Even though I haven't earned any money from this blog....yet...I still consider myself a writer. I have always loved to write...stories, poems, skits, parodies, shopping lists, greeting cards. I guess people attach the element of making money as to what you can call yourself. True, I haven't profited monetarily from these random thoughts of mine, but I feel I am considered at least, a blogger. Come to think of it, I raised three children who became three successful adults, I am considered a mother even though I never earned a fucking cent. I went to college to learn to write-motherhood you learn as you go and you never ever graduate apparently.
Maybe I am not a professional writer, but believe me I have seen a lot of professional "you name its" lately that were anything but professional. So I will gladly dub myself a writer, professional or otherwise. My degree is in journalism and when I snuck a peek at my old school records, my third grade teacher commented that I was a "very good little writer"( I don't know how my size figured in to that.)
I loved writing all though school. In junior high, I had a great but scary English teacher who literally taught me everything I know about grammar and writing. He was a love him or hate him kind of teacher that I loved and am still in contact with. Gotta love Facebook. Whenever I do converse with him, I actually sweat over every word and punctuation mark I use before I hit the send button. He did correct my misuse of a semi colon all the way from Arizona. In my high school drama class- taught by another favorite teacher of mine, we worked on the existential French play No Exit by Satre. It was about three souls in Hell..."Hell is other people" and all that jazz. It was a project for a grade and could only be so long so I rewrote it. Yep re-wrote Satre! Sorry Jean -Paul or should I say Je suis desole- I am just a 17 year old high school senior-but I got this! The arrogance of youth.
Maybe that is, maybe part of it is being a little arrogant- I have something to say, I can say it best and now you will read it.
Maybe it comes from being a middle child -raised in a children are to be seen and not heard era. Or could it be maybe it is just therapeutic- ding ding ding!
I had this realization just this past weekend. My new puppy took off on me while we were on a walk on a long over due sunny day. Everyone was out and about, so off we went. Out of no where something spooked him and he squeezed out of his newly tightened collar (I recently made it tighter since he did the same thing on the way to the vet to be neutered.....hmmmm?) Anyway, in my devastation, I wrote a post on all the social media lost pet sites, again, gotta love Facebook. I wrote, re-wrote, edited and re-edited this stupid "lost dog" blurb and realized, God I'm a writer- which is( if you notice) the title of this blog...well, .kind of!
I, along with the other grammar fanatics in the world are witnessing the end of the English language and the lost art of the written word....it is like Grammargeddon if you will! The way people write these days is absolutely cringe-worthy. My God, spell check people!!! I spell check my name for goodness sakes. Yes, I know a couple of time, things have slipped by me- I believe I wrote the word scholarshop in an email and yes, I stress over it still. I am sure mistakes have been found in my blog and I have been called out on the over use of my beloved periods of ellipsis, (and to them I say ......F dot dot dot.U) We are human and we goof up here and there, but step up people!
It is all over too! My daughter noticed on the Mighty Taco sign, there was the incorrect use of the word you're. We were so disappointed in them - they are usually so clever and right on with their advertising . Don't be all cutesy about fish tacos and then say YOUR hooked. A hundred or two more mistakes like that and we may take our business elsewhere. It is very distressing to see people write your the best or your an asshole- Note...if you are going to insult someone, it loses it punch if it is grammatically incorrect. Could this laziness come from, dare I say, technology? I'm not talking about the sometimes annoying and often hilarious auto correct. ( An invitation to a POOP party is way different than an invitation to a POOL party.) People are using numbers instead of words- convenient ? SURE, acceptable? in a text- MAYBE - in a formal piece of writing?-HELLS NO!!! Gotta Hate Facebook Their, I mean They're I mean There. I said it!!!!
When I worked in the elementary school, we stressed the proper usage of there their they're/ your you're/to too two/who's whose and so on. But these little guys weren't spoiled yet by the social media lingo- or at least I hope they weren't at that age. Now in high school, I look at scholarship applications and essays and I am amazed at what passes for acceptable. Acceptable in the student's eyes- certainly not mine. Lower case i ???- Seriously? How do you even think that's okay? You can't even type it with out the computer correcting it for you most of the time. Misspellings, little or no punctuation which usually means one loooong ruuuun oooon sentence. It makes me crazy- I recently apologized to my hands for having to re type a student's paper-AS IS .
Now not everybody is a writer- I get that. My own kids struggled with that part of school. It was not their forte- but whenever they wrote, it was grammatically correct- I guarantee you that! It is hard to read some one's work and know you can help make it better, but really ethically you can't.
Speaking of ethics- in middle school, my youngest was having a hell of a time with an teacher who kept handing back her writing COVERED in red marks- mostly criticizing her word choice and how it would sound better worded like this etc. Now we all know a 13 year old "voice" is not the same as an adults' It rarely is phrased in the way an adult would put things, but if the content is there and the grammar is correct, then let's call it a B or a C and move on. Paper after paper would come back just cruelly torn apart "say it this way" " use this phrase instead"- the poor kid totally shut down. She called herself a horrible writer ( which she really wasn't- the best of my three) The sad part is that she used to like to write. I know some teachers are tougher on those with some talent, but instead of being encouraging, the constant criticism did just the opposite. So step in Buff State's favorite journalism major of 1982- I will write her next assignment and show that red pen wielding hack a thing or two. So we sat down together in order to make sure it was her ideas and her words and I will put a writer's spin on it- C'mon I have had a blurb or two published in the Buffalo News- I mean I did write for the college newspaper- so let's do this -aaaaand D I got a fucking D!!!. That's when I told my daughter the truth- like any good parent would That teacher must not like you.- because that was a damn good report! D as in Damn good I guess.
Now I don't suggest parents do their kid's assignments-obviously, look how well that worked our for us, but I would encourage good common sense. Like don't misspell words on your resume. I can't tell you how many times while interviewing for positions from teachers to cafeteria staff that I had my mind made up because of mistakes on their applications. Seriously! Also watch the words you choose. An applicant, who was once employed at a deli. wrote that her jobs including waiting on the customers, cleaning the food cases and cutting the cheese.... WHAT ??? you can get paid for that???
Now I hope that people won't be scouring my blogs-past, present and future for errors- I don't mean to sound like a snob, I believe in raising the bar, yet you can also limbo under it in some circumstances. If you are shooting a quick text or email and it is all lower case - no biggie (because all caps looks like shouting) If you are writing something that counts....make it count! Please take my advice because there out their with they're all to quick too judge attitudes and our ready two point out you're misteaks...your welcome.....just sayin'
Friday, April 18, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Uncharted Territories
I have been thinking lately that I have been hearing the phrase "I don't know, this has never happened before" an awful lot. I think sometimes it's an answer for when someone doesn't have an answer. I know have mentioned in previous blogs about my experience with the birth of my youngest daughter. I remember asking "what and why this was happening to me" and them scratching their heads saying, "We don't know, we've never seen this before" . Those really aren't the words you want coming out of your doctor's mouth. I had trouble believing that since the beginning of medical history, my situation ( a mere almost fatal bowel obstruction) was so rare that it took 2 weeks to figure out- Hey, shouldn't I be in a medical journal I asked.... to be hit with- "just hang in there and we'll send you for more tests"...more stuff you don't want to hear from your doctor...if it were today I would half expect House to walk, well limp in to save the day. But here it is almost 25 years later and that phrase "I don't know, this has never happened before " is still being used...at nausem, I might add.
Example One:
My aforementioned daughter bought a house. I am so SO proud of her! She is a little independent sort that knows what she wants and fearlessly goes after it. - And she got it- sort of. Just 5 hours before her closing, her lawyer called to say the seller is coming up short, financially . Is that why they call it a short sale? I don't know but that is what happened.. After what seemed like a million phone calls and questions- the answers kept coming up, you guessed it " I don't know, this has never happened before"
FOR REAL???? So she waits to close once again- and I'm sure there is a reason for all of this- there always is. In the meantime, my house looks like an episode of hoarders....boxes that you know as soon as you up pack, will be ready to pack back up! She'll get there-and she will have uncharted territory of her own I'm sure and hey it's better to move in the springtime anyway!
Example Two:
In my new job, where every day is a first time for me, I was told one of my tasks is to organize and coordinate a "Shadow Day". It is kind of a cool deal, kids get to "shadow" a job or career that they may want to pursue or in some case they BS their way into a day off from school. So since the beginning of January, I have restructured and re wrote the program - contacted area businesses - got a lot of rejections and a lot of positive feedback for some awesome opportunities. Okay, I can do this! I had some help along the way, but I pretty much single handedly placed over 30 kids in their career of choice- ranging from Marine Biologist to Welder. So here we go- a couple days before I hold a meeting to check permission slips, coordinate attendance and give them some tips on being in the "real world" - like dress appropriately, be on time, don't ask how much money they make...you know common sense!. I send them off and wish them luck for the coming, exciting day... hey is it snowing out? Make sure you take an envelope to send a thank you note...hey it's really Freaking snowing!!! And snow it did- like Dr. Zhivago snow ...enough to cancel school on 2014 Shadow Day...FOR REAL???? SO, of course the next day my question is...what do we do now? and the answer- let's all say it together, shall we "I don't know, this has never happened before". Months of work down the drain....it was a PR nightmare-kids asking what to do, businesses questioning the protocol for the situation and here's me...just me! So instead of bursting into tear, which was my original idea, I made the kids participating call their "mentors' and reschedule the day themselves. I mean the program is set up to be a learning experience about the real word and this is stuff that happens, right?. I guess there was some comment made (by an educator no less) about if that is they way it should have been handled and I would have gladly addressed it if it wasn't said behind my back ( in true high school fashion). Yep, that's they way we do it now.
There is something free-ing about uncharted territory, you can kind of do what you want. Plant your flag so to speak and do it your way .....sometimes
Example Three-(sort of)
I am in a situation - where I can honestly say "this has never happened before"- if it did I wouldn't remember because I.. am.. getting ...old. I don't know when this happened or how it snuck up on me but being a women of this age is truly a journey of "well this is new". From the extra unearned pounds around my waist ( I say UNearned because I have proudly earned some extra pounds - chips, cookies, full rack of ribs, you know, snacks) But lately, clothes fit differently on a day to day basis and then there's the surprise period usually accompanied by they surprise emotional outburst. Yes this is truly uncharted territory for me. I used to have a memory- a real good one too. When I was younger, my mom used to tell me things SHE didn't want to forget - and I would always remember!! I used to know birthdays or lyrics or names or if I paid a bill or not or why did I just walk in to this room??? Not any more. I was watching Jeopardy the other day and I'm thinking, along with the College and the Teen Challenge- they should have a Menopause Edition. It would be acceptable to answer ( in the form of a question of course ) "what is....you know that thing..." or "who is ....oh what is her name...that one who was in that thing" and of course there would be a whole section of time where you are searching for the stupid buzzer that WAS RIGHT THERE A MINUTE AGO.
But you know some first are great....first kisses, first in line, first Springsteen concert, first car, first plane ride, the first time you hear mama (and Gaga in my case. ) Not being a first born, I have to say the first time ever I saw the face of my first, second and third baby... Being a grandma has been the greatest first for me. It is truly uncharted and I am not by any means traditional ( I went to see Green Day with my Grandson, for goodness sakes) but hey I was never a GAGA before and when the next one comes along, that may be totally different too! Uncharted territory- it's not a bad thing and there is a first time for everything!
I am learning that as a first time owner a big dog. Yes I know, as my daughter says, we live in a zoo and we've always had puppies- but never have I ever had a big, big, BIG dog. Enter Finn- he is a rescue puppy I adopted thinking I was going to have an empty nest....see above. I was love at first sight! Finn (as in Finean's Rainbow...in keeping with my Broadway named pets) is a part boxer, part shepherd, part Shetland Pony. He is big ...Mr. Big is actually the nickname his foster owners gave him for a certain unmentionable appendage and not his giant paws either. My life is kind of turned upside down with this wonderful puppy. Are you familiar with Clifford the Big Red Dog books- yep that's my life . He gallops through the house, he thinks he's a little lap dog and likes to sleep on 50-75 % of my bed - he eats EVERYTHING in sight .. So now, I have to think like I never have before-Like when I cook- I used to be able to put things (like a pound of cooked bacon) on my counter. Yep, he ate a POUND OF COOKED BACON!!! I can honestly say I cried- you know what a pain it is to cook bacon...and how wonderful it is to eat bacon... It was a sad day. The "L T's" would have no "B" that day, my friends. Oh well, another first in my that never happened before uncharted territory life with a dog that will be wayyyy bigger than me in a couple months.
Firsts can be scary sometimes, but exciting as well- and you can't let "this never happened before" be an acceptable answer or solution to a problem. Take everyday as a opportunity to do something new and it just may be the first time you taste your new favorite food. You could meet your new best friends or soul mates by trying out for a musical for the first time- So get a new hair cut, wear a color you never wear, or be the first to sing karaoke. Buy a house, buy a big dog...it's all uncharted territory!
I don't know if any of my faithful reader have noticed a certain word so obviously missing from this blog- well it's Lent and I always try to give up swearing for Lent- and this year I tried not to even write it- hmmmm a blog without the F word in it- well I guess there IS a first time for everything-just sayin'
Example One:
My aforementioned daughter bought a house. I am so SO proud of her! She is a little independent sort that knows what she wants and fearlessly goes after it. - And she got it- sort of. Just 5 hours before her closing, her lawyer called to say the seller is coming up short, financially . Is that why they call it a short sale? I don't know but that is what happened.. After what seemed like a million phone calls and questions- the answers kept coming up, you guessed it " I don't know, this has never happened before"
FOR REAL???? So she waits to close once again- and I'm sure there is a reason for all of this- there always is. In the meantime, my house looks like an episode of hoarders....boxes that you know as soon as you up pack, will be ready to pack back up! She'll get there-and she will have uncharted territory of her own I'm sure and hey it's better to move in the springtime anyway!
Example Two:
In my new job, where every day is a first time for me, I was told one of my tasks is to organize and coordinate a "Shadow Day". It is kind of a cool deal, kids get to "shadow" a job or career that they may want to pursue or in some case they BS their way into a day off from school. So since the beginning of January, I have restructured and re wrote the program - contacted area businesses - got a lot of rejections and a lot of positive feedback for some awesome opportunities. Okay, I can do this! I had some help along the way, but I pretty much single handedly placed over 30 kids in their career of choice- ranging from Marine Biologist to Welder. So here we go- a couple days before I hold a meeting to check permission slips, coordinate attendance and give them some tips on being in the "real world" - like dress appropriately, be on time, don't ask how much money they make...you know common sense!. I send them off and wish them luck for the coming, exciting day... hey is it snowing out? Make sure you take an envelope to send a thank you note...hey it's really Freaking snowing!!! And snow it did- like Dr. Zhivago snow ...enough to cancel school on 2014 Shadow Day...FOR REAL???? SO, of course the next day my question is...what do we do now? and the answer- let's all say it together, shall we "I don't know, this has never happened before". Months of work down the drain....it was a PR nightmare-kids asking what to do, businesses questioning the protocol for the situation and here's me...just me! So instead of bursting into tear, which was my original idea, I made the kids participating call their "mentors' and reschedule the day themselves. I mean the program is set up to be a learning experience about the real word and this is stuff that happens, right?. I guess there was some comment made (by an educator no less) about if that is they way it should have been handled and I would have gladly addressed it if it wasn't said behind my back ( in true high school fashion). Yep, that's they way we do it now.
There is something free-ing about uncharted territory, you can kind of do what you want. Plant your flag so to speak and do it your way .....sometimes
Example Three-(sort of)
I am in a situation - where I can honestly say "this has never happened before"- if it did I wouldn't remember because I.. am.. getting ...old. I don't know when this happened or how it snuck up on me but being a women of this age is truly a journey of "well this is new". From the extra unearned pounds around my waist ( I say UNearned because I have proudly earned some extra pounds - chips, cookies, full rack of ribs, you know, snacks) But lately, clothes fit differently on a day to day basis and then there's the surprise period usually accompanied by they surprise emotional outburst. Yes this is truly uncharted territory for me. I used to have a memory- a real good one too. When I was younger, my mom used to tell me things SHE didn't want to forget - and I would always remember!! I used to know birthdays or lyrics or names or if I paid a bill or not or why did I just walk in to this room??? Not any more. I was watching Jeopardy the other day and I'm thinking, along with the College and the Teen Challenge- they should have a Menopause Edition. It would be acceptable to answer ( in the form of a question of course ) "what is....you know that thing..." or "who is ....oh what is her name...that one who was in that thing" and of course there would be a whole section of time where you are searching for the stupid buzzer that WAS RIGHT THERE A MINUTE AGO.
But you know some first are great....first kisses, first in line, first Springsteen concert, first car, first plane ride, the first time you hear mama (and Gaga in my case. ) Not being a first born, I have to say the first time ever I saw the face of my first, second and third baby... Being a grandma has been the greatest first for me. It is truly uncharted and I am not by any means traditional ( I went to see Green Day with my Grandson, for goodness sakes) but hey I was never a GAGA before and when the next one comes along, that may be totally different too! Uncharted territory- it's not a bad thing and there is a first time for everything!
I am learning that as a first time owner a big dog. Yes I know, as my daughter says, we live in a zoo and we've always had puppies- but never have I ever had a big, big, BIG dog. Enter Finn- he is a rescue puppy I adopted thinking I was going to have an empty nest....see above. I was love at first sight! Finn (as in Finean's Rainbow...in keeping with my Broadway named pets) is a part boxer, part shepherd, part Shetland Pony. He is big ...Mr. Big is actually the nickname his foster owners gave him for a certain unmentionable appendage and not his giant paws either. My life is kind of turned upside down with this wonderful puppy. Are you familiar with Clifford the Big Red Dog books- yep that's my life . He gallops through the house, he thinks he's a little lap dog and likes to sleep on 50-75 % of my bed - he eats EVERYTHING in sight .. So now, I have to think like I never have before-Like when I cook- I used to be able to put things (like a pound of cooked bacon) on my counter. Yep, he ate a POUND OF COOKED BACON!!! I can honestly say I cried- you know what a pain it is to cook bacon...and how wonderful it is to eat bacon... It was a sad day. The "L T's" would have no "B" that day, my friends. Oh well, another first in my that never happened before uncharted territory life with a dog that will be wayyyy bigger than me in a couple months.
Firsts can be scary sometimes, but exciting as well- and you can't let "this never happened before" be an acceptable answer or solution to a problem. Take everyday as a opportunity to do something new and it just may be the first time you taste your new favorite food. You could meet your new best friends or soul mates by trying out for a musical for the first time- So get a new hair cut, wear a color you never wear, or be the first to sing karaoke. Buy a house, buy a big dog...it's all uncharted territory!
I don't know if any of my faithful reader have noticed a certain word so obviously missing from this blog- well it's Lent and I always try to give up swearing for Lent- and this year I tried not to even write it- hmmmm a blog without the F word in it- well I guess there IS a first time for everything-just sayin'
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Oh The Niceties...the Niceties!!!
Niceties...is that even a word ? I actually looked it up because I knew I had heard it before but I also have a habit of making up words (check a few blogs back...I believe I addressed that topic). But it is a word; it's a noun, meaning
(1) a refined, elegant or choice feature - "working hard to afford the niceties of life "
(2) a quality of being nice
(3) a delicacy of character -of something requiring care or tact .
Antonym: BAD MANNERS
I know you're thinking, okay Webster-what's with the vocabulary lesson? First let me tell you what got me thinking of the word "niceties". I was at work, warming up my second or third cup of coffee in our office microwave. As I stood there, I noticed on top of the microwave was this old fashioned set of a fancy creamer and sugar bowl. As soon as I saw them, I thought of my grandmother. She had these charming little teacups which I always loved, and now have in my house. This creamer and sugar bowl were made the same kind of way, kind of ornate yet solid and durable. It struck me as ironic to see such an old timey item atop the modern convenience of a microwave. It sort of made me nostalgic for a time that I was never really a part of-
I imagine a time of having friends over for coffee instead of meeting at a coffee place. Now don't get me wrong, I loves me some Timmy's, but a) you don't get refills and b) they always fuck up my order and I drink my coffee black!!! Now I know I used to have people over for coffee and I know someone must have had cream, well, milk and sugar. I just never remember having these fancy sugar bowls and creamers that I remember my grandmother having or the like the ones I saw in the on the office microwave.
DING - coffee's heated ...stop daydreaming....get back to work....
I couldn't shake it though- the thought that somewhere along the way we lost some of these niceties. I guess we, as a generation, are just busy. How busy are we really? Does it excuse the fact that when I go to see a show at the theatre. some people are there in jeans? I mean are we too busy to wear nice pants? Maybe it's me- I think it's nice to dress up. I am not saying that suits and ties are necessary and I just had another flashback ...an old black and white picture, it's our 6th & 3rd birthday party (my sister and I always had parties together- those who know me well, I'm clarifying, not complaining) The picture I remember has us in matching dresses and everyone else dressed up and I mean really dressed up. The women wore dresses and the men had jackets and ties....for a kid's party....in our living room...can you imagine that today? Of course every adult (including the pregnant women) had a cigarette in their hands -but that's another story.
I just think there was a certain amount of civility. It was respectful in a way. I respect the theater therefore I dress accordingly when I attend a show. I always dress up for our shows in our little theatre in the projects. I'm the director- I remember the directors who I try to emulate would always dress up for the performances. I get such a kick out of the kids in the shows who are shocked to see me in fancy clothes with fancy shoes as opposed to the sweaty hot mess they are used to seeing for weeks. ''Wow...you look so good" they say almost not believing what they are seeing... But I wouldn't dream dressing any other way for my shows.
Being respectful is one of the niceties that I think we've lost along the way.
I work in an office where some students either have never been taught the proper way to speak to an adult or anyone for that matter. Here is an example:
Me: Can I help you?
Student: I need to see my counselor
Me: Well, they are not here at the moment-can I...
Student: But I need to see them-mah
Me: You can make an appointment...
Student: silently staring, waiting for me to somehow make their counselor appear .
Uh, I make appointments kids, I'm not a fucking magician.
I some times think they have never heard the word NO before because they stand there until they get what they want and when they don't they storm away ....THEN you meet their parents and you say ohhhhh that's where they get it from. You can actually see the apple next to the tree.
Now, I'm not saying that I haven't lost my shit. I have had my moments of rage when I spoke with a school, a doctor's office or bank. I have had to choose my words very carefully as not to sound unprofessional and really try not to pepper my conversation with various forms of the word fuck.
I think that sometime when you are the one in "control", you open yourself up for criticism and unwelcomed opinions. My feeling is always - if you think you can do better....by all means you be the director, coach, teacher or the person in charge of planning anything. Everyone had the right to have an opinion but if I may speak for all of those who have ever planned a party
"shut the hell up and keep it to yourself"...think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
If you spend your time coaching a team, directing a show, running an event -whether you get paid or not, would you want someone in your face telling you how you should be doing it. I think not.
I think in the past there was a sense of decorum when it came to situations like that.
In the education business you see it like crazy. Remember when you were a kid and you got in trouble at school...weren't you more scared of your parent?. Not today- parents will back their kids no matter how inane the situation....
Example- Religion Class -"My son should have gotten a perfect attendance award...yeah, he missed the first couple weeks of class but once he got there he never missed a class."
Example-Cafeteria- "I'm very angry that my 2nd grader came home upset because she wasn't allowed to use salt and pepper in the lunch room"
- really- your daughter has that discriminating a palate and you actually took the time to call the school ? Besides have you ever had the cafeteria food...salt and pepper ain't gonna help.
I just can't imagine complaining about seasonings to my parents or either of them ESPECIALLY my dad calling the school...it would be "what school do you go to again?" "which one are you?"
Handling both of those oh so true situations took a certain amount of tact or care or nicety.
The act of being nice is quickly becoming a lost art. Let some one in when you are driving, just because and a wave would be nice as well . And for the record if I fail to let you cut in, it's not because I'm not nice...I'm a really bad driver.
If you are lucky enough to be eating at a restaurant, be nice to your server - the word is server, not servant. Speaking of restaurants - put your phones down folks! Again-- guilty VERY guilty....I love my phone...I Facebook stalk ....I play games....I text, but let's all try not to do it when you should be having a conversation with the person you are out to dinner with. It's like someone is talking to you and you are talking to someone else at the same time RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. I don't know about you but I'm way too insecure to not be hurt by that. Excuse yourself for that moment -do what you have to do...finish that text, get that kick ass word on Words with Friends and then get your face out of your phone and pay attention. Not only is it the right thing to do- it's the nice thing to do.
I say we bring back some of these nice things. We shouldn't be so surprised when someone offers to let us ahead of them in line. We should thank people and accept the thanks we deserve. We shouldn't be shocked when a student says excuse me or holds the door for you. It should be the norm. So maybe next time I will invite you over to my house for coffee and pull out my grandmother's beautiful tea cups although I may not have a fancy sugar bowl or creamer 'cause I like my coffee like I like my hair dye- I found a great quote that said "Yes, I take my coffee black- is there another color? " Well is there?...oh be nice...I'm just sayin'
(1) a refined, elegant or choice feature - "working hard to afford the niceties of life "
(2) a quality of being nice
(3) a delicacy of character -of something requiring care or tact .
Antonym: BAD MANNERS
I know you're thinking, okay Webster-what's with the vocabulary lesson? First let me tell you what got me thinking of the word "niceties". I was at work, warming up my second or third cup of coffee in our office microwave. As I stood there, I noticed on top of the microwave was this old fashioned set of a fancy creamer and sugar bowl. As soon as I saw them, I thought of my grandmother. She had these charming little teacups which I always loved, and now have in my house. This creamer and sugar bowl were made the same kind of way, kind of ornate yet solid and durable. It struck me as ironic to see such an old timey item atop the modern convenience of a microwave. It sort of made me nostalgic for a time that I was never really a part of-
I imagine a time of having friends over for coffee instead of meeting at a coffee place. Now don't get me wrong, I loves me some Timmy's, but a) you don't get refills and b) they always fuck up my order and I drink my coffee black!!! Now I know I used to have people over for coffee and I know someone must have had cream, well, milk and sugar. I just never remember having these fancy sugar bowls and creamers that I remember my grandmother having or the like the ones I saw in the on the office microwave.
DING - coffee's heated ...stop daydreaming....get back to work....
I couldn't shake it though- the thought that somewhere along the way we lost some of these niceties. I guess we, as a generation, are just busy. How busy are we really? Does it excuse the fact that when I go to see a show at the theatre. some people are there in jeans? I mean are we too busy to wear nice pants? Maybe it's me- I think it's nice to dress up. I am not saying that suits and ties are necessary and I just had another flashback ...an old black and white picture, it's our 6th & 3rd birthday party (my sister and I always had parties together- those who know me well, I'm clarifying, not complaining) The picture I remember has us in matching dresses and everyone else dressed up and I mean really dressed up. The women wore dresses and the men had jackets and ties....for a kid's party....in our living room...can you imagine that today? Of course every adult (including the pregnant women) had a cigarette in their hands -but that's another story.
I just think there was a certain amount of civility. It was respectful in a way. I respect the theater therefore I dress accordingly when I attend a show. I always dress up for our shows in our little theatre in the projects. I'm the director- I remember the directors who I try to emulate would always dress up for the performances. I get such a kick out of the kids in the shows who are shocked to see me in fancy clothes with fancy shoes as opposed to the sweaty hot mess they are used to seeing for weeks. ''Wow...you look so good" they say almost not believing what they are seeing... But I wouldn't dream dressing any other way for my shows.
Being respectful is one of the niceties that I think we've lost along the way.
I work in an office where some students either have never been taught the proper way to speak to an adult or anyone for that matter. Here is an example:
Me: Can I help you?
Student: I need to see my counselor
Me: Well, they are not here at the moment-can I...
Student: But I need to see them-mah
Me: You can make an appointment...
Student: silently staring, waiting for me to somehow make their counselor appear .
Uh, I make appointments kids, I'm not a fucking magician.
I some times think they have never heard the word NO before because they stand there until they get what they want and when they don't they storm away ....THEN you meet their parents and you say ohhhhh that's where they get it from. You can actually see the apple next to the tree.
Now, I'm not saying that I haven't lost my shit. I have had my moments of rage when I spoke with a school, a doctor's office or bank. I have had to choose my words very carefully as not to sound unprofessional and really try not to pepper my conversation with various forms of the word fuck.
I think that sometime when you are the one in "control", you open yourself up for criticism and unwelcomed opinions. My feeling is always - if you think you can do better....by all means you be the director, coach, teacher or the person in charge of planning anything. Everyone had the right to have an opinion but if I may speak for all of those who have ever planned a party
"shut the hell up and keep it to yourself"...think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
If you spend your time coaching a team, directing a show, running an event -whether you get paid or not, would you want someone in your face telling you how you should be doing it. I think not.
I think in the past there was a sense of decorum when it came to situations like that.
In the education business you see it like crazy. Remember when you were a kid and you got in trouble at school...weren't you more scared of your parent?. Not today- parents will back their kids no matter how inane the situation....
Example- Religion Class -"My son should have gotten a perfect attendance award...yeah, he missed the first couple weeks of class but once he got there he never missed a class."
Example-Cafeteria- "I'm very angry that my 2nd grader came home upset because she wasn't allowed to use salt and pepper in the lunch room"
- really- your daughter has that discriminating a palate and you actually took the time to call the school ? Besides have you ever had the cafeteria food...salt and pepper ain't gonna help.
I just can't imagine complaining about seasonings to my parents or either of them ESPECIALLY my dad calling the school...it would be "what school do you go to again?" "which one are you?"
Handling both of those oh so true situations took a certain amount of tact or care or nicety.
The act of being nice is quickly becoming a lost art. Let some one in when you are driving, just because and a wave would be nice as well . And for the record if I fail to let you cut in, it's not because I'm not nice...I'm a really bad driver.
If you are lucky enough to be eating at a restaurant, be nice to your server - the word is server, not servant. Speaking of restaurants - put your phones down folks! Again-- guilty VERY guilty....I love my phone...I Facebook stalk ....I play games....I text, but let's all try not to do it when you should be having a conversation with the person you are out to dinner with. It's like someone is talking to you and you are talking to someone else at the same time RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM. I don't know about you but I'm way too insecure to not be hurt by that. Excuse yourself for that moment -do what you have to do...finish that text, get that kick ass word on Words with Friends and then get your face out of your phone and pay attention. Not only is it the right thing to do- it's the nice thing to do.
I say we bring back some of these nice things. We shouldn't be so surprised when someone offers to let us ahead of them in line. We should thank people and accept the thanks we deserve. We shouldn't be shocked when a student says excuse me or holds the door for you. It should be the norm. So maybe next time I will invite you over to my house for coffee and pull out my grandmother's beautiful tea cups although I may not have a fancy sugar bowl or creamer 'cause I like my coffee like I like my hair dye- I found a great quote that said "Yes, I take my coffee black- is there another color? " Well is there?...oh be nice...I'm just sayin'
Saturday, January 25, 2014
MJust Sayin: Eat, Pray, Crush....
MJust Sayin: Eat, Pray, Crush....: .....Candy Crush that is. I must apologize to my faithful readers who are not familiar or are not fans of the game CANDY CRUSH SAGA. O....
Eat, Pray, Crush....
.....Candy Crush that is.
I must apologize to my faithful readers who are not familiar or are not fans of the game CANDY CRUSH SAGA.
O. M. G!
I started playing this little game on my phone while I was sitting in waiting rooms last year. I remember really enjoying that Bedazzled or Bejeweled game or what ever it was called. It was mindless and relaxing but fulfilled that little bit of competitiveness I have. I can hear you all laughing at me for calling myself a little competitive. That is like saying that they "kind of swear" in the Wolf of Wall Street. Anyway- this Candy game, I thought was the same kind of thing...line up three colors ...get points...AND it's candy! Doctor appointment after doctor appointment, waiting room after waiting room I would sit and play level after level and I would wonder "what did people do before this game"...would they just sit there...look at outdated magazines...God forbid...Talk? I mean it was mindless and really did help pass the time....and then some
"So you want to know what the doctor said?"
"yeah yeah yeah....one second... I have 4 moves .....DAMMIT!!!!!"
Okay I'm only kind of exaggerating, kind of. I guess I have a little bit of an addictive personality ( see above analogy).
As time went on, the game got more popular and more and more people I knew were playing this silly game. I would see friends that I haven't had contact with for years sending me a request for a "life" or a chance to advance to a new level. I had visions of these people sniffing and all shifty-like
"can you help me out man...I need one more life...c'mon we're old friends right?"
Once I realized how far this game had gone and how many people it had in its Candy Clutches, I felt like I could talk about it ...it was less a "dirty little secret " and more of a "guilty pleasure"
It was then I realized...Candy Crush is Life.
Now let me explain:
All kinds of people play this game. I can see from my Face Book friends list - young, old, rich poor. It is like the great equalizer! No matter where you are in the game, you are trying to get ahead. I see people on lower levels and higher levels and basically we are all out for the same outcome. Getting ahead. In life when you perceive someone as "having it all" and then you talk to them only to find they are the same as you...wanting certain things,- material and non-material things. Everything is relative ...no matter how much you have (money, standings, influence etc.) you never seem like you have enough. How can someone on Level 245 be complaining I ask you??
The frustration of life gets to you no matter what level you are on.
Sometimes it's smooth sailing ....you are pounding out reds and blues, striped candy , wrapped ones bang, bang, bang....next level please...I am the Queen of All Candy I am!
But then ..you get stuck. Stuck for days weeks...what the fuck! I will never get off this stinkin' level...what am I doing wrong? Like life...right? Things are going so awesome (and if you are Italian you are looking over your shoulder never quite enjoying it ), yet appreciating that life is good! Job is good, family -good and you find a $ 20 in your coat pocket or you get a refund check- weather is beautiful on your vacation- you are Leonardo on the front of the Titanic!!!
But then you get stuck! Job- sucks...you are mad at your entire family...."I thought I had a $20 in my wallet"..."I owe how much?" I just got my period!!!...of course it's raining
What the hell...who did I piss off? You kind of get stuck on a level...and you run on the hope that things will get better . Then this happens.. you see whole bunch of your friends there to give you a "life". One of those lives give you what you need to beat that level and move on. Occasionally someone in your life will give you a kind word, the hand you need , an invite for coffee or a drink and you get "unstuck" enough to move to your next "level".... which of course will be either smooth or most likely frustrating.(hey I'm Italian)
Your friends will get stuck too remember, so you need to give them a life when they ask...it's only fair! Their level may be more frustrating than you think. Those guys that seem so cool, they don't need your help do they? You bet your Goobers and Raisinettes they do! There is nothing better than hearing "I'm so glad you called" and knowing you may have made someone's life a little sweeter.
Of course we all know the feeling of - it's not fair...you kind of feel like a 4 year old when you say it - but really, it's not fair- and not for the reason that some people have more than others, that's true but that's not exactly what I mean. I'm playing a level and I think "I got this- no problem"-
I do the same thing I always do...but why didn't that big candy covered chocolate ball bust through everything like it always does! Uh yeah...life's like that... You work and work and they close your school and now the same thing happens to my sister's school (although it seems like their big chocolate candy is going to do the trick and hopefully keep their school open) You eat the right things and work out and usually you lose a pound or two....but not lately...I am doing the same thing I always do but I can't zip my jeans...what gives.??
Life's not fair - this game is certainly not fair! So, you try a new move and you give it a shot and zip goes your jeans! Hey whaddya know, you're on to the next level!
But wait, if that doesn't work, they ( who are they?) try to get you to BUY your way out of your failure,...don't do it!!! - although I have to admit, I have considered it at a weaker moment. I never have done it though, because I couldn't figure out how to do it or mainly I was too lazy to get my credit card. I suppose it's like buying your self something when you are depressed- you know, "retail therapy" . It doesn't really work...it's a quick fix.
Lately, I haven't been playing a whole lot of Candy Crush ....it was getting too frustrating. I took a break- I couldn't stand the sight of that creepy old timey guy and that little girl you see when you "fail" at a level. - I did start recently playing again, you know for research for this blog..."Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in"
Since I just quoted Michael Corleone I'll get extra Italian on you and say
La vita รจ dolce - Life is Sweet!
Life is sweet as Candy- Crush!
So follow these rules of the game-
I must apologize to my faithful readers who are not familiar or are not fans of the game CANDY CRUSH SAGA.
O. M. G!
I started playing this little game on my phone while I was sitting in waiting rooms last year. I remember really enjoying that Bedazzled or Bejeweled game or what ever it was called. It was mindless and relaxing but fulfilled that little bit of competitiveness I have. I can hear you all laughing at me for calling myself a little competitive. That is like saying that they "kind of swear" in the Wolf of Wall Street. Anyway- this Candy game, I thought was the same kind of thing...line up three colors ...get points...AND it's candy! Doctor appointment after doctor appointment, waiting room after waiting room I would sit and play level after level and I would wonder "what did people do before this game"...would they just sit there...look at outdated magazines...God forbid...Talk? I mean it was mindless and really did help pass the time....and then some
"So you want to know what the doctor said?"
"yeah yeah yeah....one second... I have 4 moves .....DAMMIT!!!!!"
Okay I'm only kind of exaggerating, kind of. I guess I have a little bit of an addictive personality ( see above analogy).
As time went on, the game got more popular and more and more people I knew were playing this silly game. I would see friends that I haven't had contact with for years sending me a request for a "life" or a chance to advance to a new level. I had visions of these people sniffing and all shifty-like
"can you help me out man...I need one more life...c'mon we're old friends right?"
Once I realized how far this game had gone and how many people it had in its Candy Clutches, I felt like I could talk about it ...it was less a "dirty little secret " and more of a "guilty pleasure"
It was then I realized...Candy Crush is Life.
Now let me explain:
All kinds of people play this game. I can see from my Face Book friends list - young, old, rich poor. It is like the great equalizer! No matter where you are in the game, you are trying to get ahead. I see people on lower levels and higher levels and basically we are all out for the same outcome. Getting ahead. In life when you perceive someone as "having it all" and then you talk to them only to find they are the same as you...wanting certain things,- material and non-material things. Everything is relative ...no matter how much you have (money, standings, influence etc.) you never seem like you have enough. How can someone on Level 245 be complaining I ask you??
The frustration of life gets to you no matter what level you are on.
Sometimes it's smooth sailing ....you are pounding out reds and blues, striped candy , wrapped ones bang, bang, bang....next level please...I am the Queen of All Candy I am!
But then ..you get stuck. Stuck for days weeks...what the fuck! I will never get off this stinkin' level...what am I doing wrong? Like life...right? Things are going so awesome (and if you are Italian you are looking over your shoulder never quite enjoying it ), yet appreciating that life is good! Job is good, family -good and you find a $ 20 in your coat pocket or you get a refund check- weather is beautiful on your vacation- you are Leonardo on the front of the Titanic!!!
But then you get stuck! Job- sucks...you are mad at your entire family...."I thought I had a $20 in my wallet"..."I owe how much?" I just got my period!!!...of course it's raining
What the hell...who did I piss off? You kind of get stuck on a level...and you run on the hope that things will get better . Then this happens.. you see whole bunch of your friends there to give you a "life". One of those lives give you what you need to beat that level and move on. Occasionally someone in your life will give you a kind word, the hand you need , an invite for coffee or a drink and you get "unstuck" enough to move to your next "level".... which of course will be either smooth or most likely frustrating.(hey I'm Italian)
Your friends will get stuck too remember, so you need to give them a life when they ask...it's only fair! Their level may be more frustrating than you think. Those guys that seem so cool, they don't need your help do they? You bet your Goobers and Raisinettes they do! There is nothing better than hearing "I'm so glad you called" and knowing you may have made someone's life a little sweeter.
Of course we all know the feeling of - it's not fair...you kind of feel like a 4 year old when you say it - but really, it's not fair- and not for the reason that some people have more than others, that's true but that's not exactly what I mean. I'm playing a level and I think "I got this- no problem"-
I do the same thing I always do...but why didn't that big candy covered chocolate ball bust through everything like it always does! Uh yeah...life's like that... You work and work and they close your school and now the same thing happens to my sister's school (although it seems like their big chocolate candy is going to do the trick and hopefully keep their school open) You eat the right things and work out and usually you lose a pound or two....but not lately...I am doing the same thing I always do but I can't zip my jeans...what gives.??
Life's not fair - this game is certainly not fair! So, you try a new move and you give it a shot and zip goes your jeans! Hey whaddya know, you're on to the next level!
But wait, if that doesn't work, they ( who are they?) try to get you to BUY your way out of your failure,...don't do it!!! - although I have to admit, I have considered it at a weaker moment. I never have done it though, because I couldn't figure out how to do it or mainly I was too lazy to get my credit card. I suppose it's like buying your self something when you are depressed- you know, "retail therapy" . It doesn't really work...it's a quick fix.
Lately, I haven't been playing a whole lot of Candy Crush ....it was getting too frustrating. I took a break- I couldn't stand the sight of that creepy old timey guy and that little girl you see when you "fail" at a level. - I did start recently playing again, you know for research for this blog..."Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in"
Since I just quoted Michael Corleone I'll get extra Italian on you and say
La vita รจ dolce - Life is Sweet!
Life is sweet as Candy- Crush!
So follow these rules of the game-
- Be happy and enjoy each level you are at, but never stop trying to be better!
- Help out your friends and be ready to accept when someone wants to help you out as well!
- Life's not always fair - but if you keep trying new avenues, you may make find it isn't fair for a reason and you need to discover a new way to get to your new level!
Sunday, January 5, 2014
"I got through all of last year...and I'm here"
During my Christmas break, in between the last minute shopping, the eating, the decorating, the eating, the cooking and the eating and the family gatherings which consisted of, you guessed it, I sat down and watched a documentary on Stephen Sondheim. I love him and usually when I hear a song from a musical that I really adore, it's by Stephen Sondheim. I didn't realize how many musicals he wrote the lyrics for- including "Gypsy", which is the musical I chose for this summer's production. The title of this first blog of 2014 comes the musical "Follies" by my friend Stephen. It's a song about endurance called "I'm Still Here" and that particular line just slapped me in the face as I was sitting on my couch....eating.
I know that everyone looks back at their year and says either "what a good year" or "well, that sucked." As usual, I fell somewhere in between as that same song calls "good times and bum times". That sounds about right. We started last year with good new - an all clear/no cancer from the doctor and it seemed like it will be business as usual. Doesn't everyone have to sweat out two PET SCANs per year when you walk around all day with your heart beating a mile a minute until you get the results? It is horrifying and reassuring at the same time. It's a part of my NEW NORMAL. The only way I can describe my New Normal is that I have taken up residency just outside of my comfort zone. The events of last year set me up in this nice little neighborhood on the corner of Awkward and Anxious and it looks like I'm staying.
When my job of 20 odd years ended last year, my colleagues and I were scattered through the district and placed in new schools. I was one of the "lucky" ones that was put in a completely new job. We all agreed the awkwardness of "where's this" "where's that" and "how do you do it at this school" and most importantly "where's the lunch room" (and bathroom for that matter) took a while to get over. On top of that I had to learn a whole new job with a whole new set of responsibilities and tasks that would have been a dream...maybe ten years ago or at the very least if it were my choice to leave my nice little job in Comfortville.
Well it wasn't so what the hell, right? Was this going to defeat me ...I mean have I ever turned down a challenge.
Did I turn down that Buff State frat boy's challenge to beer chugging contest?....No
Did I win?....No
Did excuse myself and throw up in the ladies room?....You bet I did.
So here it is years later and I am asked once again to a prove myself as someone who is up to the challenge.
Did I accept it? ....Yes
Am I doing okay?....I think so.
Did I thrown up in the ladies room? No, because I wasn't sure where it was.
That's a part of my New Normal and pretty soon it will just be normal, I hope.
It is unfortunate that I have to say I had to put my ailing 15 year old dog to sleep this past week and I am truly devastated. We had her since she was just six weeks old. We all piled into the car and drove out to East Shitville (this was before GPS) and rescued her from this disgusting trailer where they must have been burning a dog poop scented candle. It was so gross! It was a "go wait in the car kids" type of place where "lady" handed us the dog's AKC papers (for real?) carefully as to not burn them with her lit cigarette that she never put down once. So we took our little Cosette home, fleas and all which I am positive she caught from that lady. She was our lovely little pet until about 6 months ago or so when she just wasn't anymore. I read so much on the subject of when do you know it's time, and they all said essentially the same thing, : when they are not enjoying their life as a dog- it's already too late. The "soul went out of her eyes" was a phrase that stuck with me. So we started this new year with the actually not so tough decision of letting her sleep.... So my New Normal does not include my Cosette.
Last year was filled with caring for an ailing dog as well as an ailing Mom (please know that not at all do I mean to suggest they are on the same level but someday I will talk about the similarities,) Since August, my life consisted of hospital visits and chemo and the feeling that we are all one doctor appointment away from a life altering situation. But you get through it and her exhaustion and dizziness and wigs and how she has no eye lashes. well that's part of conversation in the New Normal.
I am also now preparing my self for an empty nest situation as my remaining kids that are home are moving out into a house my daughter purchased and I am okay with that.....no my jaws aren't clenched....that's how I always talk. But seriously, its a great thing and I am elated...it's time! None of my kids went away to college so I never had to deal with the separation. I provided the dorm life experience though ....drunk the most of the time, staying up late watching dumb movies, eating Ramen Noodles, gaining the Freshman 15....but enough about me.
Scary is it is...it will be the first time in a lot of years that it will be just me and him. Scary because we are kind of different people in the New Normal. I now sweat when it is -10 degrees outside. I can heat up leftovers with some of my hot flashes and fall asleep if I am sitting still for more than 5 minutes aaaand that's my normal now. It is also the normal of most of my friends which we laughed about the other day at our breakfast/lunch /are they ever going stop laughing and leave. As usual, after meeting with true friends, I leave feeling totally empowered as well as exhausted from laughing.
New Normal is where I feel like I handle things with a new outlook, I wouldn't call it maturity, anyone who knows me wouldn't call it maturity either. I was told one time I am like a kidadult ...one word .
I guess it's life experience and that the only thing you can count on is change. Sometimes bad but you know what, sometimes good.
In this New Normal I decided to give up my restaurant job for the time being to better handle my crazy schedule of work and family and musicals. For the first time in many years I won't have change for a fifty in my purse or "stripper money" as my daughter used to refer to it in front of the grocery store check out people thank you very much.
So I got through all of last year's trials and tribulations and the eminent changes I could see coming. But I am, as always, optimistic....how can you be anything but optimistic in January
Let's get back to Mr. Sondheim, who I will get to know quite well as "everything comes up roses" this summer. From that documentary I learned that he also wrote the lyrics for my favorite musical "West Side Story", I did not know that! To quote him again ( because everything goes back to musicals....do you not know that by now)
Could it be? Yes it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
I love it...of course that whole show ends up just horribly but that's besides the point. What an uplifting song though and I urge you to listen to it and you will feel the power... the feeling that "there's miracle due." It is so amazing to me that someone wrote that song (duh Stephen Sondheim) over 50 years ago and today it is relevant to me and I hope for some of you too. It's a great song with hope and promise, but alas it is sung by Tony, a Jet and with my skin tone and black hair...I would have totally been a Shark....just sayin'
I know that everyone looks back at their year and says either "what a good year" or "well, that sucked." As usual, I fell somewhere in between as that same song calls "good times and bum times". That sounds about right. We started last year with good new - an all clear/no cancer from the doctor and it seemed like it will be business as usual. Doesn't everyone have to sweat out two PET SCANs per year when you walk around all day with your heart beating a mile a minute until you get the results? It is horrifying and reassuring at the same time. It's a part of my NEW NORMAL. The only way I can describe my New Normal is that I have taken up residency just outside of my comfort zone. The events of last year set me up in this nice little neighborhood on the corner of Awkward and Anxious and it looks like I'm staying.
When my job of 20 odd years ended last year, my colleagues and I were scattered through the district and placed in new schools. I was one of the "lucky" ones that was put in a completely new job. We all agreed the awkwardness of "where's this" "where's that" and "how do you do it at this school" and most importantly "where's the lunch room" (and bathroom for that matter) took a while to get over. On top of that I had to learn a whole new job with a whole new set of responsibilities and tasks that would have been a dream...maybe ten years ago or at the very least if it were my choice to leave my nice little job in Comfortville.
Well it wasn't so what the hell, right? Was this going to defeat me ...I mean have I ever turned down a challenge.
Did I turn down that Buff State frat boy's challenge to beer chugging contest?....No
Did I win?....No
Did excuse myself and throw up in the ladies room?....You bet I did.
So here it is years later and I am asked once again to a prove myself as someone who is up to the challenge.
Did I accept it? ....Yes
Am I doing okay?....I think so.
Did I thrown up in the ladies room? No, because I wasn't sure where it was.
That's a part of my New Normal and pretty soon it will just be normal, I hope.
It is unfortunate that I have to say I had to put my ailing 15 year old dog to sleep this past week and I am truly devastated. We had her since she was just six weeks old. We all piled into the car and drove out to East Shitville (this was before GPS) and rescued her from this disgusting trailer where they must have been burning a dog poop scented candle. It was so gross! It was a "go wait in the car kids" type of place where "lady" handed us the dog's AKC papers (for real?) carefully as to not burn them with her lit cigarette that she never put down once. So we took our little Cosette home, fleas and all which I am positive she caught from that lady. She was our lovely little pet until about 6 months ago or so when she just wasn't anymore. I read so much on the subject of when do you know it's time, and they all said essentially the same thing, : when they are not enjoying their life as a dog- it's already too late. The "soul went out of her eyes" was a phrase that stuck with me. So we started this new year with the actually not so tough decision of letting her sleep.... So my New Normal does not include my Cosette.
Last year was filled with caring for an ailing dog as well as an ailing Mom (please know that not at all do I mean to suggest they are on the same level but someday I will talk about the similarities,) Since August, my life consisted of hospital visits and chemo and the feeling that we are all one doctor appointment away from a life altering situation. But you get through it and her exhaustion and dizziness and wigs and how she has no eye lashes. well that's part of conversation in the New Normal.
I am also now preparing my self for an empty nest situation as my remaining kids that are home are moving out into a house my daughter purchased and I am okay with that.....no my jaws aren't clenched....that's how I always talk. But seriously, its a great thing and I am elated...it's time! None of my kids went away to college so I never had to deal with the separation. I provided the dorm life experience though ....drunk the most of the time, staying up late watching dumb movies, eating Ramen Noodles, gaining the Freshman 15....but enough about me.
Scary is it is...it will be the first time in a lot of years that it will be just me and him. Scary because we are kind of different people in the New Normal. I now sweat when it is -10 degrees outside. I can heat up leftovers with some of my hot flashes and fall asleep if I am sitting still for more than 5 minutes aaaand that's my normal now. It is also the normal of most of my friends which we laughed about the other day at our breakfast/lunch /are they ever going stop laughing and leave. As usual, after meeting with true friends, I leave feeling totally empowered as well as exhausted from laughing.
New Normal is where I feel like I handle things with a new outlook, I wouldn't call it maturity, anyone who knows me wouldn't call it maturity either. I was told one time I am like a kidadult ...one word .
I guess it's life experience and that the only thing you can count on is change. Sometimes bad but you know what, sometimes good.
In this New Normal I decided to give up my restaurant job for the time being to better handle my crazy schedule of work and family and musicals. For the first time in many years I won't have change for a fifty in my purse or "stripper money" as my daughter used to refer to it in front of the grocery store check out people thank you very much.
So I got through all of last year's trials and tribulations and the eminent changes I could see coming. But I am, as always, optimistic....how can you be anything but optimistic in January
Let's get back to Mr. Sondheim, who I will get to know quite well as "everything comes up roses" this summer. From that documentary I learned that he also wrote the lyrics for my favorite musical "West Side Story", I did not know that! To quote him again ( because everything goes back to musicals....do you not know that by now)
Could it be? Yes it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
I love it...of course that whole show ends up just horribly but that's besides the point. What an uplifting song though and I urge you to listen to it and you will feel the power... the feeling that "there's miracle due." It is so amazing to me that someone wrote that song (duh Stephen Sondheim) over 50 years ago and today it is relevant to me and I hope for some of you too. It's a great song with hope and promise, but alas it is sung by Tony, a Jet and with my skin tone and black hair...I would have totally been a Shark....just sayin'
Saturday, December 14, 2013
It's Comin' on Christmas
"It's comin' on Christmas...They're cuttin' down trees..." That's the first line of the song River by Joni Mitchell. The first 35 seconds or so of that song just gets me, it reduces me to tears EVERY time I hear it. It's a haunting kind of song which has nothing to do with how I feel about Christmas. I love the song but I LOVE Christmas. I find it so funny because some of the shittiest events occurred during the Christmas season, but I still adore the whole bustling, stressful, shopping, when the hell am I going to have time to make cookies, wrap the damn gift in the car, family, friends and food of it all!
This week marked the year anniversary of my husband's cancer surgery. This time last year we weren't sure if that Christmas would be his last, or would there be chemo in our future or who knows what? Well, as many know, it was a very Merry Christmas last year as the cancer was caught in time. Little did I know there would be chemo in our future as my mom is struggling with the same awful disease and the same questions of "lasts" nag at me once again.
We shop, we wrap, we cook, we bake....it's comin of Christmas!
Eleven years ago, this time of year, again, we lost my sister-in-law. It was a couple days before Christmas when we drove down to say good bye to her and early the next morning, she was gone. It was tough, but we cooked, we ate, we wrapped, we opened, we shopped but this time for the pink shirts we were all to wear at her funeral. It didn't seem like Christmas too much that year, but I have a little gingerbread ornament hanging in my kitchen with an August date on it from when we DID celebrated Christmas that year. We baked, we gathered, we decorated ...it was hot, but it was her Christmas!
Holy shit though...I still love Christmas. After all is said and done, you look back on all the Christmases and some are better than others. Some years are just a blur of trying to get the kids asleep and trying to stay awake in order to make sure it looked like"Santa was here" and God help us if the cookies we left for him aren't gone. There were many a Christmas morning when I shoved those cookies in my mouth before the kids noticed. Come to think of it, I have started many mornings like that, Christmas or not. But as my children grew up, the mornings are not quite the same, yet I still feel compelled to make sure it looks like "Santa was here". This very well maybe the last year for that. as plans of moving out and buying houses are the conversations these days. Nope, doesn't matter.... still love Christmas.
There was one Christmas in particular that stands out in my mind. It was 24 years ago this week and we got a great present that year. A beautiful baby girl. Her due date was December 25 but because of having to have a C-section, we picked that date 12/12. That would get me home in plenty of time. I had already shopped, wrapped and baked knowing that I would be a little busier that usual that year. I was then reminded of my one of my grandmother's favorite saying "you make plans and God laughs" Well he must have been hysterical because my plans went horribly awry.
Thanks to the same wonderful God, my baby girl was healthy and dare I say perfect! It was me that was not so perfect it seemed. The frightening part was no one knew why. Doctors would come in scratch their heads and send me for tests. There was one doctor in particular with no bedside manner...I believe his name was Dr. Fucking Asshole and he said very sarcastically "get a tree in here she ain't going anywhere". I wanted to go home -I couldn't miss Christmas...who would remember to eat the cookies? Who would write Merry Christmas Love Santa on the black board easel Santa was bringing? Who would fill the stockings ?
About a week and a half later, my baby went home with out me while I had an additional surgery to un-obstruct my bowel. Then there was my gig in ICU for an very scary heart issue. I didn't think I would ever see another Christmas but my biggest fear was that my precious baby girl would always feel responsible if anything ever happened to me. I WOULD NOT let that be the case. I will spare the gory details (and they are pret-tay pret-tay gory) and just say that very early Christmas morning I was in a regular room with a monitor on my heart and a phone on my ear.
"don't forget to write Merry Christmas on the board and eat those cookies and take a bite out of the carrot you had better left for the reindeer" I met my entire family, IV pole and all, at the elevator. I'll never forget the looks on their beautiful faces when the doors opened. I did something I never thought I would do again....I kissed and hugged my kids and held my 13 day old baby that I hadn't seen or held for what seemed like an eternity. We spent Christmas day in the visitor waiting room of the hospital that year and it was GREAT. Since then I really try to not stress about the holiday. If I can have a baby, two surgeries and a heart problem and still pull off a great Christmas....what is there to stress about.
I know I didn't do it alone. Somebody up there likes...no, loves me! That I know, but I also think a certain jolly ol' man helped me out as well. I really do believe that is a spirit that gets us through these days.
Yes ....I believe in Santa Claus. Now I found out recently that I was never taken to see Santa as a little girl. Yeah...I couldn't believe it either. I never got a clear cut answer exacty why only that my sister and brother did.....more middle child bullshit I guess! But now I think it is very clear why I love Christmas.....my friends...
I have Santa Issues.
Yes, I will dress up in festive clothes at holiday parties and act like a Ho Ho Ho ....all because I never saw Santa.
I will secretly watch Christmas porn, you know Rudolph, the Grinch and Charlie Brown Christmas all by myself....no grandson around...just me
I have flashing lights in my house and drink eggnog and peppermint schnapps to access..
I am addicted to the white stuff...powdered sugar
I deck too many halls...
I make sure every one feels merry (wink wink)
My favorite reindeer...Vixen
I clearly have Santa issues.... When I watch Mad Men, sure I love Don Draper, but there is something about that Roger Sterling, ....could it be the white hair...
Coincidence, I think not.
So I wish my loyal blog readers a very Happy Holiday season....a Merry Merry Christmas. I hope this made you take the time away from your baking and wrapping and shopping and stressing to appreciate everything you have and cherish the memories you make at this beautiful time of year, good, bad or otherwise. Hug your family, have another cookie, and go ahead, buy yourself a present too. Listen to that Joni Mitchell song and get a little teary like I do and then put on Christmas Vacation and watch Chevy Chase whip down that hill on that sled and laugh your ass off...I do EVERY time....just sayin.
This week marked the year anniversary of my husband's cancer surgery. This time last year we weren't sure if that Christmas would be his last, or would there be chemo in our future or who knows what? Well, as many know, it was a very Merry Christmas last year as the cancer was caught in time. Little did I know there would be chemo in our future as my mom is struggling with the same awful disease and the same questions of "lasts" nag at me once again.
We shop, we wrap, we cook, we bake....it's comin of Christmas!
Eleven years ago, this time of year, again, we lost my sister-in-law. It was a couple days before Christmas when we drove down to say good bye to her and early the next morning, she was gone. It was tough, but we cooked, we ate, we wrapped, we opened, we shopped but this time for the pink shirts we were all to wear at her funeral. It didn't seem like Christmas too much that year, but I have a little gingerbread ornament hanging in my kitchen with an August date on it from when we DID celebrated Christmas that year. We baked, we gathered, we decorated ...it was hot, but it was her Christmas!
Holy shit though...I still love Christmas. After all is said and done, you look back on all the Christmases and some are better than others. Some years are just a blur of trying to get the kids asleep and trying to stay awake in order to make sure it looked like"Santa was here" and God help us if the cookies we left for him aren't gone. There were many a Christmas morning when I shoved those cookies in my mouth before the kids noticed. Come to think of it, I have started many mornings like that, Christmas or not. But as my children grew up, the mornings are not quite the same, yet I still feel compelled to make sure it looks like "Santa was here". This very well maybe the last year for that. as plans of moving out and buying houses are the conversations these days. Nope, doesn't matter.... still love Christmas.
There was one Christmas in particular that stands out in my mind. It was 24 years ago this week and we got a great present that year. A beautiful baby girl. Her due date was December 25 but because of having to have a C-section, we picked that date 12/12. That would get me home in plenty of time. I had already shopped, wrapped and baked knowing that I would be a little busier that usual that year. I was then reminded of my one of my grandmother's favorite saying "you make plans and God laughs" Well he must have been hysterical because my plans went horribly awry.
Thanks to the same wonderful God, my baby girl was healthy and dare I say perfect! It was me that was not so perfect it seemed. The frightening part was no one knew why. Doctors would come in scratch their heads and send me for tests. There was one doctor in particular with no bedside manner...I believe his name was Dr. Fucking Asshole and he said very sarcastically "get a tree in here she ain't going anywhere". I wanted to go home -I couldn't miss Christmas...who would remember to eat the cookies? Who would write Merry Christmas Love Santa on the black board easel Santa was bringing? Who would fill the stockings ?
About a week and a half later, my baby went home with out me while I had an additional surgery to un-obstruct my bowel. Then there was my gig in ICU for an very scary heart issue. I didn't think I would ever see another Christmas but my biggest fear was that my precious baby girl would always feel responsible if anything ever happened to me. I WOULD NOT let that be the case. I will spare the gory details (and they are pret-tay pret-tay gory) and just say that very early Christmas morning I was in a regular room with a monitor on my heart and a phone on my ear.
"don't forget to write Merry Christmas on the board and eat those cookies and take a bite out of the carrot you had better left for the reindeer" I met my entire family, IV pole and all, at the elevator. I'll never forget the looks on their beautiful faces when the doors opened. I did something I never thought I would do again....I kissed and hugged my kids and held my 13 day old baby that I hadn't seen or held for what seemed like an eternity. We spent Christmas day in the visitor waiting room of the hospital that year and it was GREAT. Since then I really try to not stress about the holiday. If I can have a baby, two surgeries and a heart problem and still pull off a great Christmas....what is there to stress about.
I know I didn't do it alone. Somebody up there likes...no, loves me! That I know, but I also think a certain jolly ol' man helped me out as well. I really do believe that is a spirit that gets us through these days.
Yes ....I believe in Santa Claus. Now I found out recently that I was never taken to see Santa as a little girl. Yeah...I couldn't believe it either. I never got a clear cut answer exacty why only that my sister and brother did.....more middle child bullshit I guess! But now I think it is very clear why I love Christmas.....my friends...
I have Santa Issues.
Yes, I will dress up in festive clothes at holiday parties and act like a Ho Ho Ho ....all because I never saw Santa.
I will secretly watch Christmas porn, you know Rudolph, the Grinch and Charlie Brown Christmas all by myself....no grandson around...just me
I have flashing lights in my house and drink eggnog and peppermint schnapps to access..
I am addicted to the white stuff...powdered sugar
I deck too many halls...
I make sure every one feels merry (wink wink)
My favorite reindeer...Vixen
I clearly have Santa issues.... When I watch Mad Men, sure I love Don Draper, but there is something about that Roger Sterling, ....could it be the white hair...
Coincidence, I think not.
So I wish my loyal blog readers a very Happy Holiday season....a Merry Merry Christmas. I hope this made you take the time away from your baking and wrapping and shopping and stressing to appreciate everything you have and cherish the memories you make at this beautiful time of year, good, bad or otherwise. Hug your family, have another cookie, and go ahead, buy yourself a present too. Listen to that Joni Mitchell song and get a little teary like I do and then put on Christmas Vacation and watch Chevy Chase whip down that hill on that sled and laugh your ass off...I do EVERY time....just sayin.
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