject of money...let me ask what the fuck is wrong with people for personal reasons. 
As mentioned before, I work as a server in a restaurant (which should be mandatory for anyone who wishes to frequent restaurants)  I like this job, I have done it on and off since high school, paid for my college education and even bought my wedding dress with rolled up change (No, I didn't bring rolls of quarters to the bridal shop...only the village idiot would do that). So I waited on what I thought was a nice older couple.  They ate, drank and were merry, well  Mary ...Jo was their server.    They presented me with a gift certificate which made their dinner FREE, they had a FREE dinner and great service and did I mention a FREE dinner.  Tip:...2, count 'em 2 fucking dollars.  Really what the fuck is wrong with people?  Now if you are saying well maybe that's all they had (it's not) and maybe they were old (I'm old now too) They know better,  they've been in before, they are cheap, true ...but really that is insulting to someone who brought your food and may bring your food again. Karma baby

 Whatever ...it's been a crazy week with crazy people.  When I seriously ask the "question" in question I can only come up with the fact that most people are self absorbed and self-ish.   Think about when you talk to people,  some people, you can tell they are not really listening, they are just waiting to tell you their shit...."I did this" or "this happened to me"...now I know you can say well, that's conversation and  it's only human nature to be me oriented. But more and more I'm finding that people are more concerned with "what's in it for me" rather than "how can I help".  Too many selfish acts and not so many self less ones. 
I think it's time to step up humans....do something without reward, other than the reward of doing something.  There is good out there....like the people that ran toward  and not away from that horrible scene in Boston.   So let's not worry so much about money and do what's right.  Let's tip our servers ( I had to throw that in there).  Help each other out with out being asked.  Think about your audience before you start complaining about your woes....you know the "complaining about your shoes to a man with no legs" kind of thing...  Just take a second to think and not about just yourself...we can do it.  To quote an old song "we can change the world, rearrange the world..it's dying to get better".  Be kind humans,  remember it's not all about you....how can it be....when it's all about me, just kidding, just sayin

My Pet Peeve

I'm throwing you all a curve ball with the name of this blog.  The decision to use that particular title with a deliberate omission of  punctuation, will be addressed.  Read on, my friends, read on.   The true theme of this installment is quite positive.  It should be called "The Luckiest People in the World."    Even that title is a curve ball.  (throwing these curve balls is the most exercise I've gotten in months).  
Anyone who read my last blog knows what my little family has been through the last several months. I do have to say the outcome has truly catapulted us into that category of the Luckiest People in the World.  
As I sat in an oncologist waiting room with my cancer-free healthy husband, that phrase kept ringing in my ears.  We are sooooo lucky, fortunate, blessed. however you want to say it ....we dodged a big fucking bullet.  The oncologist waiting room is not a place where you want 'everyone to know your name"....you don't want to be a regular there. You don't want the workers there to look at you with that look  and say "how you DOING  today?"   I know it's hard to convey it in print , but take my word for it, it was a different "HOW you doing today? " than we got. Lucky!
The sweet scarf headed woman playing the same game on her phone as I was, I'm sure was not thinking "why can't I get past this fucking level??!!" Damn Candy Crush game.  Other than being stuck on level 65....Lucky!

But that being said...that isn't where I'm going with this. As unbelievably grateful as I am for our blessings....I am lucky for another reason.  I am lucky because I GET IT. Now get your filthy minds out of the gutter and bare with me (hahaha bare),  There is a group of people out there, and you know who you are,  that get it!  I also believe the people that GET IT, seek out other people that GET IT.
For those of you reading this and are saying ...oh I get it, enjoy the ride.  You know what I mean.  Those who think they maybe get it but are not sure...read on.  Those who are already offended by anything I have said...stop...go back and watch anything with Tim Allen in it or that Big Bang show(now I just don't get that show but everyone else does) Anyway....
TO GET IT:
You must be able to weed through all the bullshit of everyday life and stop taking the wrong things so seriously.   I don't think you have to go through life altering events to realize this either. Although that does give you the kick in the ass you may need.  The people that don't get (  it in my opinion) use these event as crutches and not as learning experiences.  Just check Face Book.  Speaking of FB, how funny is it when someone is ranting about something or bragging about how great they are or kissing some one's ass and 75% of their shit is misspelled .".thanks for being their for me....your the best"....snicker snicker...if you find humor in that...you get it!!! 
Now I know what you're thinking....what makes you so fucking perfect and I know you're thinking it.   Well I'm not....I make tons of mistakes....(not so many grammatical ones thanks to my junior high school English teacher) but I giggle at some taking themselves so seriously and not taking the time to re-read what they wrote.   I work at a school and I will spell check my name before I send it out on something that you can't unsend.   But don't just rely on spell check folks because..... many years ago we received mail from the Department of Education in Albany and the envelope was stamped "ATTENTION PRINCIPLE"   They used the wrong one!!!!  GET IT??? cuz not too many people did until I pointed it out..."your principal is your PAL"  Thank you Mr. Noworyta!! All those who got it join me in a resounding "doy-ee".

Now another way to get it is to be able to quote an awesome movie at the most appropriate time or ideally, an inappropriate time.  Here's a test: while in a group of people quote something from The Producers or any Mel Brooks movie and see who laughs or if it's a massively inappropriate situation, see gives you the eye or the look.  The look is half mortified and half admiration....They GET IT!!!
Being able to communicate with your eyes is like the secret hand shake of those who GET IT.  
I remember being at a class reunion...the mecca for people taking themselves too seriously.  I was sitting with an old classmate who had become a what they used to call a Born Again Christian.  In the distance I saw another old friend with inappropriate-ness written all over his face.  I'm not sure what or how it happened, I may have even blacked out, but afterwards I recall  hearing"thank God for those eyes MJ" Crisis averted!

There was a bunch of us who GOT IT in high school (yeah baby...getting it in high school). I had a good friend who I knew back then was lucky enough to get back in touch with after some 30 years and unfortunately lost about a year and a half ago.  He was one of those lucky people got it and didn't who knew it.  He is the one who said when he gets a pet he will name it Peeve so he can say "this is my pet, Peeve"....GET IT?  He also wanted a dog named FIDO but would spell it PHYDOUX.   Goofy kid stuff I know, but when we met up after 3 decades and he told me he was embarrassed but still laughed about that woman in Florida with the chimpanzee who she raised like her son and acted like a real human but unfortunately tore the neighbor's face off,  I knew he still got it.   Now no one thinks that the act of having you face torn off is funny at all...honestly I think its horrific...but a monkey driving the family car and having lobster for dinner with the occasional mood altering pharmaceutical chaser is a little funny.
Just  a little...no?  If you think no and think somethings should not be made fun of...I'm sorry.  I truly apologize and agree to disagree as they say....but those of you who felt their lip creep up in an almost smile, congratulations...you  are one of the luckiest people in the world....you get it!

People have told me I'm going to hell....not in anger like, GO TO HELL...but with some concern for my warped soul and my inability to keep my wretched thoughts to myself.  So I decided to go to the top with this and went to the closest thing to the top that I could think of.  I went to church.  Truly worried about my little soul, I asked a priest if he thought I was a sinner or at the very least a terrible person for making inappropriate comments about  hardships to make others laugh...I mean " Father, it really is about the humor."  He couldn't help but smile and he said he thinks God understands,  He made me this way.....GOD GETS IT...whaddya know!
So all my peeps that get it and we know who we are....WE GOING TO HEAVEN BITCHES!!!
Heaven will be all about my favorite thing....sitting around with a bunch of us lucky people, taking a situation and beating the shit out of it with exaggerations and nonsense ...crossing the line...moving it and crossing it again. I will be with all my favorite people...especially my children because they too get it ...it must be inherent. Oh yeah and there will be an open bar!!!

In September I will be starting over again in a new school after 19 years. I was the one who was already there for the new lucky people to "click" with. It usually takes about 12 seconds and then you are...BFF's.  There is some comfort in knowing that there is a group of lucky people... who get it located in my new school where ever that may be.  They are there waiting there for me to say something inappropriate, I just know it.  I look forward to the eye rolls from those who never saw Blazing Saddles and to the nod of approval who think the phrase "wed woses... how womantic " is fwiggen hysterical.  I'll know I'm among some of the luckiest people in the world....Those who enjoy finding the obscurity in life ...considering SCTV a religion of sorts...being able to dish it out AND take it. Being able to laugh at yourself and laugh at others but being savvy enough not to hurt any one's feelings which you usually don't because THEY don't GET IT anyway.."Oh I  get it...I get it...a very obscure quote from an even obscurer Mel Brooks movie and if you got that  ding ding ding you are one of THE luckiest people in the world.....just sayin.